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Re: Review Comments for Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case for Your Organization: Overview

From: Andrew Arch <andrew@w3.org>
Date: Wed, 20 May 2009 08:07:29 +0100
Message-ID: <4A13AC31.2090904@w3.org>
To: Lisa Pappas <Lisa.Pappas@sas.com>
CC: EOWG <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Hello Lisa,

Thanks for these editorial suggestions

Lisa Pappas wrote:
> I support publishing this revised draft with ONE change:
> (please do this) Introduction, paragraph 1, correct spelling from "afirms" to "affirms"
> 
> << Comments on other pages in separate emails>>
> 
> <> used to show strike-through in plain text.
> [] used to show addition
> 
> Review Comments for Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case for Your Organization: Overview
> 
> Optional:
> 
> 1. Use series comma consistently. It is used in Intro, para 3, but not in 1 or 2.
> Para 1 - , social interaction[,] and more.

done

> 2. Intro - Para 2 - increasingly / increasing in same sentence. Reword:
> Older users with age-related accessibility needs are an increasingly important customer base for most organizations as the percentage of older users is significantly <increasing>[growing].

Rephrased after EO discussion

> 3.Intro - Para 3 - Recast passive construction as active for clarity in translation:
> Change:
> {There} [While there] are initial costs for organizations implementing Web accessibility {; however}, [there can be substantial returns on investment (ROI).]
> 
> To:
> Organizations can recoup their initial costs of implementing Web accessibility through substantial returns on investment (ROI).

done

> 4. Do we need to update the publication date from March 2009 to May 2009?

thanks - done

> 5. Factors in ... Bullet 4 - redundant and in series:
> Change
> from increased [Web site] {website} use and direct cost savings, and cost considerations 
> To
> from increased [Web site] {website} use[,]direct cost savings, and cost considerations 

Considered and changed slightly differently

> 6. Developing a Customized... Para 2 - Remove redundant phrase "are different"
> Change
> Just as organizations' objectives and motivations are different, their business cases for Web accessibility are {somewhat} different.
> 
> To: 
> Just as organizations' objectives and motivations vary, so too do their business cases for Web accessibility.

Done

> 7. Examples - Bulleted List, sub-bullet items - Consider consistently using (add or remove) the "the" starting the sub bullets for consistency and readability. 

Done - removed for scanability

> 8. Bullets after "While your business case may..." are complete sentences, so start with initial cap and end with a period.
> 
Done

Thanks Lisa,  Andrew
Received on Wednesday, 20 May 2009 07:08:14 UTC

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