[UCR] editorial comments on UCR document

Following the action item taken in today's telecon, I send below some 
minor editorial comments which I think should still be considered before 
publicaton based on this version:

  http://www.w3.org/2005/rules/wg/ucr/draft-20060628.html

As I am not a native speaker, some of my comments might be void.

1) 1. Introduction,

  2nd paragraph:
  "The purpose of this document is provide"
  -->
  "The purpose of this document is to provide"

  last paragraph
  "as to what the RIF will, and will not, cover can be made"
  "as to what the RIF will and will not cover can be made"
  (i.e. remove commas)

2) 2. Use Cases

2nd paragraph, last sentence"
"However, this informality may lead readers to the conclusion that rules 
can perform arbitrary actions in the real world. This is not the case; 
the RIF WG has not yet decided on the ultimate power that rules will have."

  This might be a more severe cvomment than the others, but I honestly
  find these two sentences more confusing than enlightning and would opt
  for removing it. It doesn't seem to add anything.

3) 2.1

"are defined on their Purchasing web site"
-->
"are defined on their purchasing web site"
(capitalization)

4) 2.2
"The negotiation is based on the policies, which are specified as rules, 
and the credentials Emptor and Venditor have, they are disclosed 
(interchanged) so as to automatically establish trust with the goal of 
successfully completing the transaction."

Split sentence at "[...] have, they are disclosed [...]" :
"[...] have. These rules andcredentials are disclosed [...]"

5)
"Different choices exist for implementing the above given constraints as 
rules the Emptor has; choosing the type of rules for implementing 
policies depends also on the capabilities the Emptor system has."

This reads strange, consider slight reformulation at least, add "system"
between "Emptor" and "has" in the first half of the sentence.


All for now, I will add more issues in a subsequent mail/on the issues 
list which should be considered on the next iteration

axel
-- 
Dr. Axel Polleres
email: axel@polleres.net  url: http://www.polleres.net/

Received on Tuesday, 4 July 2006 17:20:51 UTC