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Re: Better Web Browsing -- mostly copy edits

From: Shadi Abou-Zahra <shadi@w3.org>
Date: Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:22:01 +0100
Message-ID: <4B4312C9.2000109@w3.org>
To: Jennifer Sutton <jsuttondc@gmail.com>
CC: wai-eo-editors@w3.org
Hi Jennifer,

Thank you for your comments, they were very helpful. In case you are 
interested, please find below a log of how each comment was addressed.


Jennifer Sutton wrote:
> EOWG Editors, especially Andrew and Shadi:
> 
> Below are some comments on Better Web Browsing. I didn't get through the 
> whole document, but let me know here, or on the call, whether I should 
> continue over the weekend.
> 
> I don't want to waste our time if these kinds of items are premature.
> 
> Also, let me know if there's a more efficient way for me to submit these.
> 
> Jennifer
> 
> [Draft] Better Web Browsing
> Approaches to Making Web Browsing More Effective and Enjoyable
> Last updated: $Date: 2009/12/11 11:56:02 $
> 
> http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/adaptive/strategies.html
> 
> 
> 1.  I think there should be a colon in the title, like this:
> Better Web Browsing:
> Approaches to Making Web Browsing More Effective and Enjoyable
> 
> The problem is that adding the colon may make this seem more academic 
> than intended.

As per the EOWG discussion on 11 December 2009, there is now a colon in 
the title (and the title has changed to "Better Web Browsing: Tips for 
Customizing Your Computer"):
  - <http://www.w3.org/2009/12/11-eo-minutes#action02>


> 2.  In this:
> Websites often have text that is difficult to read, controls that are 
> difficult to
> 
> 
> Often?  Or would it be better to say:
> "sometimes?"

Often is more precise given the amount of inaccessible websites.


> 3.  or multimedia that is difficult to hear.
> 
> Is it multimedia? Or is audio content what is meant?
> 
> I thought that multimedia was "multi" insofar as it could be audio, 
> visual, a combo thereof, or even some other kind of media yet to appear.

As per the EOWG discussion on 11 December 2009, the term "multimedia" 
has been replaced by "audio and videos" throughout the document.


> 4.  or making additional customization
> to your computer
> 
> Perhaps "or otherwise customizing . . ."

Accepted edit.


> 5. sometimes websites are not designed to be accessible and do not 
> support customization.
> 
> 5.1.  Capitalize the s in Sometimes
> 
> and
> 
> 5.2.  Should be "Sometimes,"

Fixed grammar.


> 6.  W3C does not verify the accuracy of
> these reference.
> 
> 6.1.  Should be "references."

Fixed grammar.


> 6.2.  I am not sure of the preferred style.  Should the sentences in 
> this section start with "The W3C," instead?

AFAIK, we usually use just "W3C" for such sentence constructions to 
denote W3C as a proper noun.


> 7.  Look for menu items called '
> options', 'preferences', 'settings', 'accessibility
> ', or similar and try out the one or the other setting to see if it 
> improves your
> web experience.
> 
> Suggest:
> 
> Look for menu items such as "options," "preferences," "settings," and 
> "accessibility." Experiment with changing some of the settings you find 
> to see if the changes improve your
> web experience.

Accepted edits and fixed punctuation (fixed the use of quotations marks 
throughout the document).


> 8.  Exploring and getting to know your computer system is the first step 
> to an
> 
> Suggest:
> Exploring and getting to know your computer system are the first steps 
> to an

Fixed grammar.


> 9.  Add comma, like this in brackets:
> technology vendors[,] provide computer

Fixed punctuation.


> 10.  Also make sure that the room lighting
> and your position in front of the screen is optimal for you.
> 
> Change to:
> 
> Also[,] make sure that the room lighting
> and your position in front of the screen are optimal for you.

Fixed punctuation and grammar.


> 11. <h3> Enlarging Text and Images</h3>
> Browser:
> 
> I am not sure what is meant by the word "browser," above.
> 
> I looked at the source code, and I still wasn't sure:
> <p><strong class="head">Browser:</strong> Most web browsers will allow 
> you to simply enlarge and reduce text and image sizes
> 
> Could the h3 be changed to:
> Enlarging Text and Images with Your Browser
> 
> without causing an issue with the visual look and feel?
> 
> I see System: and Tools: below, so I see what the goal is.  I guess 
> using an h4 for Browser, System and Tools: might be confusing.

Actually these are all subsections. They now each have an <h4>.


> 12.  If it's convention to surround menu options with '', then ignore my 
> point above and throughout the remainder of the document.
> 
> Maybe it's an Americanism, but I typically see ""
> 
> Clearly, the W3C's Style Guide should be followed for consistency.

Fixed punctuation throughout the document.


> 13.  Sentence is long.  See suggestion below:
> 
> You can also change the default display settings of your computer 
> operating system,
> rather than only that of your web browser. You can increase the default 
> font-size
> which will make the text (but not the images) appear larger in all your 
> applications,
> or you can decrease the resolution of your display which will make all 
> content appear
> larger but will therefore take up more space on your computer screen.
> 
> 
> I suggest:
> You can also change the default display settings of your computer 
> operating system,
> rather than only that of your web browser. You can increase the default 
> font-size
> which will make the text, but not the images, appear larger in all your 
> applications. Alternatively, you can decrease the resolution of your 
> display which will make all content appear
> larger but will therefore take up more space on your computer screen.

Accepted suggestion but addressed differently.


> 14.  I am not sure what the trademark requirements are.  When mentioning 
> Windows, is it a good idea to say:
> "Microsoft Windows," at least for the first occurrence?
> 
> And same with Apple?
> 
> Maybe it's not essential. Example:
> 
> Related Resources:
> Windows - [

Accepted edit throughout the document.


> 15.  Tools: There are
> 
> In the case of Browser and System, each appears on its own line, but not 
> "Tools:"

Resolved by using <h4>s (see point #11 above).


> 16.  Add s, as in brackets:
> 
> There are also browser-based tool[s] that allow you to change the color, 
> text size and

Sentence dropped.


> 17.  other approaches and strategies for improving the understandability 
> of websites
> is included in the section
> 17.1.  Capitalize the o in "Other?"
> 
> 
> The key is to be consistent in how you write the notes, and I'm not sure 
> what the preferred style is.
> 
> 17.2.  Should be "are included."

Fixed grammar.


> 18. on them to switch them on, adjust the volume, or do other 
> adjustments. Make sure
> 
> Should be "or make other adjustments."

Fixed grammar.


Many thanks,
   Shadi

-- 
Shadi Abou-Zahra - http://www.w3.org/People/shadi/ |
   WAI International Program Office Activity Lead   |
  W3C Evaluation & Repair Tools Working Group Chair |
Received on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 10:22:34 GMT

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