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RE: Business Case proofing notes - more notes

From: Liam McGee <liam.mcgee@communis.co.uk>
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 08:50:35 +0100
To: "W3c-Wai-Eo" <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Message-ID: <PIEFKAOBOKGKLCGFFGKLEEOLCJAA.liam.mcgee@communis.co.uk>


SOCIAL FACTORS
--------------

22. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Identifying Social Factors for a Specific Organization
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#custom) bullet point 4
* current wording:
For example, if the organization focus on older people,
* suggested revision:
For example, if the organization focuses on older people,
* rationale
Incorrect grammar&Atilde;

23. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Web Accessibility is a Social Issue, Barriers to Web Use
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc.html#social)
* current wording:
page includes links to data for different contries
* suggested revision:
page includes links to data for different countries
* rationale
Typo

24. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Web Accessibility is a Social Issue, Role of Organizations' Web
Sites (http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc.html#social)
* current wording:
When an organizations's Web site is accessible,
* suggested revision:
When an organization's Web site is accessible,
* rationale
Typo

25. Mark-up change
* priority: 1
* location: Web Accessibility is a Social Issue, Menu
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc.html)
* current wording:
<a href="soc.html" shape="rect">Legal and Policy Factors</a>
* suggested revision:
<a href="pol.html" shape="rect">Legal and Policy Factors</a>
* rationale
Wrong link


TECHNICAL FACTORS
-----------------

1. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Technical Factors,  'Introduction'
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/tech.html#intro), para 3
* current wording:
This page provides guidance on customizing how technical factors are covered
in a specific organization's business case for Web accessibility.
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering technical factors in a business case
for Web accessibility.
* rationale
Simpler language

2. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Technical Factors,
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/tech.html)
* current wording:
Allow content re-use by using metadata and representing it using resource
description framework (RDF). [@@ need example - or delete? @@] (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 13.2)
* suggested revision:
Allow content re-use by using metadata and representing it using resource
description framework (RDF). (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 13.2)
For example, information about items of web content might include goods
specifications, user preferences, descriptions, catalog listings or
curriculum points covered.
* rationale
Am not sure if these are ideal examples, but would vote for removing the
sentence if examples cannot be provided.

3. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Technical Factors,
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/tech.html)
* current wording:
Several resources addressing the the business case for Web standards in
general are available on the Web and in print.
* suggested revision:
Several resources addressing the business case for Web standards in general
are available on the Web and in print.
* rationale
Repeated 'the'

4. Query
* priority: 2
* location: Technical Factors,
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/tech.html)
* current wording:
Some developers and organizations pride themselves on producing high quality
Web sites that meet technical standards. Web accessibility guidelines such
as the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) 1.0 from the World Wide
Web Consortium (W3C) Web Accessibility Initiative (WAI) are
widely-recognized international standards. Several resources addressing the
the business case for Web standards in general are available on the Web and
in print.
* query:
Can we provide examples? For example,
http://www.maccaws.org/kit/way-forward/ or even just
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=%22business+case+for+web+standards%22
* rationale
Not currently obvious where to get these.


FINANCIAL FACTORS
-----------------
1. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Introduction
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/fin.html#intro), para 3
* current wording:
This page provides guidance on customizing how technical factors are covered
in a specific organization's business case for Web accessibility.
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering technical factors in a business case
for Web accessibility.
* rationale
Simpler language

2. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Financial Benefits, Direct Cost Savings
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/fin.html#benefits) para 1
* current wording:
In addition to the benefits from increased Web site use discussed above,
many organization...
* suggested revision:
In addition to the benefits from increased Web site use discussed above,
many organizations...
* rationale
Missing 's'

3. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Financial Benefits, Direct Cost Savings, Decreases cost of
alternative format materials
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/fin.html#benefits) para 1
* current wording:
braille
* suggested revision:
Braille
* rationale
Braille takes a capital B

3. Punctuation
Punctuation of lists throughout. Either capitalise first letter of each
bullet or introduce ; and . as appropriate.


LEGAL AND POLICY FACTORS
------------------------
1. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Introduction
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/fin.html#intro), para 3
* current wording:
This page provides guidance on customizing how legal and policy factors are
covered in a specific organization's business case for Web accessibility.
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on covering legal and policy factors in a
business case for Web accessibility.
* alternate suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on introducing legal and policy factors into a
business case for Web accessibility.
* rationale
Simpler language

2. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Identifying Legal and Policy Factors for a Specific Organization
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/pol.html#custom), bullet 1
* current wording:
If so, the business case can list those laws or mandate that the
organization is required to meet.
* suggested revision:
If so, the business case can list those laws or mandates that the
organization is required to meet.
* rationale
Inconsistent pluralisation

3. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Determining Applicable Policies, Considerations for the Future
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/pol.html#apply) para 1
* current wording:
Therefore, many organizations that might be subject to Web accessibility
requirements in the future chose to incorporate Web accessibility as soon as
feasible.
* suggested revision:
Therefore, many organizations that might be subject to Web accessibility
requirements in the future choose to incorporate Web accessibility as soon
as feasible.
* alternate suggested revision:
Therefore, many organizations that might be subject to Web accessibility
requirements in the future incorporate Web accessibility as soon as
feasible.
* rationale
Wrong tense 'chose' -- either change tense or remove.

4. Punctuation
* priority: 3
* location: Determining Applicable Policies, Considerations for the Future
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/pol.html#apply) para 2
* current wording:
An organization might be subject to additional Web accessible requirements
in the future because:
    - there are policies in development that will apply to the organization
    - the organization expands into countries or other markets where Web
accessibility policies apply
* suggested revision:
An organization might be subject to additional Web accessible requirements
in the future because:
    - there are policies in development that will apply to the organization;
    - the organization expands into countries or other markets where Web
accessibility policies apply.
* rationale
Incorrect punctuation -- either capitalise first letter of each bullet or
introduce ; and . as appropriate.
Received on Thursday, 11 August 2005 07:50:50 GMT

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