W3C home > Mailing lists > Public > public-webpayments@w3.org > May 2013

Re: Preview: KickStarter for Linked Data and Web Payments

From: Steven Rowat <steven_rowat@sunshine.net>
Date: Thu, 16 May 2013 21:47:43 -0700
Message-ID: <5195B66F.4080409@sunshine.net>
To: Manu Sporny <msporny@digitalbazaar.com>, Web Payments CG <public-webpayments@w3.org>
On 5/16/13 7:23 PM, Manu Sporny wrote:
> On 05/16/2013 05:49 PM, Steven Rowat wrote:
>> I think your bulk-of-the-page 'why it's amazing' paragraphs need a
>> more concise lead paragraph.
>>
>> And I think you have just the paragraph near the end, which I'd
>> suggest moving up to the 2nd paragraph. Then put a title,
>> "Details/Background" or something, before the rest.
>
> I've updated the page to reflect the layout
> you suggested. I think it flows much better now, what do you think?

Agreed.

Two other comments:

1) About "stretch goals" at the end of the second paragraph. I had to 
puzzle out what that is -- it's a part of Kickstarter also, correct? 
That a new Kickstarter rolls over when each $5500 goal is met, for 
three iterations? If so, I might suggest you add the word Kickstarter 
or something with this, so that reference is there. At first I thought 
it was part of the W3C/Google SOC project (which puzzled me).

2) First time through I didn't notice that the top image was a video 
and so didn't watch it (was it there the first time, before your text 
edit, also?) This time I noticed it: Good video, moves well, convincing.

Steven
Received on Friday, 17 May 2013 04:48:11 UTC

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