PROV-DM: (DM4) proposed re-wording of abstract

Re: http://dvcs.w3.org/hg/prov/raw-file/f52c0bb53dd4/model/prov-dm.html

I found the abstract to be slightly unwieldy in its phrasing.

Original:
[[
PROV-DM is a data model for provenance for building representations of the 
entities, people and activities involved in producing a piece of data or thing 
in the world. PROV-DM is domain-agnostic, but is equipped with extensibility 
points allowing further domain-specific and application-specific extensions to 
be defined. PROV-DM is accompanied by PROV-ASN, a technology-independent 
abstract syntax notation, which allows serializations of PROV-DM instances to be 
created for human consumption, which facilitates its mapping to concrete syntax, 
and which is used as the basis for a formal semantics.
]]

Proposed rephrasing:
[[
PROV-DM is a data model for representing provenance of entities, people and 
activities involved in producing an artifact.  PROV-DM is domain-agnostic, but 
has extensibility points that allow domain-specific information to be included. 
PROV-DM is accompanied by PROV-ASN, a technology-independent notation, which 
allows serializations of PROV-DM instances to be created for human consumption, 
and which may be mapped to other syntaxes used by software systems, and which is 
used as the basis for defining a formal semantics.
]]

#g
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