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Re: Business benefits

From: Kathleen Anderson <kathleen.anderson@po.state.ct.us>
Date: Sat, 3 Nov 2001 14:33:32 -0500
Message-Id: <200111031433.AA10354810@pop.state.ct.us>
To: EOWG <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>

Regarding "color vision deficiency", Vischeck ( http://vischeck.com/index.php3 ) says on this page: http://vischeck.com/what.shtml "Roughly 1 in 20 people have some sort of color vision deficiency.", and, on this page:  http://vischeck.com/wade0004.shtml  "Roughly 1 in 10 men are fully or partly colour blind." 
Source: Dr Alex Wade, Research Fellow at Stanford University


---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: "Libby G. Cohen" <lcohen@maine.edu>
Date: Sat, 03 Nov 2001 14:08:40 -0500

>Here are some suggestions for the Business Benefits document.
>General comments: Omit references to “you” and “your”
>Check for consistency of capitalization, punctuation, heading levels
>Tone of document has a marketing emphasis. In general, suggest that
>language be changed to more matter of fact, descriptive, tone. I have
>included specific suggestions that address this.
>1. Introduction
>second paragraph, first sentence, change “will” to “may”
>second paragraph, second sentence insert “organization’s” after “your”
>third paragraph, first sentence, change add “s” to the word “duplicaton”
>2. Increase Market Share
>first paragraph, first sentence, change “is” to “can be”
>first paragraph, first sentence, change “from” to “resulting from the
>application of”
>third sentence, need to check on statistics, or omit until we have the
>evidence NOTE: WHO states that there are more than 120 million people
>who are deaf, 180 million who have a visual disability, 40 to 45 million
>who are blind and also have a physical disability; WHOSIS statistical
>information provides statistics for many countries. Appears as if
>incidence of disability at birth varies from around 6% to 26%.
>Improve Usability for non-disabled
>Collapse the following two second level bullets: “While the primary Web
>device….” and “An increading number of users will …..”
>Need to check on statistic on color-blindness. If can’t substantiate,
>omit. NOTE: Georgetown Univ. states that 7% of males have some form of
>color blindness Manu21-Gentic resource-Selected condition
>Support for Low Literacy Levels
>First paragraph, reword second sentence that begins “Following the WCAG
>1.0 recommendations”
>Need reference citation for second bullet that begins “many studies have
>shown that….”
>Improve Search Engine Listings
>Third bullet of the second level of bullets: omit “important” omit “
>expensive and informative”
>Repurpose Content
>First paragraph, first sentence omit “any”
>Increase Support for Internationalization
>Reword first sentence to something like: “In an expanding global
>marketplace, the WCAG 1.0 techniques can enhance the organization’s
>capability of reaching a global audience.”
>Assisting Access for Low-Bandwidth Users
>First paragraph, second sentence change “underdeveloped” to “developing”
>First paragraph, second sentence add “s” to “limitation”
>First paragraph, third sentence can additional examples be used instead
>of “etc.”?
>First paragraph, third sentence change “eg” to “e.g.”
>Second bullet, omit the sentence “The bandwidth savings can be immene.”
>Third bullet, omit “significantly”
>Fourth bullet omit “rather than  following…..”
>Improve Efficiency
>First sentence change “will” to “may”
>Third bullet omit “significantly”
>Sixth bullet correct spelling for the word “adaptatin”
>Sixth bullet add “s” to version
>Site Search Engine Improvements
>Omit sentence “If your customers’ searching is more successful…..”
>Repurposing Content
>First sentence add hyphen between “Web” and “enabled”
>Second sentence omit “and” preceding “ensuring”
>Second bullet: is the meaning of the phrase “circling around” generally
>Third bullet: suggest that the phrase “technology-challenged” be
>reworded. However, I do not have a specific suggestion.
>Demonstrate Social Responsibility
>Omit “However, in an extremely competitive…..”
>First bullet,  omit “disadvantaged”
>Second bullet, can refer to WHOSIS statistics on age and disability
>Third bullet: may want to add “making the workplace more welcoming”
>Reduce Legal Liability
>First sentence, change “institutes” to “institutions”
Received on Saturday, 3 November 2001 14:38:17 UTC

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