RE: WAI Business Case draft

 Hello Andrew,

My comments below. I managed to review only half of the first page. I
will try to look at the rest when time allows.

Anna

>-----Original Message-----
>From: public-wai-age-request@w3.org 
>[mailto:public-wai-age-request@w3.org] On Behalf Of ext Andrew Arch
>Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 7:28 PM
>To: EOWG (E-mail); public-wai-age@w3.org
>Subject: WAI Business Case draft
>
>
>Dear EO and WAI-AGE task force,
>
>Th latest draft of the Business Case is now available, and 
>will shortly be opened for a formal review period before 
>publishing. However, I would ask you to please take a look now 
>and provide me with any comments on this draft that should be 
>considered before we finalise the draft and open it for final review.
>
>Developing a Web Accessibility Business Case for Your 
>Organization: Overview
>- http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/Overview.html

First sentence of introduction, I actually like the old text somewhat
better than the new one. The reason why, the new text is in present
indefinite and the old one is in present continuous. The truth is that
the web IS NOT YET an essential resource for all age groups and in all
parts of the world. So either need to say "is becoming an essential
resource" in the new text or say "has become ... for younger generation
and continuously becoming ... for all the age groups".

"Web accessibility is a basic human right as recognised recently by the
UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities". The first
part of the sentence is not obvious from the preceeding text and is a
conclusion based on the text that follows. So I would rephrase it to say
something like: Therefore, it has been recently recognised by the UN
Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities that accessibility
of the web is a basic human right.

"An accessible Web also benefits others, including older people with
changing abilities due to ageing." - move it to a separate paragraph and
elaborate. You have a separate paragraph dedicated to the benefits for
business, hence ageing population also deserves a bit more focus.

Are "initial costs" explained anywhere in the set of these docs? If not,
it might be good to list those possible costs as a bullet list or a list
of examples.

In the section "Developing a Customized Business Case" I would add a
sentence somewhere saying that even different companies are driven by
different factors and expect different outcomes, the end result for a
web user is pretty much the same, i.e. accessible site for those who
need it and easier to use site for all the rest.




>   Social Factors
>   - http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc.html
>   Technical factors
>   - http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/tech.html
>   Financial Factors
>   - http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/fin.html
>   Legal and Policy Factors
>   - http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/pol.html
>
>Thanks in anticipation, Andrew
>
>--
>Andrew Arch
>Web Accessibility and Ageing Specialist
>W3C/ERCIM, Sophia Antipolis, France
>Ph +33 (0)4 92 38 79 46
>www.w3.org/WAI/WAI-AGE/
>
>
>

Received on Friday, 12 December 2008 10:28:30 UTC