Forwarded message 1
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*****Issues from here down are editorial.
**Abstract.
s/Within each of these/In each of these/
2nd para, make sentence smoother:
These lead to design choices for and constraints on the behavior of
systems that use the Web, aimed at achieving the desired properties of
the shared information space:
**1. Introduction
2nd para. Suggest losing "(on behalf of a person, entity, or
process)"... terms are fuzzy (entity?), and it doesn't really add
anything.
1st story. lose ", as advertised", redundant & awkward
list of "three architectural bases"... #2.
Suggest swapping 1st & 2nd sentences.
"By clicking on a hypertext link..." well, Nadia didn't, except
implicitly in step #3 of the story. In fact, she typed in the URI.
Which doesn't weaken the point.
**1.1.2
2nd para. s/This document strikes/This document strives for/... avoid
being self-complimentary
**1.1.3 <dt>Constraint</dt>
s/certain properties/desired properties/
What are "non-functional properties"? I don't think the division of
desired properties into two baskets really helps. Also, the list is
too long and klunky, lose a couple.
**2.1
1st para. s/sharing a URI/sharing URIs/
last paragraph feels orphaned and a little lame. Last sentence is
worth saving.
**2.2
3rd para. The term "scheme" is used before being defined, and kind of
abruptly too. At least a hyperlink to its definition?
s/scheme specific URI/scheme-specific URIs/
**2.2.1.1
2nd para. Does the "urn" scheme actually establish a unique
relationship between a social entity and a URI? Let's assume urn:uuid:
gets registered some day
awkward phrase: "... based on Internet media type, validity
constraints, or other constraints." Also, is the phrase "validity
constraints" well-understood? I might assume that it's referring
specifically to the result of XML DTD processing? Maybe just "...
based on Internet media type, user authorization, or other
constraints."
**2.2.2
Wouldn't <cite>The Sting</cite> be better than "The Sting"?
/me weeps for the lost white whale... dammit, I'll charter a ship out
of Nantucket and hunt that sucker down in the graveyard of lost
specifications, I just need a Tahitian harpooner.
**2.3
This section suffers from severe internal confusion as to how the word
URI is pluralized.... someone needs to take an end-to-end walk through
the doc looking at each occurrence of "URI" to see whether it should be
"URIs".
**2.3.2
The story makes Dirk look like a doofus. How about an innocent mistake
instead of a dumb question: "Dirk is editing a Web page, and Nadia
notices that he has inserted a link to ...08/03/Oaxaca labeled 'Current
Oaxaca weather forecast'. Nadia spots a cut-and-paste error and
explains that the resource Dirk has identified is the weather forecast
for 'Weather on August 3, 2004', and that he should either change the
label or change the URI to '.../oaxaca'"
**2.4
Para beginning "While Web architecture..." s/significant amount/large
amount/
**3.1
In the discussion of URI stability, it should be noted that if a
resource is an information resource, it should stay an information
resource.
**3.2.1
<ol> after "Precisely which representations...", #4: suggest rewording
to say "The world changes over time, and so representations of
resources are like to change."
**3.3.1
Para beginning "As with any URI", s/licensed by specification/licensed
by any specification/.
**3.3.2
s/restrictions on, or structure within,/rules for use of/
**3.4
para beginning "In all cases the accuracy"
s/In all cases the accuracy/The accuracy/
**3.6
1st story s/(and he trusts them more than he trusts the Web site in
question//, hardly necessary.
1st Good practice s/the identified resource/the resource it identifies/
**3.6.1
1st para, 2nd sentence, suggest rewrite: "For an Information Resource,
persistence depends on the consistency of representations."
**3.7
1st para: instead "exchanging" how about "passing on" or "republishing"
para beginning "For resources that are..." s/applicability/reusability/
**3.8
Bah. Content-free. Unhelpful.
**4.
Suggest rewrite 1st sentence: Data formats (examples include XHTML,
RDF/XML, SMIL, XLink, CSS, and PNG) [er is XLink a "data format"?] are
agreements on the correct interpretation of representation data.
2nd para s/data sender/sender of data/
s/data receiver/the party that receives it/.
**4.1
3rd para. suggest rewrite 1st sentence: If a data format is textual, as
defined in this section, this does not imply that it should be served
with a media type beginning with "text/".
**4.2.2
2nd para after story s/For almost all applications/In general/
**4.2.4
1st <li> in <ul>
s/they have little or no effect/they are not intended to affect/
... hmm, is this really true? Ask Norm, he understands JFIF
2nd <li> s/to be composed/content/
3rd <li> s/vocabularies is/vocabularies are/
**4.4
1st para s/birth/success/
**4.5.6
2nd <li> in <ol> s/ID assignment/ID recognition/. "Assignment" really
feels like the wrong word.
**5.1
last sentence. The "advances into territory" metaphor is perhaps a
little martial... does it leave the tents of the other specification
burning and its women weeping? Perhaps "overlaps" would do?
**5.3
1st sentence: s/can be well-specified/can be well-characterized/