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Dilbert Newsletter 10.0 (fwd)



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need.. I fear.. I cry..),
> Sam Barer <barer@cyberspace.com>,Jim Haviland <haviland@cyberspace.com>,
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>From: tup@cyberspace.com (Charles H. Tupper)
>Subject: Dilbert Newsletter 10.0 (fwd)
>Date: Mon, 4 Mar 1996 02:20:03 -0800
>
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>Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 18:14:53 -0800 (PST)
>Sender: owner-dilbert_list@InterNex.NET
>From: scottadams@InterNex.NET
>To: dilbert_list@mlm.InterNex.Net
>Subject: NewsLetter 10.0
>X-Listprocessor-Version: 7.2 -- ListProcessor by CREN
>
>          Dilbert Newsletter 10.0 
>          -----------------------
>
>To:    Dogbert's New Ruling Class (DNRC)
>From:  Scott Adams
>Date:  February 1996
>
>(Use Courier 12 point font for proper formatting)
>
>
>  Highlights:
>  ------------------------------------------------
>  - Presidential political analysis
>  - Strange Tales of Induhviduals
>  - Conversation with my cat
>  - New Dilbert book "Still Pumped From Using the Mouse"
>  ------------------------------------------------
>
>
>DNRC Status Report
>------------------
>
>The DNRC has grown to over 100,000 amazingly intelligent and strangely 
>attractive members.  Each DNRC member is endowed with so much crackling 
>sex appeal that it occasionally forms a pure beam of energy that shoots 
>from the forehead and stuns nearby Induhviduals. It's not an Olympic 
>sport yet, but someday it will be.
>
>And remember, when Dogbert conquers the earth you will become his New 
>Ruling Class.  The others (the Induhviduals) will become our domestic 
>servants.  And that means ALL of your possessions will smell lemon fresh.
>
>
>Status of DNRC Family Members
>-----------------------------
>
>Many people have asked about the status of family members in a case in 
>which only one of them is on the DNRC mailing list.  Are the other family 
>members covered, or must they become domestic servants?
>
>It's hard to come up with a blanket rule that covers all cases since some 
>of the worst Induhviduals are in our own families.  The decision to 
>include family members must be made by the DNRC member who is on the 
>mailing list.  
>
>For example, I plan to cover my siblings and my parents (as far as they 
>know), but cousin Kenneth is destined for valet parking.
>
>
>Communications Decency Act
>--------------------------
>
>The government of the United States has passed a law which makes it a 
>crime to transmit indecent materials over the Internet.  As a citizen of 
>this great country I plan to fully comply with that law.
>
>>From now on, whenever I get the urge to use an offensive word in e-mail I 
>will substitute the name of an offensive politician.  I urge you to do 
>the same.
>
>The beauty of this approach is that they can't easily ban these new 
>naughty words without changing their own names.  I know I could get in 
>trouble for suggesting such a thing, but I don't give a flying Clinton 
>what they think.  And if they don't like it they can come over here and 
>kiss my Gingrich.
>
>
>World's Most Dangerous Cartoon
>------------------------------
>
>In the past few months I have received a number of complaints about the 
>negative impact that the Dilbert strip has on society.  In particular, 
>the following charges have been leveled against me:
>
>  My ad hominem attacks on lawyers leads to the type of 
>  atmosphere that caused the Oklahoma City bombing.
>
>  My introduction of Antina (the non-stereotypical woman 
>  character) will ultimately hurt the math scores of girls.
>
>When I entered the cartooning profession I had no idea how much harm I 
>could do to innocent bystanders.  From now on I pledge to use my vast 
>powers of influence only for good.
>
>I'll start small, perhaps focusing on the elimination of coffee slurping 
>in the office:
>
>       HEY!  STOP SLURPING THAT COFFEE, YOU NEANDERTHAL!  
>       IT'S DRIVING PEOPLE CRAZY!! 
>
>
>If that works, I'll tackle global warming in the next newsletter.
