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Awesome Confidence - Newsletter

From: Confidenceworld <sean.mcpheat@ntlworld.com>
Date: 8 Jan 2005 16:00:30 -0000
Message-ID: <20050108160030.98344.qmail@tempus.getresponse.com>
To: "Friend" <www-xml-linking-comments@w3.org>

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                     Awesome Confidence Newsletter
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                      http://www.confidenceworld.com

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                         Saturday, January 8, 2005
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Saturday, January 8, 2005,


Hi Friend,

In this edition:

* GOLD article - Have the confidence to say what you mean 

* Learn how to be an excellent Small Talker!

* Get a TOP 5 ranking in Google and Yahoo!


See ya next time!

Sean

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* Have the confidence to say what you mean 

An exercise to help you rewrite your standard script, and 
avoid beating around the bush.

Everyone knows that communication is not a perfect science.  

We often censor ourselves and filter our true thoughts 
resulting in watered down messages, lots of beating around 
the bush, and innuendo.  

And adding to the resultant confusion is the parallel filtering
and censoring that often occurs by the recipient of your
message.  

Their own assumptions, ways of looking at the world, and let's
face it—baggage—also get in the way of our ability to convey a
clear message.

If you've ever been told you should be more clear about what you
mean, or if that old adage "say what you mean, and mean what you
say" has somehow become your personal theme song, then read on,
because following are some tips for how you can learn to say
what you mean, and increase your chances of being clearly 
understood by others.  

Assess your current style
--------------------------

Monitor your current communication practices and style.  

Do you tend to beat around the bush?  

Do you hold back from expressing your true feelings?  

Do you find it hard to ask for what you need from others?  

Identify your unique challenges, and then make a commitment to
being more aware as you interact with others, of how much and
when you're falling into those traps.

Find your true voice
--------------------

Get more in touch with the authentic thoughts and feelings
within.  

Here, I want you to do a little exercise.  

Pick a recent conversation that didn't go particularly well—
maybe you felt you weren't exactly successful at getting your
message across.  

Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half vertically, so that
you now have a left and right column.  

In the right column, I want you to write the conversation down—
exactly what was said—as best you can remember.  C

apture it as if you were writing a script.  For example:

John:  Blah blah blah
Me:  Blah blah blah

Once you've captured the essence of the conversation, reread 
it and place yourself back in that conversation.  

As you read through it, I want you to pause after each
exchange.  For example:

John said:  blah blah blah
I said:  blah blah blah

Pause

Now, ask yourself, what were your unspoken thoughts in that
pause?  

How do they compare with what was actually said?  

Were they different?  

If so, write down in the left column, exactly what your unspoken
thought or response was.  

It's critical that you be honest in doing this exercise—in other
words, don't hesitate to write things like:

I thought "What a jerk!"
Or, I thought "Over my dead body!"
Or, I felt really angry but didn't show it.

Work through the entire conversation, then identify how many
times there was a discrepancy between what you thought and felt,
and what you actually said.

Find your new language, and start saying what you really mean

Find comfortable language that enables you to really express
yourself.  

Now, here's your practice in saying what you mean.  

Go back to your sheet of paper and take 1 to 3 examples of a
thought you had that was unexpressed.  

Turn each into a statement you could have made to get your point
across.  For example:

I thought "What a jerk!"
I could have said, "John, I don't feel that's an appropriate or
fair statement."

Notice that the second statement does not attack or insult John,
but does clearly and honestly communicate your dissatisfaction
with his last comment.

Rewrite your script
----------------------

Now that you have explored a few ways you might use alternate
language to get your point across, rewrite the whole
conversation.  

How might it have looked if indeed, you said what you meant to
say at every turn?  

It's ok to guess at John's responses.  

Go ahead and give it a try.  How might that have felt?

Some additional tips to help you get heard
-------------------------------------------

Saying what you mean is the first step to making sure your
messages get conveyed.  Making sure you get heard, is the next.

To increase your chances you'll be heard, ensure your comments:

o Are specific
Avoid saying things like "you always" or "you never" which can
serve to discredit an otherwise valid point.

o Name your emotion
If you feel angry, say so.  Keeping things focused on facts can
create room for disagreement, or different perspectives.  It's
difficult, on the other hand, to argue with the way someone
feels as a result of your words/actions.

o Are assertive
Instead of saying "It would be nice if…" or "I just wish 
you'd…", just say "I need you to do X from this point forward."

o Aren't attacking
Instead of saying "You're a jerk" which doesn't address the real
problem (although you might feel it does at the time), the real
problem is an action or statement that you disagree with.
 Target the real problem.

o Invite the other individual to engage
Ask questions like, "What do you think?"  Then be sure to listen.

So, that's it.  

You've rewritten your script and learned a few tips.  

Now, get out there and start expressing yourself!


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Have you got a business website?

Would you like to know how to get a TOP 5 ranking in Google
and Yahoo?

Yes?

Then you need to check out: www.searchengineranking-no1.com

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Would you like to know how to make excellent small talk with
people?

Are those deathly silences driving you mad?

Yes?

Check out:
http://www.confidenceworld.com/greatconversation.htm

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Received on Saturday, 8 January 2005 16:18:26 GMT

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