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Re: New WebArch editor's draft

From: <noah_mendelsohn@us.ibm.com>
Date: Fri, 3 Dec 2004 16:54:58 -0500
To: Norman Walsh <Norman.Walsh@Sun.COM>
Cc: www-tag@w3.org
Message-ID: <OF045D078A.E94D9CBD-ON85256F5F.0075D11B@lotus.com>

Overall, this looks great.  A few very minor suggestions, all relating to 
section 4.3:


*  My recollection of punctuation rules seems to be fading as high school 
recedes into the ancient past, but I'm curious about the sentence:

"In addition a small amount of client side computation is saved."

Shouldn't there be a comma after "In addition", resulting in:

"In addition, a small amount of client side computation is saved."?

* Having risked embarrassment regarding my knowledge of punctuation, I'll 
venture a comment relating to grammar.   Also in section 4.3:

"On the other hand, recombination on the client makes the delivered 
content applicable to a wider range of devices. This improves caching 
efficiency and gives users more presentation options. It can be tailored 
to particular groups of devices by using media specific style sheets."

I think that the antecedents of the words "This" in the second sentence 
and "It" in the third sentence are ambiguous.  At best I think the 
sentences parse somewhat clumsily.  How about:

"On the other hand, recombination on the client makes the delivered 
content applicable to a wider range of devices. Client-side recombination 
improves caching efficiency and gives users more presentation options.  In 
particular, style sheets can be applied at the client to tailor 
presentations for a variety of device types."

* Again in Section 4.3:

"For textual content with a regular and repeating structure, the combined 
size of the text content plus the style sheet is typically less than that 
of a fully recombined content;"

Delete word "a"?

"For textual content with a regular and repeating structure, the combined 
size of the text content plus the style sheet is typically less than that 
of _ fully recombined content;"

Thanks again for all the hard work as our editor!

--------------------------------------
Noah Mendelsohn 
IBM Corporation
One Rogers Street
Cambridge, MA 02142
1-617-693-4036
--------------------------------------
Received on Friday, 3 December 2004 21:56:19 GMT

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