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Comments for P3P 1.0 Proposed Recommendation

From: Susan Lesch <lesch@w3.org>
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 23:13:47 -0800
Message-Id: <p05100301b8a0e171013b@[10.1.0.13]>
To: www-p3p-public-comments@w3.org
Congratulations on your P3P 1.0 Proposed Recommendations. These are
just a few minor comments. By the way, thank you for your
careful use of RFC 2606 (example.com, example.net, example.org). In
the future I can point to P3P as an example. :-)

In 5.2 and in the base data schema, is "Minutes" plural intentionally?
All of the other durations are singular and this probably should match
them.

The references sections would benefit from URIs for people reading from
a printout. There is an example here and I think all of the references
could be formatted this way.
http://www.w3.org/2001/06/manual/#References

Also in references, the authors for STATE can be named the same as
others (given initial first). RFC titles should be the document title,
not with "RFC nnnn ---" inside the quotes. DOM2 Events is a
Recommendation now.

Below, these notes use the "substitute this for that" s/that/this/
convention.

Globally, s/web/Web/

In Status, s/as part of the P3P Activity/as part of the Privacy
Activity/ and the link should be to http://www.w3.org/Privacy/Activity
(W3C has no P3P Activity).

s/W3C membership/W3C Membership/

Globally, s/XML with Namespaces/Namespaces in XML/ or XML with namespaces

s/to to/to/

This sentence is pretty long.
   P3P policies must cover all relevant data elements and practices
   (but note that legal issues regarding law enforcement demands for
   information are not addressed by this specification; it is possible
   that a site that otherwise abides by its policy of not
   redistributing data to others may be required to do so by force of
   law).
You could move the parenthesized part to a separate paragraph:
   Legal issues regarding law enforcement demands for information are
   not addressed by this specification. It is possible that a site
   that otherwise abides by its policy of not redistributing data to
   others may be required to do so by force of law.

In 2.2, please spell out "resp." (In the OED, it's an abbreviation for
respectable; in Webster's and American Heritage it's respective or
respectively, and likely confusing.)

In 2.2.4, s/Correspondingly to what seen for the HTML link
tag/Corresponding to the HTML link tag/

s/content that, using..., indicate/content that, using ..., indicates/

In 2.3.2.1.2, s/such are those/such as those/

In 2.3.2.5, s/host that reference it/host that references it/

In 3.2, s/practises/practices/

In 3.2.3, s/is use for/is used for/

In 3.2.6, s/Webpage/Web page/

In 3.3.4, this would make a complete sentence:
     For example, an online store might suggest other items a visitor
     may wish to purchase based on the items he has already placed in
     his shopping basket.

In 4, please spell out "P3Pv1".

5.3 needs an ending period.

In 5.3.1, s/MAY include category definitions with them/MAY include
category definitions/

In 5.3.1, s/categories for that structure MAY be defined when it is
used/categories for that structure MAY be defined when they are used/
(I think)

In 5.3.2, s/Hyperspeed/HyperSpeed/

In 5.3.3, by "This does not include" do you mean "IDs do not include..."?

In 5.5.7, s/which are defined in more detail in [URI]/which are 
defined in [URI]/

In 5.7.1, s/User Agent/User agent/ (twice)

In Appendix 7, the link to the guiding principles Note needs a
reference for people reading from a printout. Same for the sources
under "Information Privacy."

In Appendix 7, s/working groups/Working Groups/

[1] http://www.w3.org/TR/2002/PR-P3P-20020128/

Best wishes for your project,
-- 
Susan Lesch           http://www.w3.org/People/Lesch/
mailto:lesch@w3.org               tel:+1.858.483.4819
World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)    http://www.w3.org/
Received on Tuesday, 26 February 2002 02:12:28 GMT

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