minor comments for WD-Micropayment-Markup-19990825]

-- 
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Thierry MICHEL                        	tmichel@w3.org
W3C / INRIA 				+33 (0) 4 92 38 79 87
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attached mail follows:

Here are minor editorial comments on the "Common Markup for 
micropayment per-fee-links" last call Working Draft [1] "work in 
progress." Please feel free to use (or not use them) however you see 
fit.

Comments:

Could the names of the parameters baseurl and requesturl be baseuri 
and requesturi? From what little I know, the term "URI" has been 
preferred to "URL" since RFC 2396 in August, 1998.

I think the spec would be clearer if paragraphs were P-delimited 
(rather than BR-delimited).

Perhaps this was by design, but there are lots of  's where no 
non-breaking space seems to be needed. This can break browsers' Find 
command. Could the  's be removed?

The specification uses foo.org, merchant.org, miamachina.org (open at 
the time of this writing), and airline.com which are registered 
domains. IANA registered example.com, example.net, and example.org 
for exactly this kind of use. (See section 3 of RFC 2606 also known 
as BCP 32 at http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc2606.txt.)

"HTML 4.0" appears a number of times and may need to be updated to 
"HTML 4" or "HTML 4.01".

"JAVA" and "Javascript" also appear a number of times; to my eye, 
"Java" (one capital letter) and "JavaScript" (compound word with 
capital letters) would be correct. "per-fee-links," "customer," 
"merchant," and "browser" could all be lowercase throughout. Also, 
you might consider the more general term "user agent" for each 
instance of "browser"; a UA could be a browser or some new purchasing 
agent, for example.


 From here on, a section and paragraph or list item number is followed 
by a quote and then a suggestion. Comments are in brackets [].

Title
Common Markup for micropayment per-fee-links
Common Markup for Micropayment Per-fee-links
[That's a guess at US English capitalization rules in a title.]

Abstract
a interoperable manner
an interoperable manner

Table of Contents
[Section 4 has this style rule: .level2 { list-style-type: 
lower-roman } but in the running text, the list-style-type is 
decimal. I would make them both decimal to match other W3C specs.]

1.1 par. 2
"...Most micropayment systems also try to provide a simple
     user interface, especially making buying as easy as
     possible."
[could read:]
     Most micropayment systems also try to provide a simple
     user interface, to make buying as easy as possible.

"...Namely, micropayment content shall be reached by clicking
     on special, new sort of links, which we call
     per-fee-links."
[four minor changes here:]
     Micropayment content shall be reached by clicking
     on a special, new sort of link, which we call a
     per-fee-link.

1.1 par. 3
and in particular for encoding per-fee-links.
and in particular to encode per-fee-links.

2.1 par. 1
The basic architecture consist of:
The basic architecture consists of:

2.2
to the consumers browser
to the consumer's browser

3.2 list item 1
allowing "click and pay" interface,
allowing a "click and pay" interface,

4.1.1 par. 1
(if not already paid for)
(if the charge is not already paid)

followed by a currency unit
followed by a currency code

4.1.1 list item 1
(amount Customer will get)
(amount customer will receive)

4.1.1 list item 3
"...These currency codes are the three-letter ISO 4217 codes
     or unregistered four to ten letters currency names.
     (Refer to currencies naming in Appendix 7)"
[could read (I added a reference link here too):]
     Currency codes are the three-letter ISO 4217 [ISO4217]
     codes, or unregistered four to ten letter currency names.
     (Refer to currency naming in Appendix 7.)

4.1.1 last par.
unless ExtData  parameter
unless the ExtData parameter

4.1.3 par. 1
This requested url is
This requested URL is

specified. (allowing
specified (allowing

4.1.4 par. 1
specified. (allowing
specified (allowing

by requesturl parameter
by the requesturl parameter

set of requesturl's
set of requesturls

requesturl are identifiers
requesturls are identifiers

payments systems
payment systems

4.1.5 par. 2 list item 1
, xxx is
, and xxx is

4.1.5 par. 2 list item 2
Then the rest of parameters of system 1
The rest of the parameters of system 1

giving a location to learn & register for that payment system
giving a location where the customer can learn about and register for 
that payment system

4.1.5 par. 3 Note
the same parameter name will be used e.g.
the same parameter name be used, e.g.

