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Re: Completed Action Item ACTION-81: 3/28 Review of Web Payments Use Cases FPWD

From: Manu Sporny <msporny@digitalbazaar.com>
Date: Sun, 29 Mar 2015 00:22:52 -0400
Message-ID: <55177E1C.4010700@digitalbazaar.com>
To: Katie Haritos-Shea GMAIL <ryladog@gmail.com>, 'Shane McCarron' <shane@aptest.com>
CC: public-webpayments-ig@w3.org
On 03/28/2015 02:07 PM, Katie Haritos-Shea GMAIL wrote:
> These comments are associated with this document:*Web Payments Use
> Cases, W3C Editor's Draft 28 March 2015*
> (URL:
> https://dvcs.w3.org/hg/webpayments/raw-file/default/latest/use-cases/index.html

Thanks for doing a review, Katie. You'll find all responses and
subsequent edits related to your comments below:

> 1.       Location: Entire Document
> Issue Type: Oversight
> Comment: Missing disclaimer about the use of fictitious company and
> individual name.
> Criticality: Major

The disclaimer is difficult because there are some real company names
and some fake company names. I added a disclaimer with the appropriate
balance here:

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/55981370a4ac758b6a9b8eb2b85edb9af1ef11a3

> 2.       Location: Entire Document
> Issue Type: Question
> Comment: Do we want to use the term electronic cheque (as we have done)
> or electronic check?
> Criticality: N/A

All references to 'check' have been changed to 'cheque' to be consistent
throughout the document. While most W3C specs follow "American English",
'cheque' is a special exception since it's a more specific term that's
used to talk about the payment instrument.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/74c6faf9a7928fd2935ece83cd46c7a7a7ea3a6a

Happy to be convinced that we should use 'check' instead, but either
way, we should be consistent.

> 3.       Location: 1.1 Why This Work is Important. First paragraph.
> Issue Type: Spelling
> Comment: Change viscious to *vicious* (remove s)
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 4.       Location: 1.1 Why This Work is Important. Second paragraph,
> last sentence.
> Issue Type: Concept
> Comment: I am a bit concerned that this is an overstatement, that by
> improving financial services through mobile phone that we could improve
> their *lives*. I do think it is fair to day that we could improve their
> *financial lives* – however that is best stated as *financial health.
> *Suggest:**Swap out *lives* with *financial health.*
> Criticality: Moderate

Done.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 5.       Location: 2. Terminology
> Issue Type: Spelling
> Comment: Change Mastercard to *MasterCard *(make c uppercase)
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 6.       Location: 3. An Overview of the Payment Phases, First
> paragraph, first sentence.
> Issue Type: Oversight
> Comment: Missing the *business-to-person* paradigm. Businesses provide
> and return payments to people – which Is not solely a refund. (add
> *business-to-person*).
> Criticality: Moderate

Added.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 7.       Location: 3. An Overview of the Payment Phases. Fourth paragraph.
> Issue Type: Error
> Comment: Remove redundant word *be*.
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 8.       Location: 2. Terminology, Note
> Issue Type: No issue - Kudo
> Comment: This is an excellent idea and approach!
> Criticality: Vital

Kudos go to Ian, who wrote the majority of that text.

> 9.       Location: 3.4 Delivery of Product/Receipt. First paragraph.
> Issue Type: Spelling
> Comment: Change fouth to fourth (add r)

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> Criticality: Minor
> 
> 10.   Location: 4.3 Payment Processing, Verification of Available Funds.
> Issue Type: Punctuation
> Comment: Change Jills to Jill’s (add apostrophe)
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 11.   Location 1: 6.1 Negotiation of Payment Terms, 6.1.1 Discovery of Offer
> Location 2: 6.1 Negotiation of Payment Terms, 6.1.1.1 Non-Essential Use
> Cases
> Locations multiple.
> Issue Type: Possible spelling
> Comment: Consider changing Automatability to Automat-ability
> Criticality: Minor

I think this may be a 'term of art' in engineering disciplines. I spent
10 minutes doing a non-trivial number of Google searches for preference
of one over the other. The deciding factor was this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serviceability_%28computer%29

There are a number of "...ability" words related to computing systems
that seem to not use the hyphen. We also have a number of other
...ability words in the document - portability, usability, readability,
etc. I don't think we'd hyphenate those.

