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Minor comments for Last Call drafts of 20011018

From: Susan Lesch <lesch@w3.org>
Date: Fri, 2 Nov 2001 01:35:13 -0800
Message-Id: <p05100307b80811dc41ed@[192.168.123.102]>
To: reagle@w3.org, dee3@torque.pothole.com, imamu@jp.ibm.com, maruyama@jp.ibm.com
Cc: xml-encryption@w3.org
These are minor editorial comments for your Last Call Working Drafts to
use or not as you see fit. They are impossibly small details compared
to the scope of your fine work. I hope they will help your readers.

Links to external resources except references should have title
attributes saying they are leaving the current document. For work in
progress on this see http://www.w3.org/2001/06/manual/#linking-within

References should have plain text URIs for printing. The title
of the work, not the URI, should be the anchor. Example:
   Hal Finney. Re: Combining signing and encrypting, XML Encryption
   mailing list, 2000. This email message is on-line at
   http://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/xml-encryption/2000Nov/0064.

In Status of this Document in all three drafts:
last call -> Last Call
W3C membership -> W3C Membership
W3C working drafts -> W3C Working Drafts

Below are comments for each draft. A section number is followed by a
quote and then a suggestion.



XML Encryption Requirements
===========================
http://www.w3.org/TR/2001/WD-xml-encryption-req-20011018

In the CSS, class="comment" needs padding. .7em or so would work.

Abstract
for the XML Encryption.
for XML Encryption specification. or omit "the"

2.1.1 and 2.3.2 need ending full stops.

2.5 and 3.3.3
minimal (extensible) set
minimal, extensible set

3.1.2.1
TimBL
Berners-Lee

3.2.1
[MIME] needs a link to #ref-MIME

3.2.2
Base64
base64

3.2.4
a set of encrypted objects are
a set of encrypted objects is

3.3.1.1
[XML-namespaces]
[XML-ns]

3.3.6.1.1.1
those Signature
those Signatures

In 3.4.2.1.1, "none" is unexplained. Can you say "no algorithm"? (By
4.2.1.10 a pattern is established.)

3.6.
What is XW3C?

W3C XML Protocols
W3C XML Protocol

4 looks sketchy. Dates (DD Month YYY) and punctuation should match,
the title of each reference should be an anchor, the URI shouldn't be
an anchor, San Francisco is two words and needs a state and country,
and some references need to be updated (XML and Infoset). If you need
more detailed feedback on these references please feel free to ask.



Decryption Transform for XML Signature
======================================
http://www.w3.org/TR/2001/WD-xmlenc-decrypt-20011018

Section number 3 is missing so the numbering is off by one starting
with 4.

Local links are pointing to a draft. In your next revision it would be
better to limit local links to the document you are presenting so as
not to send the reader to another page.

You could make RFC 2119 a normative reference and quote this part:
       The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "MAY", and "OPTIONAL" in
       this document are to be interpreted as described in RFC 2119.
If you don't wish to use this RFC, then explain why not.

Status
Activity Statement
Activity statement

in conformance with W3C.
in conformance with W3C policy. (or in conformance with whatever)

TOC 5.2
Signed What you See
"Sign What You See"

1.1
Two validate
To validate

See Sign What You See (section 6)
needs a link

mechanism; decrypting
mechanism, decrypting

2.1
What does "inpassumeut" mean? Please reword or translate to US English.

2.1
the XML Encryption [XML-Encryption]
the XML Encryption specification [XML-Encryption] or omit "the"

4.
we just show a way to create the element as advisory.
we just show a way to create the element as an advisory.
(not sure there)

5.
the signer include
the signer includes

C14N
Please spell out first occurrence: canonicalization or Canonical XML or?

6.1
vulnerabaility
vulnerability



XML Encryption Syntax and Processing
====================================
http://www.w3.org/TR/2001/WD-xmlenc-core-20011018/

You seem to have some categories of reserved words that need
distinctive treatment. Document, element, and element content are
capitalized here but not in XML 1.0. Same for canonical XML with
comments. Could these be lowercase but a color or <em> or in single
quotes (just some possibilities)? I would save caps for things that
need them, like W3C publications and organizations (to match the W3C
Process document).

Status
apprach
approach

discussion on the list.
(you might say what list)

1.1
XML Schemas
XML Schema or XML schemas

1.4
working group
Working Group

2.1
John Smith's is
John Smith is

In 2.1.5, you could omit either one of the "However,"s.

3.2.1
the data resulting from dereferencing URI
the data resulting from dereferencing the URI

3.2.1
"Transforms is in the xenc namespace because the sequence of transforms"
seems to be an incomplete sentence.

In 3.4.1, one EncryptedData could be marked up <code>.

Second to last par. in 3.4.1 needs a full stop.

In 3.6, the text in parentheses is a sentence and could be
"(This...type.)"

4.1.4.1
Step 3
step 3

4.1.5.2
Type
<code>Type</code>

4.2.3.3
Steps
steps

4.2.4
of Type Element or Element Content
of <code>Type</code> element or element content
(not sure there)

4.3
which will encoded
which will be encoded

5.1
One EncryptionMethod and one KeySize could be marked up <code>.

5.2.2
Initialization Vector
initialization vector

5.3
spercified
specified

In 5.5.1 and 5.5.2, the capitalization of prime, generator, and public
should match.

5.5.2
One AgreementMethod can be marked up <code>.

b <ins>a</ins>se64
base64

will produces
will produce

5.6.1
Key Checksum
key checksum

defined in CMS [CMS-Algorithms]
defined in CMS [CMS-Wrap]

5.6.2
CMS Key Checksum (twice)
CMS key checksum
(at least draft-ietf-smime-key-wrap-01.txt has that lowercase)

5.7
HMAC Message Authentication Code
HMAC message authentication code
(at least http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc2104.txt has that lowercase)

5.9
Canonical XML With Comments
canonical XML with comments

6.1
[<a href="#ref-EncReq"><code>EncReq</code></a>]
[<a href="#ref-EncReq">EncReq</a>]

misapprension
misapprehension (?)

8.
NIST FIPS 46-3:Data Encryption Standard
NIST FIPS 46-3: Data Encryption Standard

For DOM, EncReq, Infoset, XML, XML-C14N, XML-DSIG, XML-DSIG-Decrypt,
XML-NS, and XML-schema, state "W3C" or "World Wide Web Consortium" as
publisher (for example, "W3C Recommendation").

Infoset is a Recommendation now, and Richard Tobin is an editor.

In KEYWORDS, omit one "S. Bradner. March 1997." and in MD5 omit one "R.
Rivest. April 1992."

XML is in its Second Edition now, and Eve Maler is an editor.



Best wishes for your projects,
-- 
Susan Lesch - mailto:lesch@w3.org  tel:+1.858.483.4819
World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) - http://www.w3.org
Received on Tuesday, 13 November 2001 17:35:28 GMT

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