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Review Comments for Social Factors in Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case

From: Lisa Pappas <Lisa.Pappas@sas.com>
Date: Wed, 13 May 2009 11:56:30 -0400
To: EOWG <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Message-ID: <345520A34347BA49B798F70B218ACD1306B5251AC9@MERCMBX14.na.sas.com>
General Comment -- Great arguments here!

Optional Changes

1. Add a sentence or paragraph between the headings Web Accessibility is a Social Issue and Web Accessibility is Essential for Equal Opportunity (believe this is W3C style -- not to follow a heading with a heading)

2. For clarity in translation, remove use of pronoun "it" with no antecedent. 
Change:
Therefore it is essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities. [

To:
Therefore, Web accessibility is essential for providing equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities. 

3. For clarity, remove passive There were construction in favor of active construction:
Change:
there were significant barriers for many people with disabilities, including To:

To:
many people with disabilities faced significant barriers, including 

AND
4.Change:
accessible, it is [still] difficult for some people to get resources from a library.

To:
accessible, some people still face difficulties getting resources from a library.

5. Under Barriers to Web Use, 
Change
Currently there are significant barriers on the Web for many people with disabilities

To
Currently, significant barriers on the Web remain for many people with disabilities

6. Under Number of People Affected
Change:
It is difficult to estimate how many people are affected by Web accessibility because

To:
To estimate how many people are affected by Web accessibility is difficult because

7. Remove repeat of "digital divide" in same sentence

Change:
An organization that is committed to reducing the digital divide can include in its business case a description of how Web accessibility can reduce the impact of the digital divide for people with disabilities.

To:
An organization that is committed to reducing the digital divide can include in its business case a description of how Web accessibility can reduce the impact of economic and social barriers to Web use for people with disabilities.

8. Correct number agreement / add missing "s"
Change:
These issue overlap with accessibility needs of people with disabilities. Web sites and tools that are accessible to people with

To 
These issue[s] overlap with accessibility needs of people with disabilities. Web sites and tools that are accessible to people with

9. Under Web Accessibility Benefits People With and Without Disabilities, having the sentence "Below are examples..." followed by a "See" reference is awkward. Consider reordering.

10. The phrase "ageing related" seems awkward, especially since the next sentence uses "age-related" -- but I understand, you're emphasizing the "ageing" process.  Maybe rephrase "benefit older people experiencing ageing related impairments" as
"benefit older people experiencing impairments due to the aging process" 
11. In heading "Access for People with Low Bandwidth Connections to the Internet, and Older Technologies" remove the comma and add "or Using" -- 
To:
"Access for People with Low Bandwidth Connections to the Internet or Using Older Technologies"

12. Remove comma between items in two-item series in bulleted item.
Change:
with color, and sufficient
to 
with color and sufficient

AND
Change:
technologies, and are thus
To:
technologies and are thus
Received on Wednesday, 13 May 2009 15:57:12 UTC

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