RE: New version of mobile accessibility document

Hi, Alan,

Some comments on the draft, all at your discretion.

I do find the bulleted list easier to parse mentally.

Location: Scope, Sentence one
Current wording: WCAG and MWBP, and does not replace either of those
Suggested revision: WCAG and MWBP, and it does not replace either of those
Rationale: clause following the comma needs a subject
("it") to be an independent clause. Reads more clearly than just removing the comma.

Location: Scope, Sentence 3
Current wording: information about best Practices for delivering
Suggested revision: information about best practices for delivering
Lowercase both b and p; not a proper noun

Location: Managing, Sentence 2
Current wording: Although W3C provides best practices and guidelines to address such barriers, depending on the user group these barriers are addressed in different documents
Suggested revision: Although W3C provides best practices and guidelines to address such barriers, depending on the user group, these barriers are addressed in different documents
Rationale: Comma to delineate non-restrictive clause

Location: Managing, Sentence 3
Current wording: However, considering overlapping requirements has some benefits which include
Suggested revision: However, considering that overlapping requirements have some benefits which include
Rationale: Subject verb agreement

Location: Managing, Bullet 2
Current wording: Content providers may decide not to adopt another
recommendation due to imagined cost. This document explains the overlaps and synergies between the two recommendations, and the ways in which once one recommendation is adopted, the other is less onerous.
Suggested revision: Content providers may decide not to adopt another recommendation due to imagined cost. This document explains the overlaps and synergies between the two recommendations and the ways in which, once one recommendation is adopted, adoption of the other is less onerous.

Location: Managing, Bullet 3
Current wording: Specialists in the Web accessibility or mobile Web fields may be unaware of the importance of the other
and have difficulty communicating.
Suggestion/Rationale:
Not sure what "the other" means here. Does
it mean "the other group" or the other document". I think you
mean the other group. If so, then suggested revision is:
Specialists in the Web accessibility or mobile Web fields may
be unaware of the importance of the other recommendation and have
difficulty communicating with each other.
Rationale: Unclear referecne

Location: Why No Mapping Table, sentence 1
Current wording: While there appears to be many similarities between many of the WCAG provisions and those of the MWBPs, there are still many subtle differences.
Suggested revision: While there appear to be many similarities between the WCAG provisions and those of the MWBP, many subtle differences remain.
Rationale: Verb agreement, clarity

Location:
Current wording: For example, while both WCAG and MWBP require good colour contrast, WCAG emphasises users' color perception while MWBP focuses on the device characteristics (reduced color palette, poor lighting).
Suggested revision: For example, while both WCAG and MWBP require good colour contrast, WCAG emphasises users' color perception, while MWBP focuses on the device characteristics (reduced color palette, poor lighting).
Rationale: Need comma to offset clause

Location:
Current wording: This means that complying with WCAG may meet the related MWBP, but not the inverse.
Suggested revision: This means that while complying with WCAG may meet the related MWBP, the inverse is not true.
Rationale: Clarity of meaning

Regards,

Lisa

-----Original Message-----
From: w3c-wai-eo-request@w3.org [mailto:w3c-wai-eo-request@w3.org] On
Behalf Of Alan Chuter
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2008 3:55 AM
To: EOWG; MWI BPWG Public
Subject: New version of mobile accessibility document


Dear EOWG WG and MWBP WG participants,

There is a another new editor's draft of this document [1] for your
continuing review, dated 1 September 2008. I have updated the changelog
with the most important changes [2].

The main changes are a check of consistency between the pages, and
checking the WCAG 2.0 success criteria from the CR.

best regards,

Alan

[1]
http://www.w3.org/2005/MWI/BPWG/Group/TaskForces/Accessibility/drafts/ED-mwbp-wcag-20080901/
[2]
http://www.w3.org/2005/MWI/BPWG/Group/TaskForces/Accessibility/drafts/changelog.html

--
Alan Chuter
Senior Web Accessibility Consultant, Technosite
Researcher, Inredis Project (www.inredis.es)
achuter@technosite.es
http://www.technosite.es

Received on Friday, 5 September 2008 12:37:04 UTC