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[wbs] Judy Brewer response to 'EOWG Call for Review: Business Case Resource Suite'

From: WBS Mailer on behalf of <webmaster@w3.org>
Date: Fri, 19 Aug 2005 03:40:01 +0000
To: jbrewer@w3.org,wai-eo-editors@w3.org
Message-Id: <wbs-01ad1a82fd78ff4cb3a84ba54ed37762@cgi.w3.org>


Here are the answers submitted to 'EOWG Call for Review: Business Case
Resource Suite' (Education and Outreach Working Group) for Judy Brewer.



---------------------------------
Support for the Resource Suite
----
I:



 * ( ) accept the resource suite as is
 * (x) accept the resource suite, suggest changes below
 * ( ) accept the resource suite only with the changes below
 * ( ) do not accept the resource suite because of the comments below
 * ( ) abstain (not vote)





---------------------------------
Overview page
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
Copyedits needed under "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility."
Currently the text following "Social Factors addresses" does not parse. 

E.g., "Social Factors addresses that Web accessibility is essential..."
Doesn't work to have a conjunction here. You could say, instead,
"...addresses... the essential role that Web accessibility plays in
providing equal opportunity". Also, the following phrase types are
different & need to be separated by semi-colons not commas, otherwise they
are also hard to parse; or they need to be re-worded.

Also, "Social Factors addresses.... Web accessibility is an aspect of CSR"
but you could say "... the role of Web accessibility as an aspect of CSR"

The final nested bulleted phrase needs a comma after disabilities, again
to get it to parse smoothly -- partly this may just be due to parsing
fatigue from the above.






---------------------------------
Social Factors page
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
Copyedit: I think we fixed this in some other document, but where it says
"The Web is spreading rapidly into most areas of society..." I think it's
more accurate (and sounds better) to say "Use of the Web is spreading
rapidly...." 

In this document, in a few places it looks like you're using hyphens when
it should be dashes, such as before "- in some cases, where there was
essentially no access to them before." they means different things.

In H2 at "Access for with low bandwidth connections to the internet and
older technologies" I think you mean "and with older technologies" not
that the connections to older technologies are low bandwidth. A comma
would clear this up. 




---------------------------------
Technical Factors page
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
Check for missing paragraph break right before "site designers often use
bitmap images"

Under "Enable Content on Different Configurations" I don't think that
MathML is the right example with which to start this list.






---------------------------------
Financial Factors page
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
Copyedits.

In Introduction, "An organization's efforts to make its Web site
accessible often has a financial impact" there is disagreement of number
between subject and verb. The subject is plural: efforts.

Non-parsing bulleted phrase under "Increases potential use in more
situations" e.g. "by people...who are limited... with a small black and
white display" -- the referent is people not a technology

Disagreement of number under "increases positive image"... "An
organization's efforts in Web accessibility is a public relations
opportunity..."

Missing some words? under "hiring expertise" where it says "Many
organizations starting Web accessibility"







---------------------------------
Legal and Policy Factors page
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
I can't tell what we're saying in the very last paragraph. Is this a
recommendation just for greater precision in mapping the differences
between standards? Maybe just say a little more about why it's more
effective to include more detail on the differences; or else make a more
direct comment. This might need to be on wishlist but perhaps can somehow
be clearer here.




---------------------------------
General comments on the resource suite as a whole
----


Comments (or a URI pointing to your comments): 
Thanks for getting this done.


These answers were last modified on 19 August 2005 at 03:39:42 E.S.T.
by Judy Brewer

Answers to this questionnaire can be set and changed at
http://www.w3.org/2002/09/wbs/35532/bcase1/ until 2005-08-18.

 Regards,

 The Automatic WBS Mailer
Received on Friday, 19 August 2005 03:40:11 GMT

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