>
>Survey Results
>--------------
>In the 1995 Highly Unscientific Dilbert Survey I asked this question:
>
>"If you had a chance to hit your boss in the back of the head with one of 
>the following objects, with no risk of getting caught, which would you 
>choose?"
>
>Here's how the votes went:
>
>  Choice                                   Votes
>  ------------------------------------------------
>  1.  "Nerf" ball                           17%
>
>  2.  Large bean burrito                    19%
>
>  3.  Ripe melon                            14%
>
>  4.  Framed certificate of appreciation    13% 
>
>  5.  The outdated computer you are         13%
>      forced to use.
>
>  6.  Your last performance review,          7%
>      including the 600 pound file cabinet
>      it's kept in.
>
>  7.  All of your co-workers, bound by       8%
>      duct tape and flung from a huge 
>      catapult.
>
>  8.  Ford Pinto with a full tank of gas     7%
>      (just to see what all the hype was 
>      about)
>
>
>
>Conversation With Freddie
>-------------------------
>
>The other day I was complaining that I had gained a few pounds.  I 
>quipped that I could "feel gravity tugging at me."
>
>My large gray cat, Freddie, overheard my whining and corrected me by 
>saying "Technically, Scott, gravity doesn't tug on you.  Einstein saw 
>gravity as the bending of space around dense objects."
>
>"Really?" I asked, more to humor him than because I was interested.
>
>Freddie continued, "But I've developed another theory."
>
>"Let's hear it, fuzzy." I said.  (He hates it when I call him that.  But 
>I wasn't too keen on being called a dense object, either.)
>
>Freddie then went on to explain how the universe was formed in a big 
>bang.  All matter expanded outward -- as most scientists agree -- but in 
>addition (and this was Freddie's twist) all matter was rapidly increasing 
>in size.  According to Freddie, nobody notices that everything is getting 
>bigger because all our measuring devices and frames of reference are 
>growing at the same rate.  The only noticeable effect of everything 
>growing is the illusion of gravity.  
>
>"For example," Freddie continued, "If you leap in the air, at first the 
>distance between you and the earth increases."
>
>"Duh," I countered.
>
>Freddie ignored my witticism and continued, "But while you're in the air, 
>the earth gets bigger, and you get bigger, and the distance between you 
>and the earth decreases.  Gravity is just an illusion in an ever growing 
>universe."
>
>This blew me away.  I sat in stunned silence.  It was a full minute 
>before I could talk again.
>
>"Freddie," I said.  "Do you realize the enormous economic potential we 
>have here?"
>
>"I do," he said, somewhat smugly.
>
>So I sold Freddie to the circus for $500.  You don't find a talking cat 
>that often, and when you do, you don't want to waste it.  
>
>
>Dogbert Emoticon
>----------------
>
>Since many of you asked, the ascii symbol for the DNRC is this:   O-    
>
>(capital letter O plus a dash)
>
>It represents a bird's eye view of Dogbert and it also mimics the secret 
>DNRC hand signal.  You can place it in your signature file or you can use 
>it to punctuate a sentence with this meaning:  "I am superior to you in 
>all ways.  You are so loathsome and pitiful that I would not have you as 
>my domestic servant even if you supplied your own cleansers and rags.  I 
>spit on your smilie face.  You smell like a pile of Dole."
>
>
>DNRC Political Analysis
>-----------------------
>
>The following discussion of US presidential politics will seem useless to 
>those of you who are not citizens of the US.  But I can promise you that 
>it will be useless to the US citizens too.  I don't play favorites.
>
>If tradition holds, the nine people who actually vote in the next US 
>presidential election will base their decision primarily on the 
>"intangible" qualities of each candidate.  Chief among the intangibles is 
>the vital question of who each candidate reminds us of.  
