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minor comments for WD-P3P-20001018

From: Susan Lesch <lesch@w3.org>
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2000 23:59:28 -0700
Message-Id: <p05001902b6159225d088@[204.210.33.45]>
To: www-p3p-public-comments@w3.org
Cc: w3t-comm@w3.org
Here are a few comments for your P3P 1.0 Last Call Working Draft [1].
Please feel free to ignore them or use them, as you see fit.

Globally:
HTTP 1.0 -> HTTP/1.0
HTTP 1.1 -> HTTP/1.1
web -> Web
user-agents -> user agents
User Agents -> user agents
e-mail -> email
safezone -> safe zone
"data schema" is two words in [2] and one word elsewhere.
In 3 places, P3P 1.0 has a space between P3P and 1.0; the other
occurrences have no space. Maybe all occurrences can match.

Since the Working Group(s) is listed in Appendix 8, you could reword
references to it, and remove them in the spec proper. For people
outside W3C who aren't familiar with W3C Process, the WG probably has
no meaning. For example:
     The members of this Working Group expect that in the
     future, there will be demand for the creation of other
     data sets and elements.
becomes:
     There will [may] be demand for the creation of other data sets
     and elements in the future.

Why is the well-known location /w3c? I'd think of /P3P (or /privacy).

 From here on, a clause number is followed by a quote and then a
suggestion. Comments are in brackets [].

Status of This Document
the P3P Activity -> the W3C Privacy Activity
[As far as I know the W3C Activity's name is "Privacy." Also
that could link to http://www.w3.org/Privacy/Activity .]

1.3 User Agent
a user and her agent -> a user and his or her agent

2.3.2.6 par. 2
"...However, to limit the scope of when an absolute URI
     should be considered "embedded", we make use of the HTTP
     Referer header:
["We" is apparently hard to translate; see
http://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/www-international/2000AprJun/0058.html.
This sentence could read:]
     The HTTP Referer header is used to limit the scope of
     when an absolute URI should be considered "embedded":

2.4.1
website -> Web site

3.3.1 par. 3
zip code -> postal code

3.3.4 last two pars.
[The Working Group-internal discussion may be unneeded.]

3.3.5 <other-recipient>
practices (e.g. The -> practices. (E.g. the

3.3.5 second to last par.
Aspecial -> A special

4.1 par. 5
dot (".") character
[could formally be called the full stop (".") character
see http://www.unicode.org/charts/PDF/U0000.pdf]

4.1 par. 7
manifacture -> manufacture

4.3.6.3 par. 2
convient -> convenient

4.4.2
alongside with the -> alongside the

4.4.3 table
Organizantion -> Organization

4.6 par. 3
none-the-less -> nonetheless

Appendix 4
XML Schema -> XML schema (three times)

Appendix 8
Doubleckick -> DoubleClick (twice)

[1] http://www.w3.org/TR/2000/WD-P3P-20001018/
[2] http://www.w3.org/TR/2000/WD-P3P-20001018/#Data_Schemas

Best wishes for your project,
-- 
Susan Lesch        (lesch@w3.org) tel:+1.858.483.4819
Technical Editor      http://www.w3.org/People/Lesch/
World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)    http://www.w3.org/
Received on Friday, 20 October 2000 03:00:14 GMT

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