Possible changes for GRDDL primer

http://www.w3.org/TR/grddl-primer/
These are changes I recommend to the primer version 1.4
(I think, I'm not exactly sure how to read the change log correctly)


1.
current> Clients reading the document can follow their nose using 
techniques described in the GRDDL specification to discover
the appropriate transformations.

rationale: I believe using the word 'client' in this context refers to 
humans. I think 'client' is an overloaded term and
might be replaced with 'authors' for continuity from the 2 sentences 
previous. I recommend removing "using techniques" to the
active form 'use'.

change> (Authors of information | Data providers) reading the document 
can use the techniques described in the GRDDL
specification to discover the appropriate transformation.


2.
current> to illustrate in detail the techniques GRDDL provides for 
associating documents with appropriate instructions for
extracting any embedded data.

rationale: simplfy the sentence construction.

change> to detail the techniques GRDDL provides for relating documents 
with the instructions for extracting embedded data.


3.
current> This is a First Public Working Draft of the GRDDL Primer.

rationale: I do not understand the use of in the indefinate article in 
this context and believe it should be changed to 'the'
for consistency with the definate articles in the sentences that follow: 
this draft, the document, this primer

change>  This is the First Public Working Draft of the GRDDL Primer.


4.
current> GRDDL is intended to contribute to addressing Web Architecture 
issues such as

rationale: simplify the sentence construction

change> GRDDL's contribution intends to address Web Architecture issues 
such as


5.
current> GRDDL provides a relatively inexpensive set of mechanisms for 
bootstrapping RDF content from uniform XML dialects in
such a way as to shift the burden of formulating RDF to transformation 
algorithms written specifically for these dialects.

rationale: simplify the sentence construction by creating two sentences

change>  GRDDL provides an inexpensive set of mechanisms to bootstrap 
RDF content from uniform XML dialects.
This reduces the direct burden on content providers for formulating the 
RDF needed to create transformation algorithms
written specifically for these dialects.


6.
current> If Stephan was looking for a guitar with a specific review 
rating or higher from a his group of friends, we now have
enough data in RDF to do just that:

rationale: I believe there is one too many words in this sentence. 
Create a compound sentence by adding a conjunction.
We shouldnt consider 'if' Stephan intends to do so since it is the point 
of the use case. By creating a declarative
sentence we  build a stronger case.

change>  Stephan was looking for a guitar with a specific review rating 
or higher from his group of friends, and now we
have enough data in RDF to do just that:

7.
current> This can display the results on screen, email them to Stephan 
or it can be pulled into another application to search the web for the best
prices on the short list of guitars.

rationale: I believe there is a problem with number agreement. 'Results' 
is plural but then is referred to using the pronoun
'it'. 'They' may be the proper pronoun in this situation.

change> This can display the results on screen, email them to Stephan or 
they can be pulled into another application to
search the web for the best prices on the short list of guitars.

8.
current>In this document the term HTML is used to refer to the XHTML 
dialect of HTML.

rationale: simplify

change> The term 'HTML' in this document refers to the XHTML dialect of 
HTML.


9.
current>In this use case Jane, a frequent traveller, is trying to 
schedule a meeting with three of her friends.

rationale: simplify; When the sentence is declarative the action changes 
from something trying to be accomplished to
something that is accomplished.

change>In this use case, a frequent traveller named Jane schedules a 
meeting with three friends.


10

current>GRDDL provides a number of ways for GRDDL Transformations to be 
associated with content, each of which is appropriate
in different situations.

rationale: simplify

change>GRDDL can be used to associate transformations and content 
differently in different situations.

11

current> In our example one of Jane's friends has marked up their 
schedule using the hCalendar microformat.
The hCalendar microformat uses HTML class attributes to associate event 
related semantics with elements in the markup

rationale: simplify

change> In our example, one of Jane's friends (uses | employs) the 
hCalendar microformat to mark up her schedule. The
hCalendar microformat associates event related semantics and elements 
(using | with) HTML class attributes.