>
>Phil Gramm
>----------
>Gramm reminds me of ET.  He's loveable, that's for sure.  But I'll never 
>forgive him for making me sob uncontrollably on a first date when I 
>thought the little fellow was dead.  It's hard to act sexy and masculine 
>at a movie when your head is puffed up like Ted Kennedy at an all night 
>kegger.  It looks like Gramm is out of the race, but ET fooled us too.
>
>Bob Dole
>--------
>Dole reminds me of Darth Vader except older and more bitter.  Close your 
>eyes and imagine Dole with his helmet off, whispering "I am your father, 
>Luke."  On one hand, it might be good for national defense to have Darth 
>Vader at the helm.  But on the other hand (the one with the pencil), 
>Darth tried to kill his own teenage son, who went on to star in some very 
>bad movies.  I think it sends a mixed signal about family values.
>
>Steve Forbes
>-------------
>Forbes reminds me of our leader, Dogbert.  Everybody knows that the 
>average voter is an idiot, but Forbes is actually DOING something about 
>it:  the flat tax proposal.  Experts agree that the flat tax would raise 
>taxes on the middle class, but predictably, the idiot-infested middle 
>class supports the idea because they don't pay attention too closely and 
>they think their taxes will go down.
>
>Forbes' own taxes would go way down, and his company would make out like 
>a bandit.  You have to love a candidate who isn't afraid to treat the 
>whole thing as an investment.
>
>Bill Clinton
>-------------
>Clinton reminds me of the water stain on the ceiling above my shower.  
>Every morning I ask myself how much it's really bothering me, then I 
>decide to leave it there for another four years.
>
>Richard Lugar
>-------------
>Lugar reminds me of a cross between Mister Rogers and Alfred E. Newman.  
>Lugar's experience looks good on paper, but deep down I'm worried that he 
>puts his underwear on backwards about half the time.  Then he calls his 
>wife in to show her that he "Did it again" and then they both laugh 
>hysterically at the fact that he's trying to become the leader of the 
>free world.
>
>Pat Buchanan
>------------
>Buchanan reminds me of a huge, angry beaver:  industrious, yet rodential. 
> I imagine myself sitting in a log cabin, looking out the window and 
>seeing him just sitting on my lawn scowling and licking his lips.  I know 
>that if I go to the post office, I'll come back to find my house 
>disassembled and floating on a nearby stream.
>
>I recommend building a large aluminum fence around Buchanan's tour bus to 
>keep him away from the rest of the country.
>
>Summary:
>
>I doubt any candidate can win without the unqualified endorsement of the 
>DNRC.  (And I do mean unqualified.)  Dogbert has authorized me to throw 
>the full weight of DNRC endorsement to the first candidate who joins the 
>DNRC -- no matter how repugnant that person might be -- by sending a 
>snail mail request, on official letterhead, to:
>
>Dilbert List Presidential Endorsement
>c/o United Media
>200 Madison Ave
>NYC, NY 10016
>
>E-mail requests from candidates will be ignored because I know you're all 
>smart enough to fake those.  (I figured that out after getting several 
>suggestions about the strip from President Clinton at 
>President@whitehouse.gov.)
>
>
>DNRC Enemies List
>-------------------
>
>In Newsletter #8, I added Drew Carey to the DNRC Enemies Watch List 
>because of his eerie physical resemblance to Dilbert.  Drew contacted me 
>by e-mail and asked if I would take him off the list if some Dilbert 
>merchandise were placed around the set of his sitcom.  I agreed.  On 
>January 17th, Dilbert and Dogbert dolls were clearly visible in his 
>cubicle.  Drew is hereby removed from the enemies list and promoted to 
>Sainthood in the DNRC.  (Saint Drew of Sitcoms.)
>
>As a further show of DNRC power, I recommend that we all watch his 
>excellent show on Wednesday nights and pump up his ratings.
>
>Note to Steve Forbes:  Bribery works
>
>By popular demand, the Pillsbury Doughboy is added to the DNRC enemies 
>list.  Martha Stewart is also added, but on a temporary basis, until she 
>tells us the most festive way to dispose of little Poppin' Fresh.
