Re: revised draft web story - last one

Dear Norah,

Thank you for your excellent work on these stories!

I have seen your request from Friday evening to review something on 
GitHub but did not yet get to it. Attached are some comments on the 
stories that you circulated earlier in Word format.

Overall, I think your edits are great! Just a few general thoughts:

* We spent a lot of effort in ensuring that the names reflect diverse 
geographic, cultural, and ethnic background. I have not looked at the 
new names from that perspective but it would be important to maintain.

* Sometimes there may be good reasons to remove or change certain key 
points. For example, in the story on Ms Kaseem you are proposing to 
remove the link to "Contacting Organizations". I don't feel strongly 
either way, but it was a deliberate EOWG decision to have this link. Am 
I correct in assuming you are keeping a changelog somewhere to record 
these types of changes? It would be important to make sure that EOWG 
reviews and agrees to these changes at some point in the process.

Hope this makes sense, but let me know if you would like to discuss.

Best,
   Shadi


On 15/09/2017 17:06, Sinclair, Norah M wrote:
> Draft version of web stories revisions Ms. Laitinen – Leena is attached for your feedback.
> 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> 
> Norah Sinclair
> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
> 
> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
> 
> phone 404.894.7432
> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
> 
> 
> ________________________________
> From: Sinclair, Norah M
> Sent: Thursday, September 14, 2017 3:19 PM
> To: Shadi Abou-Zahra; Sylvie Duchateau
> Cc: public-eo-archive@w3.org; Bakken, Brent; Sharron Rush; shawn@w3.org
> Subject: revised web stories github issue
> 
> 
> I created a github issue to compare versions of 1st revised web story: https://github.com/w3c/wai-people-use-web/issues/50
> 
> 
> If this seems the best way to provide to review team for feedback, I will create issues for the other 4 that Shadi and Sylvie have reviewed.
> 
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Norah
> 
> 
> Norah Sinclair
> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
> 
> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
> 
> phone 404.894.7432
> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
> 
> 
> ________________________________
> From: Sinclair, Norah M
> Sent: Thursday, September 14, 2017 2:38 PM
> To: Shadi Abou-Zahra; Sylvie Duchateau
> Cc: public-eo-archive@w3.org; Bakken, Brent; Sharron Rush; shawn@w3.org
> Subject: Re: How People with Disabilities use the Web revised web stories draft versions
> 
> 
> Shadi and Sylvie,
> 
> 
> Here are two more draft web story revisions for your feedback: Ms. Kaseem - Kaseem (name may need to be changed if you have a suggestion. Kaseem may be associated as a male name and the story uses the pronoun she) and Mr. Sands - Stephen. There is one more story to go, which I hope to complete today or tomorrow.
> 
> 
> I would like to have the review team begin reviewing the stories that you and Sylvie have already seen. What would be the best way to share the before and after versions of the stories, on a wiki or creating github issues for each story, or another way?
> 
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> Norah
> 
> 
> Norah Sinclair
> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
> 
> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
> 
> phone 404.894.7432
> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
> 
> 
> ________________________________
> From: Shadi Abou-Zahra <shadi@w3.org>
> Sent: Thursday, September 14, 2017 9:41 AM
> To: Sinclair, Norah M; Sylvie Duchateau
> Cc: public-eo-archive@w3.org; Bakken, Brent; Sharron Rush; shawn@w3.org
> Subject: Re: How People with Disabilities use the Web revised web stories draft versions
> 
> Hi Norah,
> 
> Excellent edits! I made a few minor tweaks using track changes for your
> consideration - these are all for editors' discretion.
> 
> Best,
>     Shadi
> 
> 
> On 07/09/2017 22:07, Sinclair, Norah M wrote:
>> Shadi and Sylvie,
>>
>>
>> Here are two more draft revisions of web stories attached for your feedback, Ms. Olsen (Katie) and Mr. Yunus (Yun) with the goal to make the content simple and brief and to use active voice and actionable statements. Katie's story may need to be compressed a bit more.
>>
>>
>> Regards,
>>
>> Norah
>>
>>
>> Norah Sinclair
>> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
>>
>> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
>> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
>> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
>>
>> phone 404.894.7432
>> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
>>
>>
>> ________________________________
>> From: Sinclair, Norah M
>> Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2017 4:03 PM
>> To: Shadi Abou-Zahra; Sylvie Duchateau
>> Cc: public-eo-archive@w3.org
>> Subject: Re: How People with Disabilities use the Web revised web stories draft versions
>>
>>
>> Shadi,
>>
>>
>> Thanks for the feedback. I'll make the changes and send revisions.
>>
>>
>> Norah
>>
>>
>> Norah Sinclair
>> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
>>
>> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
>> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
>> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
>>
>> phone 404.894.7432
>> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
>>
>>
>> ________________________________
