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Yoshio's review

From: Yoshio FUKUSHIGE <fuku@w3.org>
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 02:37:45 +0900
Message-ID: <006201c4d63a$236fe740$020ba8c0@delldell>
To: "Eric Prud'hommeaux" <eric@w3.org>, <public-rdf-dawg@w3.org>

Hi all,

I have to send regrets for the next telecon (for travelling to Boston).

I'm reviewing the SPARQL editor's draft and this is my comment so far:

Though I haven't read through all the part to be reviewd,
I feel need for clarifying the construction of the document:

(1) An example should be delimited with a preceding example number and some 
special
character telling the end of an example.

(2) There is considerable redunduncy (repetions), which may puzzle readers.
I prefer the style with definitions first and examples later.
Some terms are used before their definitions.

(3) Putting short headlines or keywords before paragraphs introducing new 
concepts
makes it clearer. I see some of them in section 10 and I want them to appear 
everywhere.

I know I should write in more concrete way, but I haven't enough time before
travelling.

I will report more line-by-line manner later, but I first want to know
what other people feel.

Best,
Yoshio
fukushige.yoshio@jp.panasonic.com
fuku@w3.org
Received on Monday, 29 November 2004 17:37:48 GMT

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