Re: REQDOC: Copy-editing comments (long, boring to non-editors)

ACTION: The editors will make the following changes after tomorrows
telecon.


Jim Hendler wrote:
> 
> Jeff et al  -
>   I have done a careful read through trying to ignore semantics and
> simply copyedit the document.  Below are changes that should be made
> as they don't change the meaning of the document in any significant
> way, but fix readability:
> 
> Abstract:
>   change "goals, requirements and usage scenarios"
>   to "usage scenarios, goals and requirements"
> so they parallel the document structure
> 
> 1.1
>   ... so that fine, accurate, ...
> "fine" is ambiguous in this context - could be deleted or made
> clearer (i.e. "detailed")
> 
> 2.1
>   3rd para  change - "In order allow more intelligent..." to
>     "In order to allow more intelligent"
> missing word
> 
> 2.2
>   3rd bullet of features
>    change "increases significantly" to
>    "significantly increases"
> better English
> 
> 2.4
>   In this section single quote marks are used instead of double quotes
> throuhgout, this is both bad English and inconsistent with remainder
> of document.  quote marks should be doubled or removed - recommended
> rewrite included below (APPENDED 1)
>   In addition, suggest that the examples of constraints be slightly
> reformatted for readability - also in the below (APPENDED 1)
>   In addition, centred -> centered as we are using US spellings
> throughout rest of the document (or we can make whole thing UK
> spellings - but that needs more editing)
> 
> 2.5
>   1st paragraph
>      change "an social" to "a social"
>      change "and will use" to "an use" (consistent tense)
>      change "  'best' " to "  "best" " (double quotes req.)
>   2nd paragraph
>      perhaps change "...and the general Internet" to
>       "and the general Web" (or WWW or World Wide Web)
>      Internet is inconsistent w/earlier use of web as target
>   3rd paragraph
>      change "  'virtual' cities " to " "virtual cities" " (fix quotes
> and English)
> 
> 2.6
>   1st and 2nd paragraphs
>   The term "ad hoc" is usually italicized, but in the case of "ad hoc
> network" it sometimes isn't.  Perhaps change the two uses of "ad hoc"
> to <em> ad hoc </em>.
> 
>    4th paragraph
>     change "human "in the loop" " to "human in the loop" (remove
> quotes) - quotes not needed.
> 
>    5th paragraph
>      change "DAML-S" to
>           <a href="http://www.daml.org/services/"> DAML-S </a>
>       to be consistent with linking to other languages mentioned
> 
> Design goals -
>   note: throughout we use h3 and h4 to be consistent w/W3C style, but
> it sure seems to me to make it easier to find the bold h4s than the
> non-bold h3s.  Probably shouldn't chnage - but someone should yell at
> Dan C. about this :->
> 
> 3.2
>   RDF Support - the paragraph ends with an unsupported clause in an argument.
>   suggest addition of "which perpetuates the error." at end of the section (i.e.
>    "...v1:Fish which perpetuates the error"
> 
> 3.3 Justification
>   change "there needs to be primitives" to "there need to be
> primitives" (fix number agreement)
>    change "map terms to equivalents" to "map terms to their
> equivalents" (better English)
> 
> 4 - requirements
>   Classes as instances
>    change "support the ability to treat class as instances." to
>      "support the ability to treat classes as instances." (agreement)
>    motivation - change "image collections use case" to
>     "multimedia collections use case"  (Correct name - also needs to
> be changed elsewhere, see below)
> 
> 5 - objectives
>   default property values motivation
>     -> multimedia collection use case
> 
>   ability to state closed worlds
>   change "the language must ..." to "the language should..."
>    must is incompatible with the objectives statement where you say "maybe"
> 
>   commitment to portions of ontologies
>     change "choose" to "to choose" twice in the paragraph - need to
> use infinitive verb form here.
> 
>   aggregation and grouping
>   change
>    "This would allow interoperability between ontologies that
> represented information at different levels of granularity, and could
> relate things such as budget category totals and budget line item
> amounts, or number of personnel to individual data on employees"
>   to (note - only one word change!)
>   "This would allow interoperability between ontologies that
> represented information at different levels of granularity, and could
> relate things such as budget category totals to budget line item
> amounts, or number of personnel to individual data on employees"
> 
> the change of "and" to "to" makes the parallel construction work
> 
> Definitional constraints on conjunctive types
>    There is an open quotation - you need to add a double quote after 1811
>    -> multimedia collection use case
> 
> ======
> APPENDED 1 - reworked 2.4 to fix quotes:
> 
> <h3><a name="usecase-designdoc">2.4 Design documentation</a></h3>
> 
> <p>This use case is for a large body of engineering documentation,
> such as that used by the aerospace industry. This documentation can be of
> several different types, including design documentation,
> manufacturing documentation,
> and testing documentation. These document sets each have a hierarchical
> structure, but these structures differ between the sets. There is also
> a set of implied axes which cross-link the documentation sets: for
> example, in aerospace design documents, an item
> such as a wing spar might appear in each.</p>
> 
> <p>Ontologies can be used to build an information model which allows
> the exploration
> of the information space in terms of the items which are represented, the
> associations between the items, the properties of the items, and the links to
> documentation which describes and defines them (i.e., the external
> justification
> for the existence of the item in the model). That is to say that the
> ontology and taxonomy
> are not independent of the physical items they represent, but may be
> developed/explored
> in tandem.</p>
> 
> <p>There are also issues of "effectivity" - design documentation may specify
> a particular part-number with associated specification: in practice there
> may be two (or more) suppliers for a part, and we need to know, for a given
> aircraft, which supplier was used. (This is particularly relevant in accident
> investigation, as both parts may satisfy a specification, but their
> out-of-spec performances may differ).</p>
> 
> <p>In the aerospace domain, typical users include:</p>
> <ul>
> <li>Maintenance engineer looking for all information relating
> to a particular part (eg. "wing-spar").
> <li>Design engineer looking at
> constraints on re-use of a particular sub-assembly.
> </ul>
> </p>
> 
> <p>A common use of the ontology is to support the visualisation and
> editing of charts which show snapshots of the information space centered on
> a particular object (class or instance). These are typically activity/rule
> diagrams or entity-relationship diagrams. </p>
> 
> <p>This use case has the following needs:
> <ul><li>Constraints, often for consistency checking. An example
> constraint might be:<br>
> (aircraft.type = biplane) <i>entails</i>
> (CardinalityOf(InstancesOf(Class = Wing)) = 2)<br>
> ( (wingsparX isComponentOf wingY) <i>entails</i> <br>
>        (  (wingsparX.length) &lt; (wingY.length))       )
> 
> <li> Language-neutral representation - this is a multinational industry.
> In fact one might call this dialect-neutral representation, as we find
> multiple taxonomies for a given space, even in a single language
> (not least in government).
> 
> <li>Instances distinct from classes (see the discussion on
> part-numbers and suppliers above).
> 
> <li>N-ary relationships
> 
> <li>Clean interface to other standards including (but not only)
> XML-standards. This is a standards-based industry, and the clear
> relationship of OWL to RDF/RDFS/DAML+OIL etc. is important.
> </ul>
> </p>
> 
> --
> Professor James Hendler                           hendler@cs.umd.edu
> Director, Semantic Web and Agent Technologies     301-405-2696
> Maryland Information and Network Dynamics Lab.    301-405-6707 (Fax)
> AV Williams Building, Univ of Maryland            College Park, MD 20742
> http://www.cs.umd.edu/users/hendler

Received on Wednesday, 27 February 2002 12:02:35 UTC