Module 1 Intro Review

Item: Mention who benefits from this specification in the Abstract, preferably
in the first one or two sentences.

Item: Both Abstract and Intro talk about "unnecessary distractions." This
makes no sense, unless one also defines what a necessary distraction is, i.e.
why say "unnecessary" at all. Wouldn't "minimize distractions" be more
accurate?

Item: Statement "The Personalization Semantics Content Module 1.0 is an
extension of the personalization semantics introduced in the
[1]Personalization Semantics Explainer" is confusing. I think we need the
phrase "series of personalization modules," arguably with lower case
"personalization."

Item: First sentence of Intro 
plain language check: "is designed to" is too much indirection. Suggest simply
saying "enables content authors." Would also intro the phrase "standard based
mechanism," or "standard markup approach"

Item: Intro first paragraph should also point to AAC. That's what this is all
about, right?

Item: Plain language "is to enable" ??

Item: "Adaptation of content" ??

Item: "Third para starts: "Personalization semantics is a series of technical
specifications." This is a very important point and should be featured up top,
i.e. the term "personalization semantics" is being used confusingly, sometimes
to mean Module 1, sometimes to mean the series of expected modules.
Disambiguate.

Item: Grammar: "All the vocabulary in Personalization Semantics Content Module are made
of properties and their values. Please see our our [3]Explainer for
Personalization Wiki.

" might instead be: "The vocabulary in Personalization Semantics Content
Module 1 consists of selected properties and their values and is further
explained  in our
[3]Explainer for Personalization Wiki.

Item:	Grammar: Terms ---

This document uses the terms as defined by the COGA task force. See [6]COGA
Glossary.
."

Might better be something like:

"This document uses terms as defined by the COGA task force See in [6]COGA
Glossary."





-- 

Janina Sajka

Linux Foundation Fellow
Executive Chair, Accessibility Workgroup:	http://a11y.org

The World Wide Web Consortium (W3C), Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI)
Chair, Accessible Platform Architectures	http://www.w3.org/wai/apa

Received on Monday, 1 June 2020 13:52:26 UTC