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EOWG: 1 change for review - [for EOWG teleconference] Re: Business Case proofing notes - more notes

From: Shawn Henry <shawn@w3.org>
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 18:39:14 -0500
Message-ID: <42FBE1A2.2010802@w3.org>
To: "EOWG (E-mail)" <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Cc: Liam McGee <liam.mcgee@communis.co.uk>

EOWG,

In response to Liam's "Business Case proofing notes"[1], please see below for:
A. One content change for EOWG review, and discussion as needed at Fri 12 Aug teleconference
B. Minor changes that I don't think need review, but listed here just in case
C. Suggestions not made
D. Typos and corrections that I really don't think need review

Best,
~ Shawn

[1] thread starting at http://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/w3c-wai-eo/2005JulSep/0072.html

=======

A. One content change for EOWG review, and discussion as needed at Fri 12 Aug teleconference

TECHNICAL FACTORS

location: Be Prepared for Advanced Web Technologies, first bullet
SLH: to "Allow content re-use by using metadata and representing it using resource
description framework (RDF)." added ", such as is described in &quot;<a href="/RDF/FAQ.html#What">What is RDF?</a>&quot;" so it now reads:

"Allow content re-use by using metadata and representing it using resource description framework (RDF), such as is described in "What is RDF?". "

=======

B. Changes don't expect need review, but listed here just in case

SOCIAL FACTORS

4. Wording change
* location: Social Factors, Identifying Social Factors
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#custom)
* current wording:
If not, the business case can describe that Web accessibility is essential
for equal opportunity and include the role of organizations' Web sites in
social responsibility.
* suggested revision:
If not, the business case can note that Web accessibility is essential for
equal opportunity, and can include the role of organizations' Web sites in
social responsibility.

SLH: rather than try to summarize the points in that section (which has grown quite a bit), I just put: "If not, the business case can explain that Web accessibility is a social issue." (which links to that whole section down below

9. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location:
* current wording: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 4
When that same information is also available on the Web in an accessible
format, it is significantly easier for many people to access and use.
Therefore, people with disabilities can have more effective and efficient
access to information through accessible Web sites - in some cases, where
there was essentially no access to them before.
* suggested revision:
Placing that same information on the Web in an accessible format gives more
effective and efficient access - in some cases, where there was essentially
no access to them before.
* rationale
Currently somewhat circular reasoning.

SLH: Want to explain the point more clearly and strongly. (While it's obvious to "us", it's very new to many people - and an extremely important point.) I've revised the first sentence to: "...it is significantly easier for many people to get." to tie into previous sentence and be less repetitive with following sentence.

14. Wording change
* location: Social Factors, Web Accessibility is an Aspect of Corporate
Social Responsibility
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#responsible) para 1
* current wording:
...and positively impacts society and the environment.
* suggested revision:
...and has a positive effect on society and the environment.

SLH: changed to "...and is good for society and the environment"

=======

C. Suggestions not made

THROUGHOUT

0. Punctuation
* priority: 3
[lists]
* rationale
Incorrect punctuation -- either capitalise first letter of each bullet or
introduce ; and . as appropriate.

SLH: Think is low priority to spend the time to discuss (e.g., is it easier to read as is, even if not formally correct?) and fix and risk making other errors. Would like to leave as it.

SOCIAL FACTORS

6. Wording change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
Therefore it is essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide
equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities.
* suggested revision:
It is therefore essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide
equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities.
* rationale
Simpler language. Avoids beginning a sentence with 'Therefore'.

SLH: left as is (want to start the sentence with "Therefore" to pause and strongly tie it to the previous sentence)

5. Wording change
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
The Web is an important medium for receiving information as well as
providing information and interacting with society. ...
* suggested revision:
The Web is an important medium for receiving and providing information and
for interacting with society.
* rationale
Simpler language.

