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Business Case proofing notes - social

From: Liam McGee <liam.mcgee@communis.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 15:35:29 +0100
To: "W3c-Wai-Eo" <w3c-wai-eo@w3.org>
Message-ID: <PIEFKAOBOKGKLCGFFGKLMEOGCJAA.liam.mcgee@communis.co.uk>

Notes for http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#intro

-------------------------

1. Wording change
* priority 1
* location: Social Factors, 'Introduction'
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#intro), para 2
* current wording:
The importance of various social aspects of Web accessibility are different
* suggested revision:
The importance of various social aspects of Web accessibility is different
* alternate suggested revision:
The importances of various social aspects of Web accessibility are different
* rationale
Incorrect grammar

2. Wording change
* priority 1
* location: Social Factors, 'Introduction'
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#intro), para 2
* current wording:
societal group
* suggested revision:
social group
* rationale
jargon

3. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Social Factors,  'Introduction'
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#intro), para 3
* current wording:
This page provides guidance on customizing how social factors are covered in
a specific organization's business case for Web accessibility.
* suggested revision:
This page provides guidance on using social factors in a business case for
Web accessibility.
* rationale
Simpler language

4. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Identifying Social Factors
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#custom)
* current wording:
If not, the business case can describe that Web accessibility is essential
for equal opportunity and include the role of organizations' Web sites in
social responsibility.
* suggested revision:
If not, the business case can note that Web accessibility is essential for
equal opportunity, and can include the role of organizations' Web sites in
social responsibility.
* rationale
Incorrect use of 'describe' -- one describes a thing, one does not describe
that a thing; commas and 'can' added for semantic clarity.

5. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
The Web is an important medium for receiving information as well as
providing information and interacting with society. Therefore it is
essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide equal access and
equal opportunity to people with disabilities. An accessible Web can also
help people with disabilities more actively participate in society.
* suggested revision:
The Web is an important medium for receiving and providing information and
for interacting with society.
* rationale
Simpler language.

6. Wording change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
Therefore it is essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide
equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities.
* suggested revision:
It is therefore essential that the Web be accessible in order to provide
equal access and equal opportunity to people with disabilities.
* rationale
Simpler language. Avoids beginning a sentence with 'Therefore'.

7. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 2
* current wording:
An accessible Web can also help people with disabilities more actively
participate in society.
* suggested revision:
An accessible Web can also help people with disabilities participate more
actively in society.
* rationale
Simpler language.

8. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 3
* current wording:
Even when all these elements are accessible, it is difficult for some
people.
* suggested revision:
Even when all these elements are accessible, it is still difficult for some
people to obtain a paper resource.
* alternate suggested revision:
Remove sentence. Adds little to paragraph.
* rationale
Incorrect grammar - sentence lacks object.

9. Wording change
* priority: 2
* location:
* current wording: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 4
When that same information is also available on the Web in an accessible
format, it is significantly easier for many people to access and use.
Therefore, people with disabilities can have more effective and efficient
access to information through accessible Web sites - in some cases, where
there was essentially no access to them before.
* suggested revision:
Placing that same information on the Web in an accessible format gives more
effective and efficient access - in some cases, where there was essentially
no access to them before.
* rationale
Currently somewhat circular reasoning.

10. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue, Barriers to
Web Use (http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 3
* current wording:
Additionally, not all disabilities affect access to the Web (for example,
walking does not affect access to the Web, though difficulty moving one's
hands does).
* suggested revision:
Additionally, not all disabilities affect access to the Web (for example,
difficulty walking does not affect access to the Web, though difficulty
moving one's hands does).
* rationale
I find it hard to access the web while walking. My PDA jiggles about.

11. Mark-up change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue, Barriers to
Web Use (http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 3/4
* current wording:
The United Nations "Human Functioning and Disability"</p>
<http:>page
* suggested revision:
The United Nations "Human Functioning and Disability" page
* rationale
Incorrect Mark-up.

