- From: Shawn Lawton Henry <shawn@w3.org>
- Date: Mon, 12 Apr 2004 20:02:30 -0500
- To: "'Carol at Kognitive.com'" <carol@kognitive.com>, <wai-eo-editors@w3.org>
- Message-ID: <000001c420f2$fffa8880$418d7544@SLHenry>
Carol,
Thank you for your review and comments on the business case. I will post
a revised version with your changes and other's changes soon.
Replies to your comments are below surrounded by brackets []. Let me
know if you want to discuss any of them.
Regards,
~ Shawn
[in changelog]- Overview - Overall looks great! As we discussed in the
call I think
splitting out the Outlines to a new page (Detailed Table of Contents) is
a good
idea. I do like the Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility
section (short
descriptions).
Developing a Custom Business Case Section
[DONE] 1. The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors,
Legal &
Policy Factors pages each start with questions to help identify how
these factors
apply to a specific organization's and guide development of a custom
business
case for a specific organziation.
Change to: To help guide development of a custom business case, the
Social
Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal & Policy Factors
pages each
start with questions to help identify how these factors apply to a
specific
[organization].
Reason: Puts "action" at beginning of sentence - catches eye more
than list of
docs.
__________________________________________
- Social Factors - I like this page especially. The bolded bullets are
very easy to
read visually.
[DONE] Web [Accessibility] is an Aspect of Corporate Social
Responsibility Section
[tweaked a few. since not necessarily common acronym to audiences, I
left it
spelled out several places.] 1. CSR is spelled out in multiple
sections of the
document. Not a bad thing, but it is repetitive. I'm not sure what's
best with
acronyms.
Web Accessibility Benefits People with and without Disabilities Section
["where" as a location might be confusing and difficult to translate so
think not
worth shortening by one word for it. broke into two sentences: "Web
accessibility
provides improved access, and thus social inclusion, for other groups of
people
that are often a focus of corporate social responsibility. Below are
examples of
aspects of Web accessibility that benefit others."] 2. Below are
examples of
aspects of Web accessibility that provide improved access and thus
social
inclusion for additional groups of people that are often a focus of
corporate social
responsibility.
Change to: Below are examples where aspects of Web accessibility
provide
improved access and thus social inclusion for other specific groups of
people that
are often a focus of corporate social responsibility.
Reason: Sentence is a bit awkward and long. Even with changes could
be
shortened.
__________________________________________
- Technology Factors
Identifying Technical Factors for a Specific Organization Section
[DONE] 1. Spelling/Grammar: "provide future-compatibility of [your
or the]
technology?
__________________________________________
- Financial Factors
Identifying Financial Factors for a Specific Organization Section
[DONE] 1. Is the organization possibly legally obligated to make
their Web site
accessible, or might it in the future?
Change to: Is the organization possibly legally obligated to make
their Web site
accessible, or might it {be} in the future?
__________________________________________
- Legal and Policy Factors
Identifying Legal and Policy Factors for a Specific Organization Section
[noted in doc for revision] 1. @@ think this needs to be a section
below & not a
question@@ Is it helpful to include the risk of failing to provide
accessible Web
sites?
I agree that this should be in the Considerations for Different
Types of
Organizations section. I suggest calling it "Legality" and changing the
subheadings to be "___________ Organizations" in the Considerations
section.
Or create a whole new section just on this subject.
-----Original Message-----
From: Carol at Kognitive.com [mailto:carol@kognitive.com]
Sent: Friday, April 02, 2004 5:10 PM
To: wai-eo-editors@w3.org
Cc: Shawn Lawton Henry
Subject: Business Case Overview Comments and Notes
Here are some comments and notes on the Business Case Docs (Editors
discretion). I am done with the entire document - great job to all!
Brackets are spelling/grammar issues.
- Overview - Overall looks great! As we discussed in the call I think
splitting out the Outlines to a new page (Detailed Table of Contents) is
a good idea. I do like the Factors in a Business Case for Web
Accessibility section (short descriptions).
Developing a Custom Business Case Section
1. The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal &
Policy Factors pages each start with questions to help identify how
these factors apply to a specific organization's and guide development
of a custom business case for a specific organziation.
Change to: To help guide development of a custom business case, the
Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal & Policy
Factors pages each start with questions to help identify how these
factors apply to a specific [organization].
Reason: Puts "action" at beginning of sentence - catches eye more
than list of docs.
__________________________________________
- Social Factors - I like this page especially. The bolded bullets are
very easy to read visually.
Web [Accessibility] is an Aspect of Corporate Social Responsibility
Section
1. CSR is spelled out in multiple sections of the document. Not a
bad thing, but it is repetitive. I'm not sure what's best with acronyms.
Web Accessibility Benefits People with and without Disabilities Section
2. Below are examples of aspects of Web accessibility that provide
improved access and thus social inclusion for additional groups of
people that are often a focus of corporate social responsibility.
Change to: Below are examples where aspects of Web accessibility
provide improved access and thus social inclusion for other specific
groups of people that are often a focus of corporate social
responsibility.
Reason: Sentence is a bit awkward and long. Even with changes could
be shortened.
__________________________________________
- Technology Factors
Identifying Technical Factors for a Specific Organization Section
1. Spelling/Grammar: "provide future-compatibility of [your or the]
technology?
__________________________________________
- Financial Factors
Identifying Financial Factors for a Specific Organization Section
1. Is the organization possibly legally obligated to make their Web
site accessible, or might it in the future?
Change to: Is the organization possibly legally obligated to make
their Web site accessible, or might it {be} in the future?
__________________________________________
- Legal and Policy Factors
Identifying Legal and Policy Factors for a Specific Organization Section
1. @@ think this needs to be a section below & not a question@@ Is
it helpful to include the risk of failing to provide accessible Web
sites?
I agree that this should be in the Considerations for Different
Types of Organizations section. I suggest calling it "Legality" and
changing the subheadings to be "___________ Organizations" in the
Considerations section. Or create a whole new section just on this
subject.
Regards,
Carol J. Smith
carol@kognitive.com
Received on Monday, 12 April 2004 21:08:07 UTC