- From: Steven Rowat <steven_rowat@sunshine.net>
- Date: Thu, 16 May 2013 21:47:43 -0700
- To: Manu Sporny <msporny@digitalbazaar.com>, Web Payments CG <public-webpayments@w3.org>
On 5/16/13 7:23 PM, Manu Sporny wrote: > On 05/16/2013 05:49 PM, Steven Rowat wrote: >> I think your bulk-of-the-page 'why it's amazing' paragraphs need a >> more concise lead paragraph. >> >> And I think you have just the paragraph near the end, which I'd >> suggest moving up to the 2nd paragraph. Then put a title, >> "Details/Background" or something, before the rest. > > I've updated the page to reflect the layout > you suggested. I think it flows much better now, what do you think? Agreed. Two other comments: 1) About "stretch goals" at the end of the second paragraph. I had to puzzle out what that is -- it's a part of Kickstarter also, correct? That a new Kickstarter rolls over when each $5500 goal is met, for three iterations? If so, I might suggest you add the word Kickstarter or something with this, so that reference is there. At first I thought it was part of the W3C/Google SOC project (which puzzled me). 2) First time through I didn't notice that the top image was a video and so didn't watch it (was it there the first time, before your text edit, also?) This time I noticed it: Good video, moves well, convincing. Steven
Received on Friday, 17 May 2013 04:48:11 UTC