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Edits for Business Case Overview page

From: Charmane K. Corcoran <corcora1@msu.edu>
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 2004 22:40:18 -0600
Message-Id: <a05210601bc928ce36933@[35.12.24.65]>
To: EOList <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Thought it would be easier to put all in one document......Charmane

___________________________
Overview: http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/Overview.html

1. 2nd Paragraph: Make this two sentences.

There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web 
accessibility; however, the initial costs are often offset by full a 
return on investment through direct and indirect benefits.

There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web 
accessibility. However, the initial costs are often offset by full a 
return on investment through direct and indirect benefits.

2. Sentence seems to be missing something:
The justification to commitment resources to a project is called a 
"business case".

Should be:
The justification to commit resources to a project is called a "business case".
		- OR -
The justification to make a commitment of resources to a project is 
called a "business case".


3. Generally would try to avoid two prepositional phrases with the 
same preposition "of the value of the project"

Business cases usually document an analysis of the value of the 
project in meeting the organization's objectives, the cost-benefit 
analysis, and expected outcomes.

Could be:
Business cases usually document an analysis of the project's value in 
meeting the organization's objectives, the cost-benefit analysis, and 
expected outcomes.

4. Paragraph #3
This suite of documents, [Presenting the Case for Web Accessibilty], 
is a resource

Suggest:
This suite of documents included in Presenting the Case for Web 
Accessibilty comprise a resource

5. Remove the comma. Not appropriate in this instance

It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web 
accessibility, and guideance on incorporating these aspects for a 
specific organziation's business case.

Suggest:
It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web 
accessibility and guideance on incorporating these aspects for a 
specific organziation's business case.

6. Under "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility"

*  Social Factors covers the role of organizations' Web accessibility 
in ensuring equal opportunities, the corporate social responsibility 
aspect, and benefits to people with and without disabilities 
including older people, people with low literacy and speakers of 
other languages, people with low bandwidth connections to the 
internet and older technologies, and new and infrequent web users

*  Social Factors covers the role of [an] organizations' Web 
accessibility [policy???] in ensuring equal opportunities, the 
corporate social responsibility, benefits to people with and without 
disabilities including older people, people with low literacy and 
speakers of languages [other than the primary page text] , people 
with low bandwidth connections to the {Internet} and older 
technologies, and new or infrequent web users.


7. Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, reduce site 
development and maintenance time, reduce server load, enable content 
on different configurations, be prepared for advanced web technologies

Change to:
* Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, [reduction or 
reducing] of site development and maintenance time, [reduction or 
reducing] of  server load, [enabling] content on different 
configurations, [being] prepared for advanced web technologies

8. Note in the "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility" 
there is inconsistency in punctuation at the end of the paragraphs. # 
Legal & Policy Factors  has a period at the end but the rest of the 
paragraphs in this section do not.

9. Under "Developing a Custom Business Case"

The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal & 
Policy Factors pages each start with questions to help identify how 
these factors apply to a specific organziation's and guide 
development of a custom business case for a specific organization.

The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, [and the] 
Legal & Policy Factors pages each start with questions to help 
identify how these factors apply [deleted text] and guide development 
of a custom business case for a specific organization.

10. Under "*  A corporation might emphasize:"

# reducing risk of legal action and resulting high legal expenses and 
negative image;

# reducing risk of legal action [which would result in] high legal 
expenses and negative image;





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MSU: Advancing Knowledge. Transforming Lives.

Libraries, Computing & Technology: Connecting People and Information

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a Productive Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charmane K. Corcoran
Information & Project Principal
Michigan State University
Client Advocacy Office
316A Computer Center
East Lansing MI 48824

E-mail:	corcora1@msu.edu
Phone:	Dept. Office - 517/353-4856
	Direct/Vmail - 517/355-4500 Ext. 244
FAX:	Office: 517/355-0141

HmPg:	http://www.msu.edu/~corcora1/
Received on Thursday, 1 April 2004 22:41:55 UTC

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