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RE: call for comments: Character Model Part II: Normalization--comments on punctuation/grammar

From: CE Whitehead <cewcathar@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2008 10:58:14 -0400
Message-ID: <BLU109-W201CDDEFCFB4BC4F691C81B3940@phx.gbl>
To: "Phillips, Addison" <addison@amazon.com>, "www-international@w3.org" <www-international@w3.org>
CC: "public-i18n-core@w3.org" <public-i18n-core@w3.org>


Dear Internationalization:

I want to comment on the draft that Addison suggested we comment on;
"Character Model for the World Wide Web" (http://www.w3.org/TR/charmod/)
(hope it's not too late;  I was busy studying for the CCNA so sorry I could not risk that exam--it cost $125--by doing anything else)


1.1, par 1, 2nd sentence


"One basic prerequisite to achieve this goal is to be able to transmit and process the characters . . . "

> "One basic prerequisite to achieving this goal is being able to transmit and process the characters . . . "

COMMENT:

the phrase is
"prerequisite to DO-ING [something]"
you need to use an -ing verb here.

 * * *
 1.2, par 7

"While these developments strengthen the requirement that Unicode be the basis of a  character model . . . "

> "While these developments advance the need to use Unicode as the basis of a character model . . . "

??

or ??

> "While these developments advance the need to have a character model . . . based on Unicode . . . "

COMMENT:
I like the latter sentence.
I think that the phrase, "strengthen the requirement", is awkward, not quite the right word choice; "advance the need" is better and has two less syllables! The overall sentence sounds a little awkward as well, so I rewrote it.

* * *

1.2, par 8

"It should be noted that such aspects also exist in various encodings . . . "

> "It should be noted that such aspects also exist in various other encodings . . ."

COMMENT:
I inserted "other" before "encodings" because you used "also" you should use other;
alternately:

"It should be noted that such aspects exist in various encodings"
(without also)

* * *

1.2, last par, 2nd sentence

"The policies adopted by the IETF for on the use of character sets . . . "

> "The policies adopted by the IETF for the use of character sets . . . "

COMMENT:

you've got an extra preposition there; you only need one!

* * *
1.3

"Terminology and Notation"

?? How does this short section really address terminology?? You address terminology all over the place but not quite here.  {I'll have some more comments on this, with suggestions for a cross-reference, shortly!}

* * *

1.3, 2nd par

"Text has been used for examples to allow them to be cut and pasted by the reader."

>"The examples are all text, so that they can be cut and pasted by the reader."

COMMENT:

Your sentence was awkward, not quite English--so I tried to rewrite it; hope my rewrite helps.


{I'll comment shortly on a few cross-references I'd like to see and also on whether to use "specification" or "recommendation" to refer to this document inside the document--I note that you also use "specification" to talk about documents that will be created by the reader, making your use of the term a bit confusing.}

--C. E. Whitehead
cewcathar@hotmail.com





> From: addison@amazon.com
> Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:53:36 -0700

>
> All,
>
> One of the important things the W3C Internationalization Activity has been working on for many years is the "Character Model for the World Wide Web" (better known as "CharMod"). In 2005, the then Internationalization Core Working Group published Part I of this work [1] as a Recommendation. Two other parts, one on Normalization [2] and one on Resource Identifiers [3] remain at lower levels of maturity.
>
> The Normalization document, in particular, is important. In fact, it is the primary reason for CharMod work in the first place. "CharMod-Norm" deals with Unicode normalization in W3C technologies. Originally, when this work was started well over a decade ago, this working group supported mandating "early uniform normalization". In 2004 the working group decided that such a position was no longer tenable. The current draft for CharMod-Norm represents this change.
>
> The Internationalization Core WG would like to complete this work under our current charter, publishing the document as a Working Group Note. Because Notes have a lower level of scrutiny than Recommendation track documents do, we would like to invite the community (that's YOU) to comment on the working draft and participate in the finalization of this important work.
>
> Please submit comments on the draft and its changes here on the interest group list (www-international@). You may also send comments to www-i18n-comments@w3.org.
>
> [1] http://www.w3.org/TR/charmod/
> [2] http://www.w3.org/TR/charmod-norm/
> [3] http://www.w3.org/TR/charmod-resid/
>
> Best Regards,
>
> Addison
>
> Addison Phillips
> Chair, W3C Internationalization Core WG
>
> Internationalization is not a feature.
> It is an architecture.
>
>
Received on Monday, 7 July 2008 14:58:58 GMT

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