comments on Mobile Accessibility call

Hi Peter, Yeliz, and Simon,

Thank you for continuing to work on the Mobile Accessibility call. It 
looks much clearer now. Below are some comments on the current drafts:


http://www.w3.org/WAI/RD/wiki/Mobile_Accessibility_Call
  - I think Jeanne has raised this before but the template sections 
listed in section "Contributing" does not seem to match the call text, 
especially where it says "this symposium aims to bring researchers and 
practitioners together to scope the extent and magnitude of existing 
mobile accessibility [...] We specifically seek reports and guides". 
Having "the problem they tried to solve" after that just seems like a 
mismatch to me.
  - Minor: I think this same list of template section needs some 
editorial refinement, it does not read as well as the rest of the text.


http://www.w3.org/WAI/RD/wiki/Mobile
  - The section "Background" seems quite thrown together. It needs some 
editorial work to get a better flow and grammar. In particular, please 
continue the sentence lengths, I already got lost in the first. Also, it 
seems that there are several points being made at the same time and they 
may need to be separated out and more clearly explained each.
  - Consider separating out the questions listed in the "Objectives" 
section into its own section. It is quite a dense (but a useful) list 
and confuses the section. Maybe a sub-heading?
  - Also, The first paragraph of the "Objectives" section seems to have 
similar issues to the "Background" section (flow, complexity, grammar, 
and sentence lengths). It may be useful to break out the inline list 
into a bulleted list, as this may also help readability and skimming.


Regards,
   Shadi

-- 
Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/
Activity Lead, W3C/WAI International Program Office
Evaluation and Repair Tools Working Group (ERT WG)
Research and Development Working Group (RDWG)

Received on Wednesday, 21 March 2012 00:24:59 UTC