12. Punctuation change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue, Overlap
with Digital Divide Issues
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social) para 1
* current wording:
Together with barriers in the physical environment and in computer
technologies, these factors can result in:
    - lack of accessible mainstream Web technologies (such as browsers and
authoring tools)
    - lack of effective, up-to-date assistive technologies
    - lack of opportunities for training to become proficient with Web
technologies
    - limited access to a social environment that encourages Web use
    - limited access to high-bandwidth connections, or even to regular Web
access
* suggested revision:
Together with barriers in the physical environment and in computer
technologies, these factors can result in:
    - lack of accessible mainstream Web technologies (such as browsers and
authoring tools);
    - lack of effective, up-to-date assistive technologies;
    - lack of opportunities for training to become proficient with Web
technologies;
    - limited access to a social environment that encourages Web use;
    - limited access to high-bandwidth connections, or even to regular Web
access.
* rationale
Maintaining consistency of punctuation.

13. Wording change
* priority: 4
* location: Social Factors, Web accessibility is a social issue, Role of
Organizations' Web Sites (http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#social)
para 1
* current wording:
Providing accessible Web site is one way an organization can demonstrate
that it strives to meet the access needs of a diverse society.
* suggested revision:
Providing an accessible Web site is one way an organization can demonstrate
that it strives to meet the access needs of a diverse society.
* rationale
missing 'an'

14. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Web Accessibility is an Aspect of Corporate
Social Responsibility
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#responsible) para 1
* current wording:
...and positively impacts society and the environment.
* suggested revision:
...and has a positive effect on society and the environment.
* rationale
Jargon and verbing a noun. Suggested revision less colloquial.

15. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Web Accessibility is an Aspect of Corporate
Social Responsibility
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#responsible) para 1
* current wording:
Web accessibility can impact an organization's employees, stockholders and
board members...
* suggested revision:
Web accessibility can affect an organization's employees, stockholders and
board members...
* rationale
Jargon and verbing a noun. Suggested revision less colloquial.

16. Punctuation change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Access for Older People
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#groups) para 1
* current wording:
For example, many people with age-related visual deterioration can benefit
from:
    - sufficient contrast between foreground and background colors (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 2.2)
    - text size defined as relative units (rather than absolute units), so
they can progressively increase the text size in a regular site, as opposed
to using a very differently designed text-only site or assistive technology
(WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.4)
    - text and markup rather than bitmap images of text to convey
information (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.1)
    - text that does not blink or move (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 7.2, 7.3)
People with difficulty using the mouse benefit from:
    - device independence that lets them use the keyboard, rather than
having to use the mouse, for all Web site interaction (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
6.4, 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, 9.4, 9.5)
* suggested revision:
For example, many people with age-related visual deterioration can benefit
from:
    - sufficient contrast between foreground and background colors (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 2.2);
    - text size defined as relative units (rather than absolute units), so
they can progressively increase the text size in a regular site, as opposed
to using a very differently designed text-only site or assistive technology
(WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.4);
    - text and markup rather than bitmap images of text to convey
information (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.1);
    - text that does not blink or move (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 7.2, 7.3).
People with difficulty using the mouse benefit from:
    - device independence that lets them use the keyboard, rather than
having to use the mouse, for all Web site interaction (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
6.4, 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, 9.4, 9.5).
* rationale
Maintaining consistency of punctuation.

17. Punctuation change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Access for People with Low Literacy and Speakers
of Other Languages (http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#groups) para 1
* current wording:
Specifically, many of the aspects of Web accessibility for people with
cognitive disabilities help people who do not know the language well,
including:
    - clear and simple language as appropriate (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 14.1)
    - supplemental illustrations (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 14.2)
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6, 13.7, 13.8, 14.3)
    - blocks of information divided into groups (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 12.3)
    - text that does not blink or move (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 7.2, 7.3)
* suggested revision:
Specifically, many of the aspects of Web accessibility for people with
cognitive disabilities help people who do not know the language well,
including:
    - clear and simple language as appropriate (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 14.1);
    - supplemental illustrations (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 14.2);
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6, 13.7, 13.8, 14.3);
    - blocks of information divided into groups (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 12.3);
    - text that does not blink or move (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 7.2, 7.3).
* rationale
Maintaining consistency of punctuation.

