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Review Comments for Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case for Your Organization: Overview

From: Lisa Pappas <Lisa.Pappas@sas.com>
Date: Wed, 13 May 2009 11:32:08 -0400
To: EOWG <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Message-ID: <345520A34347BA49B798F70B218ACD1306B5251A62@MERCMBX14.na.sas.com>
I support publishing this revised draft with ONE change:
(please do this) Introduction, paragraph 1, correct spelling from "afirms" to "affirms"

<< Comments on other pages in separate emails>>

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Review Comments for Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case for Your Organization: Overview

Optional:

1. Use series comma consistently. It is used in Intro, para 3, but not in 1 or 2.
Para 1 - , social interaction[,] and more.

2. Intro - Para 2 - increasingly / increasing in same sentence. Reword:
Older users with age-related accessibility needs are an increasingly important customer base for most organizations as the percentage of older users is significantly <increasing>[growing].

3.Intro - Para 3 - Recast passive construction as active for clarity in translation:
Change:
{There} [While there] are initial costs for organizations implementing Web accessibility {; however}, [there can be substantial returns on investment (ROI).]

To:
Organizations can recoup their initial costs of implementing Web accessibility through substantial returns on investment (ROI).

4. Do we need to update the publication date from March 2009 to May 2009?

5. Factors in ... Bullet 4 - redundant and in series:
Change
from increased [Web site] {website} use and direct cost savings, and cost considerations 
To
from increased [Web site] {website} use[,]direct cost savings, and cost considerations 

6. Developing a Customized... Para 2 - Remove redundant phrase "are different"
Change
Just as organizations' objectives and motivations are different, their business cases for Web accessibility are {somewhat} different.

To: 
Just as organizations' objectives and motivations vary, so too do their business cases for Web accessibility.

7. Examples - Bulleted List, sub-bullet items - Consider consistently using (add or remove) the "the" starting the sub bullets for consistency and readability. 

8. Bullets after "While your business case may..." are complete sentences, so start with initial cap and end with a period.
Received on Wednesday, 13 May 2009 15:32:48 UTC

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