W3C home > Mailing lists > Public > wai-eo-editors@w3.org > April 2004

RE: Edits for Business Case Overview page

From: Shawn Lawton Henry <shawn@w3.org>
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 17:08:21 -0500
To: "'Charmane K. Corcoran'" <corcora1@msu.edu>
Cc: "wai eo editors" <wai-eo-editors@w3.org>
Message-ID: <000001c4226d$00103ba0$418d7544@SLHenry>

Charmane,

Thank you for your review and comments on the business case. I will post
a revised version with your changes and other's changes soon. 

Replies to your comments are below surrounded by brackets []. Let me
know if you want to discuss any of them.

Regards,

~ Shawn


Overview: http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/Overview.html

[want to leave as one sentence for several reasons, including: want to
de-emphasize the initial costs, hopefully limit chance of being quoted
w/o context,  etc. deleted "through direct and indirect benefits" to
make sentence shorter.] 1.  2nd Paragraph: Make this two sentences.
There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web
accessibility; however,  the initial costs are often offset by full a
return on investment through direct and  indirect benefits.
There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web
accessibility. However,  the initial costs are often offset by full a
return on investment through direct and  indirect benefits.

[DONE] 2. Sentence seems to be missing something:
The justification to commitment resources to a project is called a
"business case".
Should be:
The justification to commit resources to a project is called a "business
case".
                - OR -
The justification to make a commitment of resources to a project is
called a  "business case".

[DONE] 3. Generally would try to avoid two prepositional phrases with
the same  preposition "of the value of the project"
Business cases usually document an analysis of the value of the project
in meeting  the organization's objectives, the cost-benefit analysis,
and expected outcomes.
Could be:
Business cases usually document an analysis of the project's value in
meeting the  organization's objectives, the cost-benefit analysis, and
expected outcomes.

[DONE, rewrote paragraph] 4. Paragraph #3
This suite of documents, [Presenting the Case for Web Accessibilty], is
a resource
Suggest:
This suite of documents included in Presenting the Case for Web
Accessibilty  comprise a resource

[DONE, rewrote paragraph] 5. Remove the comma. Not appropriate in this
instance
It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web
accessibility, and  guideance on incorporating these aspects for a
specific organziation's business  case.
Suggest:
It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web
accessibility and  guideance on incorporating these aspects for a
specific organziation's business  case.

[DONE: corrected capitalization of "Internet" - changed beginning
to:"covers the  role of organizations in ensuring equal opportunities
through Web accessibility" -  did not add " [other than the primary page
text] " because want to keep it simple  here, confirmed that it more
clear in the Soc page] 6. Under "Factors in a Business  Case for Web
Accessibility"

*  Social Factors covers the role of organizations' Web accessibility in
ensuring  equal opportunities, the corporate social responsibility
aspect, and benefits to  people with and without disabilities including
older people, people with low literacy  and speakers of other languages,
people with low bandwidth connections to the  internet and older
technologies, and new and infrequent web users

*  Social Factors covers the role of [an] organizations' Web
accessibility  [policy???] in ensuring equal opportunities, the
corporate social responsibility,  benefits to people with and without
disabilities including older people, people with  low literacy and
speakers of languages [other than the primary page text] , people  with
low bandwidth connections to the {Internet} and older technologies, and
new or infrequent web users.

[DONE] 7. Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, reduce
site  development and maintenance time, reduce server load, enable
content on  different configurations, be prepared for advanced web
technologies
Change to:
* Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, [reduction or
reducing] of site  development and maintenance time, [reduction or
reducing] of  server load,  [enabling] content on different
configurations, [being] prepared for advanced web  technologies

[DONE] 8. Note in the "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility"
there is  inconsistency in punctuation at the end of the paragraphs. #
Legal & Policy  Factors  has a period at the end but the rest of the
paragraphs in this section do  not.

[DONE] 9. Under "Developing a Custom Business Case"
The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal & Policy
Factors  pages each start with questions to help identify how these
factors apply to a  specific organziation's and guide development of a
custom business case for a  specific organization.
The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, [and the]
Legal & Policy  Factors pages each start with questions to help identify
how these factors apply  [deleted text] and guide development of a
custom business case for a specific  organization.