>> From: Shadi Abou-Zahra <shadi@w3.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, August 31, 2017 10:15 AM
>> To: Sinclair, Norah M; Sylvie Duchateau
>> Cc: public-eo-archive@w3.org
>> Subject: Re: How People with Disabilities use the Web revised web stories draft versions
>>
>> Hi Norah,
>>
>> Looks excellent!
>>
>> I've made some comments using track changes for your consideration.
>>
>> Best,
>>      Shadi
>>
>>
>> On 30/08/2017 19:40, Sinclair, Norah M wrote:
>>> Shadi and Sylvie,
>>>
>>>
>>> Here are two more draft revisions of web stories attached. Mr. Jones (Jonah) and Ms. Martinez (Martine). The goal is to make the content simple and brief and to use active voice and actionable statements.
>>>
>>>
>>> The next several stories do not seem to need quite as much revision. I will send additional stories later today. Please provide whatever feedback you may have. After your feedback, the goal will be to provide updated drafts to the review team beginning next week.
>>>
>>>
>>> Thank you,
>>>
>>> Norah
>>>
>>>
>>> Norah Sinclair
>>> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
>>>
>>> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
>>> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
>>> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
>>>
>>> phone 404.894.7432
>>> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
>>>
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>> From: Shadi Abou-Zahra <shadi@w3.org>
>>> Sent: Tuesday, August 22, 2017 4:06 PM
>>> To: Sinclair, Norah M; Sylvie Duchateau; Bakken, Brent; Sharron Rush; shawn@w3.org
>>> Subject: Re: How People with Disabilities use the Web planned revisions and content questions
>>>
>>> Hi Norah,
>>>
>>> I agree that the other sections are more concise and have an active
>>> tone. I recall Sharron still had some concerns, especially with the
>>> principles page. I think it may be the current one-page presentation
>>> that is creating this perceived wall of text, so maybe your idea of
>>> adding graphics could help. I also don't know how the new WAI design
>>> addresses these types of pages in terms of information architecture.
>>>
>>> As to contacting CoGa, they already have been contacted maybe over a
>>> year ago meanwhile. While terminology and technology has moved most
>>> significantly in this area, I think also the other sections have aged
>>> and should probably be looked over by relevant experts. Not sure how
>>> this should be best approached, though. Maybe the chairs have ideas.
>>>
>>> Best,
>>>       Shadi
>>>
>>>
>>> On 22/08/2017 20:58, Sinclair, Norah M wrote:
>>>> Hello Shadi, Sylvie, Brent, Sharron, and Shawn,
>>>>
>>>> The resource, “How People with Disabilities Use the Web,” consists of several in-depth pages, including Stories of Web Users, Diversity of Web Users, Diversity in Web Use and Accessibility Principles. The co-editors are seeking to:
>>>> • Simplify & Tersify — Make content simple and brief. Cut words. Cut Sentences.
>>>> • Bullets & Graphics — Break up passages into bullets when appropriate. Suggest graphics.
>>>> • Front-loaded Action — Use active voice, and action statements.
>>>>
>>>> We have determined this process is needed for Stories of Web Users and we’ve agreed upon a draft format for the first story, which basically reduces the word count in half while conveying the important content from the original story. The other stories are currently being revised using the same type of approach.
>>>>
>>>> To me, the other resources, Diversity of Web Users, Diversity in Web Use and Accessibility Principles may not be in need of the same type of revision (goal of reducing content by 50% or so).  The content of these resources (Diversity of Web Users, Diversity in Web Use and Accessibility Principles) is broken up into bullets, and is written using active, action statements. The main revision could be adding graphics or linking to the web perspective videos. What are the thoughts of the co-editors and EO chair review team on this? Would this be a good question to ask the reviewers for their feedback?
>>>>
>>>> Also, should the Cognitive and Learning Disabilities Accessibility Task Force (Cognitive A11Y TF) be consulted for suggested revisions to section: Examples of cognitive, learning, and neurological disabilities?
>>>>
>>>> https://www.w3.org/WAI/intro/people-use-web/diversity
>>>>
>>>> Thanks very much,
>>>> Norah
>>>>
>>>> Norah Sinclair
>>>> Instructional Technology and User Support Specialist
>>>>
>>>> AMAC Accessibility Solutions and Research Center
>>>> Georgia Institute of Technology | College of Design
>>>> 512 Means Street | Suite 250 | Atlanta, GA 30318
>>>>
>>>> phone 404.894.7432
>>>> www.amacusg.org<http://www.amacusg.org/>
>>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/
>>> Accessibility Strategy and Technology Specialist
>>> Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI)
>>> World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)
>>>
>>
>> --
>> Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/
>> Accessibility Strategy and Technology Specialist
>> Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI)
>> World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)
>>
> 
> --
> Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/
> Accessibility Strategy and Technology Specialist
> Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI)
> World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)
> 

-- 
Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/
Accessibility Strategy and Technology Specialist
Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI)
World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)