Re: Needed urgent review ....Fwd: Cognitive Section in the MAUR

I reviewed it and agree with John's comments.  I do not think it needs a
lot of work, but John's suggested edit's will improve.

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On Thu, Nov 20, 2014 at 11:00 AM, Rochford, John <john.rochford@umassmed.edu
> wrote:

>  Hi Lisa and All,
>
>
>
> My comments:
>
>
>
> 1)       Sentence beginning with “Cognitive and …”
>
> a. Cognitive disabilities are neurological disabilities.
>
> ·  Suggestion: Change “Cognitive and neurological disabilities …” to
> “Cognitive disabilities …”.
>
> b. All of the references are to cause/disability disorders except for
> “memory impairments”.
>
> ·  Suggestion: Remove “memory impairments” from the list. It is common to
> all of the disorders listed anyway.
>
> 2)       Sentence beginning with “Individuals with …”
>
> a. It is not just that “…information that is presented as text embedded
> in a video should also be available as audio descriptions …”. Text
> anywhere, such as in web pages, should be available aurally.
>
> b. Suggestion: Change to “… information presented as text should be
> available aurally, including audio descriptions embedded in videos …”.
>
> 3)       Sentence beginning with “Some conditions …”
>
> a. The reference to “…multi-system effects …” is confusing to me. I don’t
> know what that means.
>
> ·  Suggestion: Reword/clarify.
>
> b. This is a run-on sentence.
>
> ·  Suggestion: Divide into two sentences, i.e. “Some conditions, such as
> autism-spectrum disorders, may have multi-system effects. Individuals may
> need a combination of different accommodation.”
>
> c. I believe the reference to “accommodation” should be plural.
>
> · Suggestion: Change to “accommodations”.
>
>
>
> John
>
>
>
> John Rochford
> UMass Medical School/E.K. Shriver Center
> Director, INDEX Program
> Instructor, Family Medicine & Community Health
> http://www.DisabilityInfo.org <http://www.disabilityinfo.org/>
> Twitter: @ClearHelper
>
>
>
> *From:* lisa.seeman [mailto:lisa.seeman@zoho.com]
> *Sent:* Thursday, November 20, 2014 9:56 AM
> *To:* public-cognitive-a11y-tf
> *Subject:* Needed urgent review ....Fwd: Cognitive Section in the MAUR
>
>
>
> We have been asked to review the "Media Accessibility User Requirements
> (MAUR)"
>
> document
>
> Can we try and review it as soon as possible and check  the section about
> Cognitive in the MAUR:
>
>
> https://rawgit.com/w3c/pfwg/WD-media-accessibility-reqs-20140717/media-accessibility-reqs/index.html#cognitive-and-neurological-disabilities
>
> They are  soon finalizing it so if we have comments we need to make them
> as soon as possible
>
> All the best
> Lisa
>
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>
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