>
>  DNRC Enemies
>  -------------
>  1.  Little Billy from Family Circus
>  2.  Satan
>  3.  Snuggles the fabric softener bear
>  4.  Putterman family (including cousin John Tesh)
>  5.  Pillsbury Doughboy
>  6.  Martha Stewart (temporary status)
>
>
>More DNRC Saints
>----------------
>
>The number of people who qualified for DNRC sainthood in the past few 
>months exceeds my space here.  Most people qualified by taking special 
>steps to lobby their newspapers to add Dilbert after Calvin and Hobbes 
>went away.  I'm deeply appreciative for all of your efforts.  Consider 
>yourself a Saint if you're in that category.  As a special thanks, the 
>Rights of Saints have been extended to include...
>
>        The right to complain about the outcome
>        of elections in which you did not vote.
>
>
>Prank on Windows Users
>----------------------
>
>This was suggested by several DNRC minxes:
>
>Find a screenshot utility (software) and take a nice screen shot of the 
>computer's desktop.  Convert it to Windows wallpaper.  Now delete all 
>icons off of your desktop.  When an Induhvidual tries to use the computer 
>none of the icons will work.  Hilarity ensues.
>
>
>
>True Stories of Induhviduals
>----------------------------
>(reprinted with permission)
>
>I feel it is my duty to tell you about the actions of an Induhvidual I 
>worked with over the summer.
>
>My friend, who was experimenting with our company's new alphanumeric 
>pager technology, wanted to send me a message that said "YOU BLOW 
>CHUNKS!".  But he wasn't sure which mail server I was on.  So he picked 
>one at random.  The one he picked was the mail server for all of the 
>upper management and supervisors.  And since the computer couldn't find 
>me, it decided to share his message with everyone on that mail server, 
>including our supervisor.
>
>(Editor's note:  Several of the more obedient managers actually blew 
>chunks when they got the message.)
>
>
>And Another True Story of an Induhvidual
>----------------------------------------
>(reprinted with permission)
>
>There was an Induhvidual in a company where I used to work who had the 
>title of "Technology Supervisor." One of her first projects was to put a 
>PC on everyone's desk.  She decided to go with the model that had the 
>highest rated power supply.  Why?  She figured it must be the most 
>powerful.
>
>She also submitted a request to upper management to rewire the division's 
>building to run on 220 volts because it would make the existing equipment 
>(currently running on 110) "perform better."  Needless to say, she did 
>not last very long in that position.
>
>(Editor's Note:  I'm shocked!)
>
>
>Induhviduals Used for Spare Parts
>---------------------------------
>(reprinted with permission)
>
>Stress Reliever I think not!
>
>I was given one of those stress relievers (balloon filled with some kind 
>of sand).  I guess I threw it against the walls of my neighbor's cube one 
>too many times.  I picked it up the other day and noticed some 
>discoloration so I poked it with my finger and the thing exploded over my 
>keyboard; very fine sand all over the place.  
>
>I immediately shook out my keyboard and vacuumed it. That didn't work.  
>My Return, Shift, and Space Bar keys kept sticking.  So I did what any 
>member of DNRC would do; I swapped it with an Induhvidual's keyboard.
>
>(Editor's note:  Induhviduals are also an excellent source for office 
>supplies, furniture and free long distance calls.)
>
>
>And Another True Story of an Induhvidual
>----------------------------------------
>(reprinted with permission)
>
>This actually happened to us recently:  An irate roommate, frustrated 
>with being kicked out for drug use and general bad attitude, decided to 
>steal a bunch of our stuff in order to "get back at us."  
>
>He figured he'd make it look like a break-in and get away clean.  On the 
>night of the big scam, his plan was set:  he broke one of the front 
>windows, stole our stuff, and took off running. 
>
>Only problem was, he broke the window from the inside, so the glass was 
>shattered all over the front porch!  He was arrested the next day.
>
>(Editor's note:  Worse yet, he only stole his own stuff.)
