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RE: Bus Case Overview - copy edits

From: Shawn Lawton Henry <shawn@w3.org>
Date: Mon, 12 Apr 2004 20:02:31 -0500
To: <Andrew.Arch@visionaustralia.org.au>, <wai-eo-editors@w3.org>
Message-ID: <001001c420f3$107a2a80$418d7544@SLHenry>

Andrew,

Thank you for your review and comments on the business case. I will post
a revised version with your changes and other's changes soon. 

Replies to your comments are below surrounded by brackets []. Let me
know if you want to discuss any of them.

Regards,

~ Shawn


Intro - Para 2
[hum. i kinda want it to be one sentence so the ideas are joined. do you
think it is too long & complex as one sentence?] # implementing Web
accessibility; however, the initial -> implementing Web accessibility.
However, the initial 
[DONE] # offset by full a return -> offset by a full return 
[DONE] # The justification to commitment resources -> The justification
to commit resources 
[DONE] # to a project is called a "business case". -> to a project is
often called a "business case".

Developing - Para 1
[DONE] # technical quality to industry standards -> technical quality
and industry standards
Developing - Para 2 
[left "custom" since it's the section heading. added "specific" later in
sentence: "A custom business case for a specific organization... "]# A
custom business case -> A specific business case

Example - Bullet 1.2
[DONE] # reducing risk of legal action and resulting high legal expenses
and negative image -> reducing the risk of legal action resulting in
high legal expenses and negative image

Outline - Para 1
[I think it is good to clarify that they are separate Web pages, rather
than sections of a single page] # in four pages -> in four sections


> -----Original Message-----
> From: Andrew.Arch@visionaustralia.org.au 
> [mailto:Andrew.Arch@visionaustralia.org.au] 
> Sent: Friday, April 02, 2004 7:50 AM
> To: wai-eo-editors@w3.org; Shawn Lawton Henry
> Subject: Bus Case Overview - copy edits
> 
> 
> I think these are all copy edits for your consideration - 
> feel free to report anything to the list if you think otherwise
> 
> Intro - Para 2
> # implementing Web accessibility; however, the initial -> 
> implementing Web accessibility. However, the initial # offset 
> by full a return -> offset by a full return # The 
> justification to commitment resources -> The justification to 
> commit resources # to a project is called a "business case". 
> -> to a project is often called a "business case".
> 
> Developing - Para 1
> # technical quality to industry standards -> technical 
> quality and industry standards Developing - Para 2 # A custom 
> business case -> A specific business case
> 
> Example - Bullet 1.2
> # reducing risk of legal action and resulting high legal 
> expenses and negative image -> reducing the risk of legal 
> action resulting in high legal expenses and negative image
> 
> Outline - Para 1
> # in four pages -> in four sections
> 
> Great writing - I think it's finished!
> 
> Cheers,  Andrew
> _________________________________
> Dr Andrew Arch
> Manager Online Accessibility Consulting
> National Information & Library Service, Australia
> Ph 613 9864 9222; Fax 613 9864 9210; Mobile 0438 755 565 
> http://www.nils.org.au/ | > http://www.it-test.com.au/ | 
> http://www.ozewai.org/
> 
> Member, 
> Education & Outreach Working 
> Group,
> W3C Web Accessibility Initiative
> http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/
> 
> NILS - A Joint Venture between the
> Royal Victorian Institute for the Blind, The Royal Blind 
> Society of NSW, and Vision Australia Foundation.
> 
> 
> 
Received on Monday, 12 April 2004 21:36:31 GMT

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