Re: New Editor's draft available

Thanks for the diff [1],... I'm sending comments based on 3 August
2016 Editor's Draft [2] as there were some fixes since.

should "Call for Votes" be a named anchor in one place and a link in
the other? and similarly for "Call for Nominations"? note that
occasionally the text uses "Calls for ..." instead, but it'd be
helpful if those were linked to the "Call for ..." items...

> The title, stable URL, and publication date of the Adopted Working Draftwhich will serve as the basis for work on the deliverable
> The title, stable URL, and publication date of the most recent Reference Draft or Candidate Recommendation which triggered an Exclusion Opportunity per the Patent Process
> The stable URL of the Working Group charter under which the most recent Reference Draft or Candidate Recommendation was published.

I think the first two bullets here should end w/ periods (or at least
some form of punctuation...).

I believe the document uses Oxford comma as in:
> (yes, no, or abstain)

There's should be an Oxford comma below:
> The Director must begin a review of a proposal to obsolete, un-obsolete or rescind a


> The Working Group who produced, or is chartered to maintain, the Recommendation.
> The TAG, if there is no such Working Group
> Any individual who made a request to the relevant Working Group as described above, or the TAG if such a group does not exist, to consider a Recommendation for obsoletion or rescindment, whose request was not answered within 90 days
> 5% of the members of the Advisory Committee

My standard complaint about missing end of bullet punctuation...

> Announce the proposal to all Working Group Chairs, and to the Public.
> indicate that this is a proposal to Rescind, Obsolete, or reverse the Obsoletion of, a Recommendation
> identify the Recommendation by URL.
> publish a rationale for rescinding the Recommendation.
> identify known dependencies and solicit review from all dependent Working Groups
> solicit public review
> specify the deadline for review comments, which must be at least four weeks after the Director's announcement

Some of these lines start with capital letters, some end with periods,
some do both, some do one but not the other.. I'm not a fan of some of
these variations, and I'm not a fan of variations in style between
bullets :)-- My preference is sentences (even 3 word short sentences
as in "Solicit public review.").

> identify known implementation

rollup: I believe I've already asked for at least an `s` in an email a
few minutes ago...

---

> An Obsolete or Rescinded Recommendation must be published with up to date status. The updated version may remove the main body of the document. The Status of this Document section should link to an explanation of the Obsolete or Rescinded status as appropriate.

If a recommendation is rescinded and then the director decides to
un-rescind the recommendation, what should be published?

> Once W3C has published a Rescinded Recommendation, future W3C technical reports must not include normative references to that technical report.

possibly: `has published a Rescinded` -> `Rescinded a`;

There should probably be a caveat "unless it is later un-rescinded".

> Before signing the MoU,
>  ... intent to sign ... make the MoU
>  Appeal .. decision to sign the MoU.
>  Once approved, a Memorandum of Understanding should be made public.

"a" -> "the" to match the other instances.

> If rejected, the Submitter(s) may initiate a Submission Appeal to either the TAG or the Advisory Board.

should this have `as appropriate`? (i.e. it isn't the Submitters
choice as to which to use, right?)



[1] https://www.w3.org/2016/07/18-Process2016-diff.html
[2] https://dvcs.w3.org/hg/AB/raw-file/default/cover.html

Received on Friday, 26 August 2016 12:50:13 UTC