Editorial tweaks in "Relationship between MWBP and WCAG"

Hi, Alan,

Thank you for all your time and work on this. A few comments:


Introduction, 3rd sentence

Current:
It is primarily designed to help Web developers who have worked with either WCAG or MWBP to learn about the additional requirements in the other.

Suggested:
It is designed primarily to help Web developers who have worked with either WCAG or MWBP to learn about the additional requirements in the other.

Rationale:
Don't separate the compound predicate ("is designed"). Clarity and could affect translation.


Location: "The Relationship Between" - Para. 1, Sent. 2

Current:
For example, in some cases complying a specific WCAG provision will meet the related MWBP;

Suggestion:
For example, in some cases complying with a specific WCAG provision will meet the related MWBP;

Rationale:
Need "with" -- missing word


Location: "How to Use," Paragraph 1, second bullet.

Current: Shared Web Experiences: Barriers Common to Mobile Device Users and People with Disabilities lists Web interaction that is similar by a user with a disability and by a user with a mobile device.

Suggestion: Shared Web Experiences: Barriers Common to Mobile Device Users and People with Disabilities lists similarities of Web interactions by a user with a disability and by a user with a mobile device.

Rationale:
Current is missing a word. Rewording for clarity


Location: "How to Use," Paragraph 1, second bullet.

Current:
It links to recommendations for designing Web content without these barriers from WCAG and MWBP.

Suggestion: It links to recommendations from WCAG and MWBP for designing Web content without these barriers.

Rationale: Sounds like the barriers come FROM WCAG and MWBP, so need to move the modifier

Location: "How to Use," Paragraph 2, third bullet.

Current: If you are familiar with WCAG 2.0, and want to learn...

Suggestion: If you are familiar with WCAG 2.0 and want to learn...

Rationale: Remove comma. Needs to be parallel (it's correct in previous bullet)


Location: "Web Content..Together" - para. 1

Current: If you are not familiar with either WCAG or MWBP, a strategy is to:

Suggestion: If you are not familiar with either WCAG or MWBP:

Rationale: Phrase "a strategy is to" is superfluous.
Note: This one may be eclipsed by an alternative introductory phrase that came up in EOWG. Think that's what I heard from Shawn as I was typing this.

Location: "Web Content..Together" - list item 1

Current: Use the table of barriers common to mobile device users and people with disabilities for an overview of the barriers and solutions common to WCAG 2.0 and MWBP.

Suggestion: Use the table of barriers common to mobile device users and people with disabilities for an overview of the barriers and solutions shared by WCAG 2.0 and MWBP.

Rationale:"common" is repeated. Might be clearer to replace with synonym



Location: Appendix A, para 1

Current: For the latest version of any W3C specification please ...

Suggestion: For the latest version of any W3C specification, please consult ...

Rationale:Need comma after adverbial introductory clause to set off main clause (yes, grammar granny <g>).

Location: Document Information, copyright statement
Current: (MIT, ERCIM,Keio)
Suggestion: (MIT, ERCIM, Keio)
Rationale:
I'm sure this comes from some automated place, but we need a space after the comma between ERCIM and Keio)


Lisa Pappas

Accessibility Analyst ▪ Software Quality Process & Research
Tel: + 1 919 531 0980 ▪ Mobile: + 1 919 523 4612 ▪ lisa.pappas@sas.com
World Headquarters ▪ 500 SAS Campus Drive, R41 ▪ Cary, NC  27513
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Received on Friday, 10 October 2008 13:44:14 UTC