>
>
>Dogbert Answers My Mail
>-----------------------
>
>In this section Dogbert answers the mail that I'm too polite to handle 
>myself.  
>
>   --------------------
>
>
>   Dear Mr. Adams,
>
>   I do not understand today's comic.  I asked all of my
>   friends what it means and they don't understand it
>   either, so it obviously isn't just me.  Can you explain
>   what's going on here?
>
>
>         Richard
>
>
>   Dear Dick,
>
>   Darwin explained it best in one of his unpublished works 
>   where he theorized, "If your friends were smart, why 
>   would they hang around with YOU?"
>
>   Thank you for writing.  I appreciate the fact that you 
>   took time out from your busy schedule of running with 
>   scissors, swimming immediately after eating and making
>   growling noises at unleashed dogs.
>   
>
>         Dogbert
>
>   --------------------
>
>
>   Dear Mr. Adams,
>
>   I am in the DNRC but I do not understand today's comic.  I 
>   asked all of my friends what it means and they don't 
>   understand it either, so it obviously isn't just me.  Can 
>   you explain what's going on here?  
>
>
>         Bill
>
>   Dear Honored DNRC member William,
>
>   You can only understand today's comic by viewing it   
>   from Mr. Adams' perspective.  Unfortunately that would 
>   require you to be a pale, balding cartoonist with six 
>   quarts of Yuban flowing through your bloodstream.  
>   Otherwise the cartoon makes no sense at all.
>
>   But if somebody named Richard asks you about it, laugh 
>   heartily and express astonishment at his lack of 
>   comprehension.
>
>         Dogbert
>
>
>
>Problems with the Dilbert List
>------------------------------
>
>Some of you missed previous issues of the newsletter because of a 
>software glitch.  This is one of the biggest e-mail lists on the planet 
>and the problems are volume related, so it's hard to test it without 
>spamming you to death.  The software has been upgraded recently.  
>
>The only source for back issues is the Dilbert Web Site.  Or use the 
>directions toward the end of the newsletter to get back issues 
>automatically.  (The automatic method doesn't work for everybody, for 
>reasons that are mysterious.)
>
>
>
>How To Be Funny
>---------------
>
>In an ongoing effort to make my job easier, I will share some important 
>tips for identifying good fodder for humor.
>
>Humor often comes from the weird thoughts and emotions involved in a 
>situation, as opposed to the simple facts.  The best fodder for humor can 
>be communicated by a simple description of the situation and then saying 
>"So then I was thinking..."
>
>Sometimes it's the most mundane events that generate the most interesting 
>emotions.  For example, as you're watching a co-worker present an 
>amazingly illegible slide you might be thinking "Does he think we can 
>read that?  Does he hate us?  I want to rip it off of the projector and 
>make him eat it."
>
>An alleged humorist such as myself could take that situation and twist it 
>so that the illegible slide was about "Improving Company Morale."  By 
>focusing on the emotion it's easier to add humor than if you focused on 
>the main object here, which is the poor graphic.  
>
>Humor-wise, the best types of thoughts and emotions are the ones that you 
>wouldn't want to confess, such as greed, envy, pettiness, disdain, 
>selfishness and the like.  Pick a moment during your day, no matter how 
>"normal" the situation is, and take an inventory of your thoughts.  
>They're often quite bizarre and potentially humorous.  We're so close to 
>these thoughts that we don't notice them.  The job of a humorist is to 
>notice and report the obvious.
>
>
>Sending Ideas for Dilbert
>-------------------------
>
>Most of my ideas for the strip come from e-mail.  (Thanks to all of you 
>who took the time.  I'm sorry I can't give personal responses to all of 
>you.)
>
>The best suggestions are theme ideas, not dialog or "gags."  I'll do the 
>humor part.  I'm most inspired by themes of idiotic management and 
>clueless business practices.  Tell me about things in your day that 
>caused a feeling of anger, insecurity, doubt, distrust, humiliation, 
>incredulity or guilty pleasure.