18. Wording change
* priority: 1
* location: Social Factors, Access for People with Low Bandwidth Connections
to the Internet and Older Technologies
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#groups) para 1
* current wording:
Some aspects of Web accessibility benefit people with low bandwidth
connections. Low bandwidth can be from:
* suggested revision:
Some aspects of Web accessibility benefit people with low bandwidth
connections. Low bandwidth can be due to:
* rationale
Incorrect use of 'from'

19. Punctuation change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Access for People with Low Bandwidth Connections
to the Internet and Older Technologies
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#groups) para 1-3
* current wording:
    - location - for example, rural
    - bandwidth congestion
    - connection technology - for example, mobile phone or personal data
assistant (PDA)
    - financial situation - that is, cannot afford high-speed connection
Some older technologies load pages very slowly and do not support features
used on newer sites.
People with low bandwidth connections and older technologies can benefit
from:
    - redundant coding for information conveyed with color, and sufficient
contrast between foreground and background colors - for people who have
black and white monitors (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 2.1, 2.2)
    - text descriptions of images, when they turn off images to speed
download, and text alternatives for multimedia - for people whose older
technology cannot access new multimedia formats and people whose connections
are too low to download multimedia files (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 1.1)
    - text size defined as relative units - for older browsers that do not
override absolute text sizes (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.4)
    - text and markup rather than bitmap images of text to convey
information, which can increase download speed (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.1)
    - style sheets used effectively to separate content from presentation,
which can decrease file size and file download requirements thus increasing
download speed (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.3)
    - sites that are organized so they can be read without style sheets,
because some older technologies cannot handle style sheets (accessible pages
can use style sheets and still be usable when style sheets are not
supported) (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 6.1)
    - sites that use valid W3C technologies, and are thus more likely to
work on older technologies (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 11.1, 3.2)
    - sites that are usable when scripts, applets, or other programmatic
objects are turned off or not supported (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 6.3)
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links, which helps users
open the pages they want and helps save wasted page loading time from users
going down the wrong path (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6,
13.7, 13.8, 14.3)
* suggested revision:
    - location - for example, rural;
    - bandwidth congestion;
    - connection technology - for example, mobile phone or personal data
assistant (PDA);
    - financial situation - that is, cannot afford high-speed connection.
Some older technologies load pages very slowly and do not support features
used on newer sites.
People with low bandwidth connections and older technologies can benefit
from:
    - redundant coding for information conveyed with color, and sufficient
contrast between foreground and background colors - for people who have
black and white monitors (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 2.1, 2.2);
    - text descriptions of images, when they turn off images to speed
download, and text alternatives for multimedia - for people whose older
technology cannot access new multimedia formats and people whose connections
are too low to download multimedia files (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 1.1);
    - text size defined as relative units - for older browsers that do not
override absolute text sizes (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.4);
    - text and markup rather than bitmap images of text to convey
information, which can increase download speed (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.1);
    - style sheets used effectively to separate content from presentation,
which can decrease file size and file download requirements thus increasing
download speed (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 3.3);
    - sites that are organized so they can be read without style sheets,
because some older technologies cannot handle style sheets (accessible pages
can use style sheets and still be usable when style sheets are not
supported) (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 6.1);
    - sites that use valid W3C technologies, and are thus more likely to
work on older technologies (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 11.1, 3.2);
    - sites that are usable when scripts, applets, or other programmatic
objects are turned off or not supported (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 6.3);
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links, which helps users
open the pages they want and helps save wasted page loading time from users
going down the wrong path (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6,
13.7, 13.8, 14.3).
* rationale
Maintaining consistency of punctuation.

20. Punctuation change
* priority: 3
* location: Social Factors, Access for New and Infrequent Web Users
(http://www.w3.org/WAI/EO/Drafts/bcase/soc#groups) para 1
* current wording:
New and infrequent Web users benefit from aspects of accessibility such as:
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6, 13.7, 13.8, 14.3)
    - providing redundant text links for image maps (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
1.2)
    - informing users of new, spawned browser windows (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
10.1)
* suggested revision:
New and infrequent Web users benefit from aspects of accessibility such as:
    - clear and consistent design, navigation, and links (WCAG 1.0
Checkpoint 13.1, 13.3, 13.4, 13.5, 13.6, 13.7, 13.8, 14.3);
    - providing redundant text links for image maps (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
1.2);
    - informing users of new, spawned browser windows (WCAG 1.0 Checkpoint
10.1).
* rationale
Maintaining consistency of punctuation.
Received on Wednesday, 10 August 2005 14:35:38 GMT

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