- From: <noah_mendelsohn@us.ibm.com>
- Date: Fri, 3 Dec 2004 16:54:58 -0500
- To: Norman Walsh <Norman.Walsh@Sun.COM>
- Cc: www-tag@w3.org
Overall, this looks great. A few very minor suggestions, all relating to section 4.3: * My recollection of punctuation rules seems to be fading as high school recedes into the ancient past, but I'm curious about the sentence: "In addition a small amount of client side computation is saved." Shouldn't there be a comma after "In addition", resulting in: "In addition, a small amount of client side computation is saved."? * Having risked embarrassment regarding my knowledge of punctuation, I'll venture a comment relating to grammar. Also in section 4.3: "On the other hand, recombination on the client makes the delivered content applicable to a wider range of devices. This improves caching efficiency and gives users more presentation options. It can be tailored to particular groups of devices by using media specific style sheets." I think that the antecedents of the words "This" in the second sentence and "It" in the third sentence are ambiguous. At best I think the sentences parse somewhat clumsily. How about: "On the other hand, recombination on the client makes the delivered content applicable to a wider range of devices. Client-side recombination improves caching efficiency and gives users more presentation options. In particular, style sheets can be applied at the client to tailor presentations for a variety of device types." * Again in Section 4.3: "For textual content with a regular and repeating structure, the combined size of the text content plus the style sheet is typically less than that of a fully recombined content;" Delete word "a"? "For textual content with a regular and repeating structure, the combined size of the text content plus the style sheet is typically less than that of _ fully recombined content;" Thanks again for all the hard work as our editor! -------------------------------------- Noah Mendelsohn IBM Corporation One Rogers Street Cambridge, MA 02142 1-617-693-4036 --------------------------------------
Received on Friday, 3 December 2004 21:56:19 UTC