>
>Some parts of your messages may be quoted by me for articles, books or 
>interviews.  They will be paraphrased if I think it's necessary to 
>conceal the identity of the author or to condense a story.  I never 
>disclose names.
>
>Send suggestions to me, not a reply to the newsletter address.  I'm at 
>scottadams@aol.com.  And your best bet is to wait at least two weeks from 
>receiving the newsletter, because I get about a thousand messages a day 
>in that period.
>
>
>Thanks!
>
>The Dilbert Store on the Web
>----------------------------
>
>Now available for sale on the web, DNRC caps, polo shirts and denim 
>shirts, all with a small tasteful DNRC logo of Dogbert with a crown and 
>club.  Perfect for casual day.  Not available anyplace else.
>
>You will also find limited edition Dilbert framed desk art and Dilbert 
>and Dogbert stuffed dolls!
>
>http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/
>
>To order, call 800-882-6450   (International callers dial: 
>+1-612-948-5434)
>
>
>Dilbert Mouse Pads
>------------------
>
>Ring King Visibles has introduced four computer mouse pad and wrist rest 
>designs, including the "Etch A Sketch" and "Bungee Boss" themes from 
>recent favorite strips.  They are available at Office Depot and Egghead 
>Software already.  Go bug your local computer store or office retailer to 
>stock them.  You can also call Ring King visibles for more information at 
>800-272-2366.
>
>Or check out The Video Catalog (The Early Spring 1996 issue) to see four 
>designs.  Call them at 800-733-2232 to get a catalog or order by mail.
>
>
>Dilbert Books
>-------------
>
>"Build a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies" (original material 
>about working at a big company), Andrews and McMeel.  (ISBN 0-8362-1757-8)
>
>"Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons" (a compilation of the 
>first year), Andrews and McMeel. 
>(ISBN 0-8362-1758-6)  
>
>"Clues for the Clueless" from Andrews and McMeel.  It's original material 
>on the subject of manners using the Dilbert cast. (ISBN 0-8362-1737-3)
>
>"Shave the Whales" (a compilation of the second year of Dilbert), Andrews 
>and McMeel. (ISBN 0-8362-1740-3)
>
>"Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy" (a compilation covering 10/5/90 
>through 5/18/91.), Andrews and McMeel.  (ISBN 0-8362-1779-9)
>
>"It's Obvious You Won't Survive By Your Wits Alone" (a compilation 
>covering 5/19/91 to 12/13/92, with color Sundays), Andrews and McMeel.  
>(ISBN 0-8362-0415-8).  
>
>**** To Be Released late in February 1996 *****
>
>"Still Pumped from Using the Mouse (a compilation covering 12/14/92 - 
>9/27/93), Andrews and McMeel.  (ISBN 0-8362-1026-3)
>
>Check with any bookstore.  If that fails, call the publisher directly at 
>800-826-4216 and order by mail.  (International callers use 
>+1-816-932-6700)
>
>
>Dilbert Calendars for 1996
>--------------------------
>
>    - Page A Day - "Ask Me How My Day Went"
>      Andrews and McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7283-8)
>
>    - Desk Calendar - "It's A Trap!"
>      Andrews and McMeel (ISBN 0-8362-7299-4)
>
>    - Wall Calendar - "The Dilbert Zone"
>      Day Dream Publishing (ISBN 1-57081-934-3)
>
>Bookstores might be sold out.  But you can get the Page A Day calendar 
>from the Dilbert web site.
>
>
>Dilbert Business Videos:
>------------------------
>
>Two Newest Videos:  "Talk About Change!" and "Dilbert Gets Reengineered"
>
>Cohen/Gebler Associates has created a set of short animated Dilbert 
>business videos for meetings, workshops and presentations. The videos are 
>based closely on themes from the strip.  They're used primarily as ice 
>breakers.  Topics include Quality, Change, Reengineering, Sales and 
>Meetings in general.