[done, edited to: "reducing risk of legal action resulting high legal
expenses and  negative image"] 10. Under "*  A corporation might
emphasize:"

# reducing risk of legal action and resulting high legal expenses and
negative  image;
 
# reducing risk of legal action [which would result in] high legal
expenses and  negative image;



-----Original Message-----
From: w3c-wai-eo-request@w3.org [mailto:w3c-wai-eo-request@w3.org] On
Behalf Of Charmane K. Corcoran
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 10:40 PM
To: EOList
Subject: Edits for Business Case Overview page


Thought it would be easier to put all in one document......Charmane


___________________________
Overview: http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/Overview.html


1. 2nd Paragraph: Make this two sentences.


There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web
accessibility; however, the initial costs are often offset by full a
return on investment through direct and indirect benefits.


There is an initial cost for organziations implementing Web
accessibility. However, the initial costs are often offset by full a
return on investment through direct and indirect benefits.


2. Sentence seems to be missing something:
The justification to commitment resources to a project is called a
"business case".


Should be:
The justification to commit resources to a project is called a "business
case".
                - OR -
The justification to make a commitment of resources to a project is
called a "business case".




3. Generally would try to avoid two prepositional phrases with the same
preposition "of the value of the project"


Business cases usually document an analysis of the value of the project
in meeting the organization's objectives, the cost-benefit analysis, and
expected outcomes.


Could be:
Business cases usually document an analysis of the project's value in
meeting the organization's objectives, the cost-benefit analysis, and
expected outcomes.


4. Paragraph #3
This suite of documents, [Presenting the Case for Web Accessibilty], is
a resource


Suggest:
This suite of documents included in Presenting the Case for Web
Accessibilty comprise a resource


5. Remove the comma. Not appropriate in this instance


It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web
accessibility, and guideance on incorporating these aspects for a
specific organziation's business case.


Suggest:
It presents many different aspects of the business case for Web
accessibility and guideance on incorporating these aspects for a
specific organziation's business case.


6. Under "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility"


*  Social Factors covers the role of organizations' Web accessibility in
ensuring equal opportunities, the corporate social responsibility
aspect, and benefits to people with and without disabilities including
older people, people with low literacy and speakers of other languages,
people with low bandwidth connections to the internet and older
technologies, and new and infrequent web users


*  Social Factors covers the role of [an] organizations' Web
accessibility [policy???] in ensuring equal opportunities, the corporate
social responsibility, benefits to people with and without disabilities
including older people, people with low literacy and speakers of
languages [other than the primary page text] , people with low bandwidth
connections to the {Internet} and older technologies, and new or
infrequent web users.




7. Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, reduce site
development and maintenance time, reduce server load, enable content on
different configurations, be prepared for advanced web technologies


Change to:
* Technical Factors covers interoperability, quality, [reduction or
reducing] of site development and maintenance time, [reduction or
reducing] of  server load, [enabling] content on different
configurations, [being] prepared for advanced web technologies


8. Note in the "Factors in a Business Case for Web Accessibility" there
is inconsistency in punctuation at the end of the paragraphs. # Legal &
Policy Factors  has a period at the end but the rest of the paragraphs
in this section do not.


9. Under "Developing a Custom Business Case"


The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, Legal & Policy
Factors pages each start with questions to help identify how these
factors apply to a specific organziation's and guide development of a
custom business case for a specific organization.


The Social Factors, Technical Factors, Financial Factors, [and the]
Legal & Policy Factors pages each start with questions to help identify
how these factors apply [deleted text] and guide development of a custom
business case for a specific organization.


10. Under "*  A corporation might emphasize:"


# reducing risk of legal action and resulting high legal expenses and
negative image;

# reducing risk of legal action [which would result in] high legal
expenses and negative image;










-- 



MSU: Advancing Knowledge. Transforming Lives.

Libraries, Computing & Technology: Connecting People and Information

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have a Productive Day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charmane K. Corcoran
Information & Project Principal
Michigan State University
Client Advocacy Office
316A Computer Center
East Lansing MI 48824

E-mail:   corcora1@msu.edu
Phone:  Dept. Office - 517/353-4856
     Direct/Vmail - 517/355-4500 Ext. 244
FAX:        Office: 517/355-0141

HmPg:       http://www.msu.edu/~corcora1/
Received on Wednesday, 14 April 2004 18:08:26 GMT

This archive was generated by hypermail 2.2.0+W3C-0.50 : Tuesday, 12 January 2010 00:13:10 GMT