12

current> To explicitly relate the data in this document to the RDF data 
model the author needs to make two changes.

rationale: change the sentence to a declarative

change> The author can explicitly relate the data in this document to 
the RDF data model with two simple changes.


13

current> Then she needs to add a link element containing the reference 
to the specific instructions for converting HTML
containing hCalendar patterns into RDF.

rationale: Since this is the second of a two step procedure, it would 
lend continuity to the process to replace 'then' with
'second', or 'secondly'.

change> Secondly, she needs to add a link element containing the 
reference to the specific instructions for converting HTML
containing hCalendar patterns into RDF.


14

current> In our example another of Jane's friends, David, has chosen to 
mark up his schedule using Embedded RDF:

rationale: simplify

change> In our example Jane's friend David marks up his schedule using 
Embedded RDF:


15

current> Note that in this document the profile attribute does not 
contain a reference to the GRDDL profile.

rationale: I would replace the possibly ambiguous 'this document' with 
'David's schedule'.

change> Note that in David's schedule the profile attribute does not 
contain a reference to the GRDDL profile.

16

current> In this case the profile transformation refers to a a 
stylesheet that can convert HTML containing Embedded RDF into
RDF/XML.

rationale: I believe there is a mistake because are two 'a''s .

change>  In this case the profile transformation refers to a stylesheet 
that can convert HTML containing Embedded RDF into
RDF/XML.

17

current> There are various special interest publications online which 
feature musical instrument reviews and could be blogs
which contain reviews by individuals.

rationale: I dont understand the sentence

change> There are various special interest publications online featuring 
musical instrument reviews or blogs
which contain reviews made by individuals.


18

current> Among the reviewers there may be friends of Stephan and people 
whose opinion Stephan values

rationale: Removing 'may' creates a more compelling arguement.

change> Online reviewers include Stephan's friends and people whose 
opinion Stephan values.
19

current> There may also be reviews planted by instrument manufacturers 
which offer very biased views.

rationale: This is a great thing to point out!

change> Stephan (wants | wishes | intends) to avoid any biased reviews 
planted by instrument manufacturers.


20

current> With all of these tools we can find Stephan's friends and find 
the guitar reviews that those friends created.

rationale: I think Stephan is doing the activity not us.

change>  These tools empower Stephan to find his friend' s guitar reviews.


21

current> Using GRDDL we can glean information about the guitar in the 
form of product specifications supplied by the
manufacturer and reviews from site members. Once we have this data as 
RDF we can run queries can be run on it using SPARQL.
SPARQL (The SPARQL Protocol and RDF Query Language) is a query language 
for RDF.

rationale: Like above, I think there was a shift away from Stephan 
performing the action.

change>  Using GRDDL Stephan gleans the guitar guitar product 
specifications supplied by the
manufacturer and reviews from site members. Once he has this data as RDF 
its straightforward to query it using SPARQL.
SPARQL (The SPARQL Protocol and RDF Query Language) is a query language 
for RDF.

22

current> If Stephan was looking for a guitar with a specific review 
rating or higher from a his group of friends, we now have
enough data in RDF to do just that:

rationale:  Like above, I think there was a shift away from Stephan 
performing the action. I also think there is an
additional 'a'.

change>  Stephan can limit his search  for a guitar with a specific 
review rating or higher from  his group of
friends, he now has enough data in RDF to do just that:


23

current> Once we have all the matching reviews, we can then restrict the 
data so that the reviews are all those by Stephan's
friends. From the XFN links in Stephan's page which identify people 
Stephan trusts, we can match URIs to other locations
where they have been asserted (the guitar review page for instance).

rationale:  Like above, I think there was a shift away from Stephan 
performing the action.

change>  Once the results set is limited to the matching reviews, then 
there can be further restrictions so that the
reviews are all those by Stephan's friends. From the XFN links in 
Stephan's page which identify people Stephan trusts, he can
match URIs to other locations where they have been asserted (the guitar 
review page for instance).

Received on Sunday, 4 February 2007 19:57:57 UTC