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on rewriting, shorten intros -- Re: Comments on Working Draft of "Improving Access to Government..."

From: Jose M. Alonso <josema@w3.org>
Date: Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:19:19 +0200
Cc: eGov IG <public-egov-ig@w3.org>, "EOWG (E-mail)" <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>, Suzanne Acar <Suzanne.Acar@ic.fbi.gov>, Kevin Novak <kevinnovak@aia.org>
Message-Id: <2C95E760-22E4-432B-9389-45CBBCC6D9BE@w3.org>
To: Judy Brewer <jbrewer@w3.org>
Hi again Judy,

This is the second part of the response. First part at [0].

> ...
> 2) I encourage the eGov IG to pursue additional copyediting,  
> particularly of the abstract and introduction sections, and if  
> possible to shorten the latter, before finalizing this document, as  
> there is a great deal of good material in this document which in the  
> working draft does not come through entirely clearly.
> Please let me know if you have any questions, or if additional  
> suggestions of wording for an accessibility section might be  
> helpful. Thank you for the opportunity to comment.
> ...

Thanks for the suggestion and for your continued support.

As previously mentioned, we received this suggestion several times  
and, as a consequence, Suzanne Acar has recently joined us as  
technical editor. I'm copying her in case she would need  
clarification, further information or additional wording suggestions  
on issues related to Web accessibility.

I think one of the reasons to include some of the content you mention  
in the first draft was to give the eGov community more context on the  
eGov work at W3C. Getting the word out about our work to build  
community around it is something on which we've spent considerable  
effort so far as part of our charter.

Since several people suggested to rewrite most of the introductory  
sections and use a more plain language approach, we opened ISSUE-24  
[0] and is the one that relates the most to your comment. ISSUE-10 [1]  
on the addition of an executive summary is also relevant.

I expect the Group to discuss more about it later today and Suzanne  
and Kevin to work on further editing in the coming days.


[0] http://www.w3.org/2007/eGov/IG/track/issues/24
[1] http://www.w3.org/2007/eGov/IG/track/issues/10

Jose M. Alonso <josema@w3.org>    W3C/CTIC
eGovernment Lead                  http://www.w3.org/2007/eGov/
Received on Wednesday, 29 April 2009 12:20:17 UTC

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