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Fwd: Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-httpbis-p5-range-24

From: Julian Reschke <julian.reschke@greenbytes.de>
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 17:29:51 +0100
Message-ID: <528A407F.20400@greenbytes.de>
To: HTTP Working Group <ietf-http-wg@w3.org>
(FYI)


-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Gen-Art review of draft-ietf-httpbis-p5-range-24
Resent-To: barryleiba@gmail.com, fielding@gbiv.com, 
julian.reschke@greenbytes.de, mnot@pobox.com,, ylafon@w3.org
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 11:06:24 -0500
From: Moriarty, Kathleen <kathleen.moriarty@emc.com>
To: gen-art@ietf.org <gen-art@ietf.org>, iesg@ietf.org <iesg@ietf.org>, 
        draft-ietf-httpbis-p5-range.all@tools.ietf.org 
<draft-ietf-httpbis-p5-range.all@tools.ietf.org>
CC: fielding@gbiv.com <fielding@gbiv.com>, ylafon@w3.org <ylafon@w3.org>

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-httpbis-p5-range-24
Reviewer: Kathleen Moriarty
Review Date: November 18, 2013
IETF LC End Date: End of November
IESG Telechat date: (if known)

Summary: The draft is ready with nits to resolve.  The run-on sentences 
need to be corrected to make the draft easier to read.  I called out a 
few examples, however, there are many more in the draft.  I reviewed 
this a couple of weeks ago, before -25 was released and am working my 
way through all of the documents.

Major issues:

Minor issues:

Nits/editorial comments:

Please go through the draft in detail and break up run-on sentences into 
multiple sentences where possible.

Section 3.2: At end of second to last paragraph, remove parenthesis 
around full sentence.

Section 4.2: Please break first sentence into multiple.
Section 4.3 - 4th paragraph really needs to be broken into multiple 
sentences.
Received on Monday, 18 November 2013 16:30:19 UTC

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