>
>Cohen/Gebler Associates also develop custom programs featuring Dilbert 
>for internal company communications, such as employee training, internal 
>communications and employee meetings/events
>
>Call 800-208-3535 for more information.  (International callers use 
>+1-617-262-4242)
>
>
>
>Dilbert Merchandise by Mail
>---------------------------
>Signals catalog (New Year 1996 issue) call 800-669-9696
>Wireless catalog (Early Spring 1996 issue) call 800-669-9999
>
>- Dilbert silk ties (not the flip up kind)
>- Mug
>- Sweatshirts
>- Book:  "It's Obvious You Won't Survive By Your Wits Alone"
>- Dilbert and Dogbert stuffed dolls
>- Limited edition lithograph (Signals catalog only)
>
>
>
>
>New Dilbert Novelty Items
>-------------------------
>Coming this Spring from OZ:
>
>- Dilbert mug
>- Dilbert Gift book:  "Telling it Like it Isn't"  adapted   
>  from some of Dilbert's most popular strips.
>
>Look for them in gift and card stores or call 800-826-4216 to find the 
>store nearest you.
>
>
>New Dilbert Tie and Suspenders
>------------------------------
>New from Ralph Marlin and Company, Dilbert-inspired silk and polyester 
>ties.  Look for all four styles in gift and novelty stores near you, or 
>call 800-922-8437.
>
>Coming soon from The Rainbow Connection, Dilbert suspenders with a 
>"Falling Down the Corporate Ladder" theme.  To find a store near you, 
>call 413-267-5421.
>
>Hallmark Cards
>--------------
>Hallmark is testing a new line of Dilbert cards in fifty stores 
>nationwide.  If nobody gets hurt in the human trials they'll test them on 
>rats.  If you see any, please buy them.  (The cards, not the rats.)
>
>
>
>New Dilbert T-Shirts from Quality Classics:
>-------------------------------------------
>
>Look for Dilbert T-shirts and sweatshirts from Quality Classics in retail 
>stores around the United States.  There are nineteen designs, but 
>individual stores will carry different subsets.  Demand them at your 
>local store or call Quality Classics to find a store near you:  
>800-735-7185.  New designs include:  Technologically Superior, Trouble 
>Brewing, The Loud Dog, Strategy, Cell Mates and Sensory Deprivation 
>Chamber.
>
>
>
>Online Dilbert Sources
>----------------------
>
>- World Wide Web (The Dilbert Zone)
>  
>     http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert
>
>If you're a company interested in advertising on the Dilbert web pages, 
>send e-mail to webmaster@unitedmedia.com (put "Web ad" in the subject 
>line) or call 800-221-4816 (international callers dial +1-212-293-8500). 
>
>(50 DNRC status points if you get somebody to put a link to the Dilbert 
>web page from another web site.  But please only link to the page itself, 
>not the individual graphics.)
>
>
>- America Online (older daily strips) (Keyword:  Dilbert)
>
>
>
>***************** General Dilbert Facts *******************
>
>The cartoon strip Dilbert began in 1989.  It now appears in over 900 
>papers in 23 countries.  
>
>The author (that would be me) receives over 250 e-mail messages per day.  
>I read all of my e-mail personally.  I don't have an assistant, unless 
>you count my cat.  If you get a canned response, or no response at all, 
>it just means my fingers are tired.  If you get an incoherent answer it 
>means I'm up late.  If you ask multiple questions I often answer the one 
>I like.
>
>Despite what you've heard, I don't work at your company.  I worked at 
>Crocker Bank in San Francisco from 1979 to 1986, then Pacific Bell from 
>1986 to June 1995, mostly in various engineering groups.  But I'm not an 
>engineer by education; I did the MBA thing. 
>
>I am not your high school friend of the same name.  I did not author the 
>Scott Adams Adventure Games for computers.  I did not go to your school.  
