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Re: [wbs] Judy Brewer response to 'EOWG Call for Review: Business Case Resource Suite'

From: Shawn Henry <shawn@w3.org>
Date: Sat, 20 Aug 2005 22:52:57 -0500
Message-ID: <4307FA99.2090401@w3.org>
To: wai-eo-editors@w3.org
Cc: jbrewer@w3.org

> Overview page
> Copyedits needed under "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility."
> Currently the text following "Social Factors addresses" does not parse. 

SLH: reworded to fix grammar & punctuation.

SLH: deleted "Web accessibility as an aspect of corporate social responsibility;" since that is not a primary focus and need to shorted the Social Factors bullet to be closer in length to the others.

> Social Factors page
> "The Web is spreading rapidly into most areas of society..." I think it's
> more accurate (and sounds better) to say "Use of the Web is spreading
> rapidly...." 

SLH: done

> In this document, in a few places it looks like you're using hyphens when
> it should be dashes, such as before "- in some cases, where there was
> essentially no access to them before." they means different things.

SLH: changed several hyphens to dashes throughout

> In H2 at "Access for with low bandwidth connections to the internet and
> older technologies" I think you mean "and with older technologies" not
> that the connections to older technologies are low bandwidth. A comma
> would clear this up. 

SLH: added comma

> Technical Factors page
> Check for missing paragraph break right before "site designers often use
> bitmap images"

SLH: line break consistent with other formatting throughout page

> Under "Enable Content on Different Configurations" I don't think that
> MathML is the right example with which to start this list.

SLH: deleted MathML

> Financial Factors page
> In Introduction, "An organization's efforts to make its Web site
> accessible often has a financial impact" there is disagreement of number
> between subject and verb. The subject is plural: efforts.

SLH: changed "has" to "have" in "An organization's efforts to make its Web site accessible often have a financial impact..."

> Non-parsing bulleted phrase under "Increases potential use in more
> situations" e.g. "by people...who are limited... with a small black and
> white display" -- the referent is people not a technology

SLH: don't understand edit suggestion. changed "with a small black-and-white display" to "using a small black-and-white display"

> Disagreement of number under "increases positive image"... "An
> organization's efforts in Web accessibility is a public relations
> opportunity..."

SLH: changed "is" to "are" in "An organization's efforts in Web accessibility are a public..."

> Missing some words? under "hiring expertise" where it says "Many
> organizations starting Web accessibility"

SLH:  don't understand edit suggestion. added "efforts" in "Many organizations starting Web accessibility efforts hire employees..."

> Legal and Policy Factors page
> I can't tell what we're saying in the very last paragraph. Is this a
> recommendation just for greater precision in mapping the differences
> between standards? Maybe just say a little more about why it's more
> effective to include more detail on the differences; or else make a more
> direct comment. This might need to be on wishlist but perhaps can somehow
> be clearer here.

SLH: changed: "For organizations that are concerned about meeting multiple standards, it can be effective to include in the business case more detail on the overlap between standards. For example, the business case could include an appendix that shows the similarities and differences between the different standards." to "For organizations that are concerned about meeting multiple standards, it can be effective to include in the business case detail on the overlap between standards. For example, an appendix that shows the similarities between the different standards can illustrate where it is not much more effort to meet multiple standards."
Received on Sunday, 21 August 2005 05:07:48 GMT

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