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Spleen

Panda Mating Fails; Vet Takes Over

Man Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Despite months of effort, City Zoo's favorite Panda, Sun-Sun, has failed to mate with our neighbouring city's Ling Ling. "We've tried it the easy way," said City Veterinary Chief Steven 'Steve' Wahoonie, "now it's time to get serious. If we want to preserve these rare creatures then we need more baby pandas. Time to get the big syringe and a D-list celebrity to do the honours."

As news of the conviction and sentencing of infamous violin thief Pasquale Ginkgo-Biloba reached city hall, Mayor Auberon 'Slim' Shadi stated that he was furious at the unimaginative sentencing doled out by the Judge in the case, and is demanding a review of sentencing policy. This is not the first time that Judges have come under fire for lenient sentencing in musical-instrument related cases. Last year's Trombone Forgery debacle also resulted in a formal rebuke from the Mayor.

Tough Wahoonie

"The Panda is one of the most endangered creatures in the world, with habitat fragmentation and poaching taking their toll on a dwindling poulation", growled Wahoonie. "The World Wildlife Fund estimate that as few as 1,600 are left in the wild today. A major difficulty of conserving pandas is that captive breeding programmes have mixed success. That and we don't have big enough jars just to pickle them."
Giant Panda Sun Sun has been one of the biggest attractions at city zoo since he arrived accidentally due to a postal mix-up in 1993.


	Your Shout
	"Well I think the Mayor's getting all heated up about nothing. You have to remember that 9 months is pretty much a lifetime to someone like me. But hey, I'm just a baby, and can't even vote, so you can ignore my opinion. An I can tell you that I'm standing for mayor on a ticket of infant suffrage. Discrimination, that's what I call it. Frankly, the whole system sucks. Tanguy O'Range, 10 months, via email

Lack of Brains Hinders Research


	Brain donations at city hospital (by month)

Return To Sender

"He was originally supposed to be delivered to Berlin," said Wahoonie, "we were expecting squirrels, but signed the docket, changed his name and no one was the wiser. I guess we should eventually tell Berlin Zoo where he got to. But not until we get some Panda cubs first. This is strictly off the record, right?"


	Berlin Zookeeper (no Sun-Sun)

There has been a significant drop in organ donations as a result of the successful 'Slow Traffic, Safe Streets' policy, say city doctors.
"Organ donations are essential, not only for transplant operations, but also for medical research" said Dr. Liam Colluspid of Central Hospital, at a press conference yesterday. "I must ask that the Mayor either reduces road safety measures again, or else that every concerned citizen should consider right now whether there are any organs they just aren't making much use of at the moment, that they might like to drop in".

Last Weeks's Big Question: results

What is your favourite and least favourite organ?