SLH: Many people think of Web accessibility as just people with disabilities using Web pages. EOWG wants to explicitly point out that PWDs also need to be able to contribute to the Web, and that this is an important aspect of interacting (2-way) with society. Therefore, I propose we leave the current wording to emphasize that second part.

7. Wording change
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
An accessible Web can also help people with disabilities more actively
participate in society.
* suggested revision:
An accessible Web can also help people with disabilities participate more
actively in society.
* rationale
Simpler language.

SLH: I prefer the meaning of the current wording - even at the expense of slightly more complex language.

8. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Even when all these elements are accessible, it is still difficult for some
people to obtain a paper resource.

SLH: changed to "...it is difficult for some people to get resources from a library."

* alternate suggested revision:
Remove sentence. Adds little to paragraph.

SLH: We're trying to avoid people reading this section and saying that since some resource is now the Web they no longer have to make the non-Web version accessible. Hope this sentence contributes to avoiding that mis-interpretation. 

TECHNICAL FACTORS

4. Query
* current wording: ... Several resources addressing the
the business case for Web standards in general are available on the Web and
in print.
* query:
Can we provide examples? For example,
http://www.maccaws.org/kit/way-forward/ or even just
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=%22business+case+for+web+standards%22
* rationale
Not currently obvious where to get these.

SLH: well... you don't think that people writing a business case for Web accessibility would know to type "business case for web standards" into a search engine? We have talked about this some and didn't come to consensus on easy solution yet. Is it OK with you to leave this issue for next version as needed?

=======

D. Typos and minor corrections that I don't think need review

SOCIAL FACTORS

1. Wording change
* suggested revision:
The importance of various social aspects of Web accessibility is different
SLH: fixed

2. Wording change
* suggested revision:
social group
SLH: done

3. Wording change
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on using social factors in a business case for
Web accessibility.
SLH: hanged to: "This page provides guidance on addressing social factors in a business case for Web accessibility."

@@ hum... could be interpreted as social factors in a business case - rather than social factors of Web accessibility... @@

10. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Additionally, not all disabilities affect access to the Web (for example,
difficulty walking does not affect access to the Web, though difficulty
moving one's hands does).
SLH: done

11. Mark-up change
* current wording:
The United Nations "Human Functioning and Disability"</p>
<http:>page
SLH: fixed

13. Wording change
* rationale
missing 'an'
SLH: fixed

15. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Web accessibility can affect an organization's employees, stockholders and
board members...
SLH: changed

18. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Some aspects of Web accessibility benefit people with low bandwidth
connections. Low bandwidth can be due to:
SLH: done

21. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Does the organization focus on other groups that benefit from Web
accessibility?
* rationale
typo
SLH: fixed

22. Wording change
* rationale
Incorrect grammar
SLH: fixed

23. Wording change
* rationale
Typo
SLH: fixed

24. Wording change
* rationale
Typo
SLH: fixed

25. Mark-up change
* rationale
Wrong link
SLH: fixed

TECHNICAL FACTORS

1. Wording change
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering technical factors in a business case
for Web accessibility.
SLH: done - used "addressing"

3. Wording change
* rationale
Repeated 'the'
SLH: fixed

FINANCIAL FACTORS

1. Wording change
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering technical factors in a business case
for Web accessibility.
SLH: done - used "addressing"

2. Wording change
* rationale
Missing 's'
SLH: done

3. Wording change
* rationale
Braille takes a capital B
SLH: WAI documents use lowercase "b" for braille (unless, of course, referring to Mr. Louis Braille)

LEGAL AND POLICY FACTORS

1. Wording change
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering legal and policy factors in a
business case for Web accessibility.
SLH: done - used "addressing"

2. Wording change
* suggested revision:
If so, the business case can list those laws or mandates that the
organization is required to meet.
SLH: done

3. Wording change
* suggested revision:
Therefore, many organizations that might be subject to Web accessibility
requirements in the future choose to incorporate Web accessibility as soon
as feasible.
SLH: done
Received on Thursday, 11 August 2005 23:39:28 GMT

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