Re: Plain Language Prototype for comments

 from National Archives and Records Administration (NARA):https://www.archives.gov/open/plain-writing/10-principles.html  - 

Top 10 principles of plain language writing:  
1.  Write for your reader, not yourself2. Use pronouns when you can3. State your major points first before going into details.4, Stick to your topic5. Limit each paragraph to one idea and keep it short.6.Write in active voice.  Use the passive voice only in rare cases.7.  Use short sentences as much as possible.8. Use everyday words.  If you must use technical terms, explain them on the first reference.gether.9.  Omit unneeded words.10.  Keep the subject and verb close together.11.  Use headings, lists, and tables to make reading easier.12.  Proofread your work, and have a colleague proofread it as well.


Referencing the above, some minor comments on Rewrite of Section heading:follow.
Considering Point 1 above, I think we need to accurately determine who the readers are.  I get the feeling that those doing the rewrite may be too familiar with the topics.  Maybe we should ask those unfamiliar with these subjects to evaluate the rewrite by answering questions to assess understanding of the rewritten material, or to actually rewrite the material to suit their understanding and have that judged by the subject matter experts..
Considering Point 8 above, we need to define unfamiliar terms like "heading" on first encounter.

Considering Point 9 above,  I'm not sure that "sub-heading" is needed (not critical to the intent of the sentence and may cause unnecessary confusion with "heading").  Similarly, "your" is not needed, and "Including titles and subtitles" is extraneous, as well as "like a printed book".  

Considering Point 11 above, the headings need to be expanded so they are understandable to those with cognitive disabilities, among others.  For example, the questions arises for the heading: Summary -of what - the SC intent, application, or something else?; This is not obvious and  needs some expansion for clarification:   Similarly, Why - what?  Why use headings, why read this, why is it important, or what?  

Also, is there sufficient justification/research to support some of the claims in the bullet points following "Why?

Considering Point 7 above,some clauses aren't sentences at all, (example: the first bullet list under "Types of content"); we need to add "includes" before the bullet list.to complete the thought if that is what's intended.

I think we should try to use consistent terminology for the same idea (example: content, material, text, words, and images).
The "all readers" bullet may apply to people without disabilities as well. 
This rewrite appears to be using headings to explain how to use headings (somewhat circular), so the proposed rewrite should demonstrate proper use of headings.  Maybe have a "before" (content without headings) and "after" (same content with headings) to illustrate possible benefits of adding headings to break up content.

Sorry if I'm being picky - thanks for considering!


    On Monday, September 24, 2018, 10:07:27 AM EDT, Jeanne Spellman <jspellman@paciellogroup.com> wrote:  
 
 
Here is the plain language prototype ready for review:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BGr0XSQgjBSVDG_Xn9MoodEq01cJxgg_EE0bniXONXM/

Please provide comments on content, structure, readability.

The audience is intended to be general: every member of a product 
development team to help them get on the same page, plus product owners, 
policy makers, and the general public.  It should be readable enough 
that someone without a background in either accessibility or digital 
product development can understand the intent.  And the language should 
be accessible and inclusive.

Please also provide comments on how to make it more accessible and 
inclusive.

You'll notice that there is an embedded link to a mock-up of how this 
may look.  The key point with this is that there will be separate tabs 
for specific activities, such as developing, designing, planning, 
usability testing, and auditing.  If you have content for these, please 
indicate this clearly, ideally on the relevant mock-up page.  We are 
trying to keep specific guidance for these roles off the main plain 
language page (which you'll see in the mockup is called "get started").

If you would like to help draft those other plain language tabs, for a 
specific activity, please let us know, as that is still work to be done.

If you would like to participate more in plain language writing and 
editing, please let us know.  There will be a need to continue to test 
this prototype with more guidelines in order to improve a Silver 
StyleGuide to ensure clarity and consistency.

Thanks very much for your help with this and we look forward to your 
feedback.