>The person you know is not my relative.  I am not your ex-husband.  We 
>were not childhood friends.  I am not related to Douglas Adams.  Despite 
>what your friend says, I don't know him/her.  
>
>Dilbert is not gaining weight.  There is no particular reason that 
>neither Dilbert nor Dogbert have obvious mouths.
>
>The most frequently asked question is "Why does Dilbert's tie curl up 
>like that?"  The answer is either A) It's a metaphor for his inability to 
>control his environment or B) He's just glad to see you.
>
>The boss character has no name.  Dogbert's breed is unspecified.  
>Dilbert's company has no name.  It's intentionally unclear what they do 
>for a living, but Dilbert has a degree in Electrical Engineering from 
>MIT.  
>
>
>Printing, Copying, Reprinting, Licensing of Dilbert
>---------------------------------------------------
>
>The copyright and trademark for Dilbert are owned by United Media in New 
>York.  You can call them at 800-221-4816 (International callers use 
>+1-212-293-8500).  There would be a fee that depends on how you want to 
>use the strip or the characters.
>
>
>About the Dilbert List
>----------------------
>
>It costs you nothing to be on the Dilbert Newsletter list, except for the 
>cost of your own e-mail.
>
>I'm using a "List Server" system to automate this process.  So this 
>newsletter will come to you from a different e-mail address than my 
>personal one.  Don't "reply" to the newsletter address please.
>
>The frequency of the Dilbert Newsletter is approximately "whenever I feel 
>like it" which should be about three or four times a year.
>
>
>How to Subscribe Automatically
>------------------------------
>
>You can subscribe to the Dilbert List automatically by sending an e-mail 
>with the address, subject and message shown:
>
>Address:  listproc@internex.net
>Subject:  Dilbert
>Message:  subscribe Dilbert_List Joe Blow
>                   
>    (except put your real name instead of Joe Blow). 
>
> 
>Your e-mail address will be picked up automatically, so you need not 
>specify it.  The only thing you customize is your first and last name.
>
>
>Unsubscribing
>-------------
>
>If you want to take your name off the list automatically, send an e-mail 
>to listproc@internex.net but include only these words in the body of the 
>message:
>
>            unsubscribe Dilbert_List
>
>Put only the word "Dilbert" in the subject line.  
>
>
>
>Getting Old Newsletters
>-----------------------
>
>You can get back issues of the Dilbert Newsletter automatically by 
>sending an e-mail with this precise form:
>
>Address:  listproc@internex.net
>Subject:  Dilbert
>Message:  get dilbert_list newsletter_1.0
>
>You can use that command form for newletters 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0, 
>6.0, 7.0, 8.0 and 9.0 sending a different message for each.  They might 
>arrive out of order or take a day or two.  This doesn't work for 
>everybody, for reasons none can fathom.
>
>But the best way is to visit the Dilbert web site if you have a web 
>browser.  http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/
>
>I can't send back issues by e-mail for reasons you wouldn't believe if I 
>told you.
>
>
>Problems Signing Up for the Newsletter
>--------------------------------------
>
>If you tried unsuccessfully to subscribe to the newsletter just send 
>e-mail to me and I'll sign you up manually.  My personal address is still 
>scottadams@aol.com
>
>If you try to change your password (which you don't need to do, since 
>only I can post to the list anyway) and you get a strange message saying 
>you're not on the list, ignore it.  It's a "feature."
>
>
>Reprinting This Newsletter
>--------------------------
>
>Feel free to copy, post and distribute this newsletter within the bounds 
>of good netiquette.  
>
>
>Scott Adams
>scottadams@aol.com
>******************************************
>Charles H. Tupper*******tup@cyberspace.com
>Master, Thomas M. Reed Lodge #225, Seattle
>Librarian, MWGL F&AM of Washington (State)
>******Opinions Expressed are my own*******
>
>
******************************************************************************
                             James M. Haviland, RN
                                2527 N.E. 115th
                            Seattle, WA   98125-5301
                                (206) 363-1964
                            haviland@cyberspace.com