I don't think the hyphen really adds much, so I'm keeping all of the
...ability words w/o a hyphen.

> 12.   Location: 6.1.1.1 Non-Essential Use Cases. Hold Funds, Goals.
> Multiple Instances found.
> Issue Type: Capitalization
> Comment: The word Rapid is incorrectly capitalized – in a location where
> other topic words are not capitalized. Change Rapid to *rapid*.
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed... although the rest of the items like "Innovation" and
"Transparency" are still capitalized. The goals stuff needs a re-work,
most likely after the FPWD.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 13.   Location: 6.1.1.1 Non-Essential Use Cases. Machine Readability.
> Motivation.
> Issue Type: Grammar
> Comment: Change they're to *they are*
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/c5dbbf9ea5f11432aed1512e5b84e433a564d140

> 14.   Location: 6.1.2 Agreement on Terms, Privacy Protection.
> Issue Type: Oversight
> Comment: Add “Privacy: It is important to ensure that non-essential
> personally identifiable data must anonymized and protected throughout
> the process. “
> Criticality: Moderate

Done.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 15.   Location: 6.1.2 Agreement on Terms, Credentials, Motivation.
> Issue Type: Spelling
> Comment: Change initated to initiated
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 16.   Location: 6.1.2.1 Non-essential Use Cases, Privacy / Security
> Issue Type: Spelling
> Comment: Change personaly to personally
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 17.   Location: 6.2.2 Selection of Payment Instruments, Payer Privacy,
> Privacy / Security
> Issue Type: Oversight / Addition
> Comment: Suggest adding a sentence: Merchants and payees may be legally
> responsible to protect this kind of payer payment information.
> Criticality: Minor but useful.

Added.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 18.   Location: 6.3.3 Authorization of Transfer, Proofs.
> Issue Type: Punctuation
> Comment: Change Tibors to Tibor’s (add apostrophe)
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 19.   Location: 6.3.3 Authorization of Transfer, Proofs
> Issue Type: Possible spelling
> Comment: If the primary language of this document is meant to be
> American English, change specialised to *specialized* (change s to z for
> American English)
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 20.   Location: 6.3.4 Completion of Transfer. Variation of Delay. Fourth
> bullet.
> Issue Type: Clarity
> Comment: Change EUR to either EURO or euro symbol.
> Criticality: Minor

Changed to Euro.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> 21.   Location: 4.2 Delivery of Receipt, Goals
> Issue Type: Error
> Comment: Remove redundant word *and*.
> Criticality: Minor

Fixed.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/63f3ff506dfc22f506d8e92280a268f5a57b8804

> Final Note: This may belong in another document such as Requirements.
> But from an accessibility and user perspective, before subjecting a user
> to any financial transaction commitment (such as a web payment) – users
> must be presented with the option of reversing, checking or confirming
> their choice or submission.

Agreed, made a note of it in the use cases document. It doesn't hurt to
point out that people should be aware of WCAG, and that the Web Payments
work should align with that where it makes sense to do so. Since WCAG
goes to extra lengths to point out expected behavior for financial
transactions on the Web, I think it makes sense to include it as early
as possible.

https://github.com/w3c/webpayments-ig/commit/fc8c0a2277b1fe80f9813e9be26991c5fe49a7be

Thanks again for the review, Katie. Your review comments were at a level
of detail above and beyond what I'm used to, so thank you for that...
made my life much easier. :)

-- manu

-- 
Manu Sporny (skype: msporny, twitter: manusporny, G+: +Manu Sporny)
Founder/CEO - Digital Bazaar, Inc.
blog: The Marathonic Dawn of Web Payments
http://manu.sporny.org/2014/dawn-of-web-payments/
Received on Sunday, 29 March 2015 04:23:20 UTC

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