4.1.8 par. 1
to be replaced by the wallet by a proper payment system short code name
to be replaced by the wallet with a proper payment system short code name

(see Appendix 6).
(See Appendix 6.)

4.1.9
"...The merchantname parameter, which takes a character
     string, allows giving a merchant name designation."
[could read:]
     The merchantname parameter, which takes a character
     string, allows for a merchant name designation.

4.1.12 last par.
same frame as current per-fee-link
same frame as the current per-fee-link

4.1.17 par. 2
"...such as currency conversion table, price-code table
     (mapping from price code to price), general information
     and policy of the seller, etc."
could read:
     such as a currency conversion table, a price-code table
     (mapping from price code to price), general information
     about and policies of the seller, etc.

4.1.18
is optional, it MAY
is optional; it MAY

4.2 par. 2
probably done by browser.)
probably done by the browser).

4.2 par. 4 Note
allowing to construct
allowing construction of

4.2 table heading
(Client Requested url)
(Client Requested URL)

5. par. 1
a common Markup.
a common markup.

5. par. 5
Is the  right Plugin installed in the browser ?
Is the right plug-in installed in the browser?

5. par. 6
link.Solutions
link. Solutions

A1.2 par. 3
list of URIs designated resources
list of URIs designating resources

A1.3 par. 1
use EMBED element.
use the EMBED element.

A1.3 par. 4
within EMBED element
within the EMBED element

A1.4 par. 1
Java Applet
Java applet

A2.1 Benefits with RDF encoding:
A2.1 Benefits of RDF encoding:

A2.2
"...Included in the content of a Web in the section of the
     HTML document (inside the HEAD element)."
could read:
     Inside the HEAD element of HTML documents

A2.4.1 Basic Serialization Syntax par. 1
see Section 2.2.3., Schemas and Namespaces.
see [RDF] Section 2.2.3., Schemas and Namespaces.

A3 par. 1
for information purpose only
for information purposes only

As today most browsers are non-aware RDF browsers
As today most user agents are non-RDF-aware browsers

A3.1 par. 2
dynamic (process on flight
dynamic (process on-the-fly

A3.2
"...This solution generation a final HTML page on the server
     from an HTML source and RDF documents will:"
could read:
     This solution -- generating a final HTML page on the
     server from HTML source and RDF documents -- will:

A3.2 list item 4
without any changes on the HTML source
without any changes to the HTML source

A4.3
Opera Only
Opera only

A4.4 list item 2
.(a SCRIPT element for example)
  (a SCRIPT element for example).

A4.4 list item 3
User agents ignores
User agents ignore

A5 par. 2
an other
another

A5.2 par. 2
Document Object Model
[Perhaps add a reference link there.]
Document Object Model [DOM]

with Internet Explorer browser.
with Internet Explorer browsers.

A6 par. 3
wich
which

allowing to prevent
to prevent

A7 par. 2
ISO 4217
[Perhaps add a reference link.]
ISO 4217 [ISO4217]

A7 list item 1
a four to ten letters currency  name
a four to ten letter currency name

"...In addition, one can also mention a meta-escape sequence;
     a new reserved prefix "z-"  indicating any string
     starting with "z-" has "z-" removed from it before use.
     (e.g.  z-x-u turns into x-u as a registered code, not
     into an x- extension string)."
could read:
     In addition, one can employ [assert?] a meta-escape sequence:
     a new reserved prefix "z-" indicates that any string
     starting with "z-" has "z-" removed from it before use.
     (E.g., z-x-u turns into x-u as a registered code, not
     into an x- extension string.)

A7 par. 3
Air lines miles
airline miles

References:
[I would add [ISO4217] to link to 4.1.1 list item 3 and to A7 par. 2.]
"Codes for the representation of currencies and funds", ISO 
4217:1995. For more information, consult 
http://www.iso.ch/cate/d23132.html.

[Maybe add [DOM] (Level 1 or 2?) to link to A5.2 par. 2.]
"Document Object Model (DOM) Level 1 Specification," Lauren Wood et 
al. eds., 1 October, 1998. This W3C Recommendation is available at: 
http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-DOM-Level-1

[for XHTML which is now a Recommendation:]
This W3C Recommendation is available at: http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1


[1] http://www.w3.org/TR/1999/WD-Micropayment-Markup-19990825

Best wishes and good luck for your project,
-- 
Susan Lesch
susan@textet.com