- From: Norman Walsh <ndw@nwalsh.com>
- Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 13:32:26 -0400
- To: public-webarch-comments@w3.org
- Cc: Tim Bray <tbray@textuality.com>
- Message-id: <87oejvpo7p.fsf@nwalsh.com>
Tim,
I believe I adopted all but a couple of your editorial suggestions.
Please let me know if you're satisfied with my edits.
/ Norman Walsh <Norman.Walsh@Sun.COM> was heard to say:
| **Abstract.
|
| s/Within each of these/In each of these/
Ok.
| 2nd para, make sentence smoother:
|
| These lead to design choices for and constraints on the behavior of
| systems that use the Web, aimed at achieving the desired properties of
| the shared information space:
Ok.
| **1. Introduction
|
| 2nd para. Suggest losing "(on behalf of a person, entity, or
| process)"... terms are fuzzy (entity?), and it doesn't really add
| anything.
I'm inclined to agree, as a parenthetical remark it seems unnecessary.
I'm going to leave the glossary definition of web agent unchanged, however.
| 1st story. lose ", as advertised", redundant & awkward
Yep.
| list of "three architectural bases"... #2.
| Suggest swapping 1st & 2nd sentences.
Yep.
| "By clicking on a hypertext link..." well, Nadia didn't, except
| implicitly in step #3 of the story. In fact, she typed in the URI.
| Which doesn't weaken the point.
I added "By typing the URI into her browser, or" to the beginning of
that sentence.
| **1.1.2
|
| 2nd para. s/This document strikes/This document strives for/... avoid
| being self-complimentary
Indeed.
| **1.1.3 <dt>Constraint</dt>
|
| s/certain properties/desired properties/
| What are "non-functional properties"? I don't think the division of
| desired properties into two baskets really helps. Also, the list is
| too long and klunky, lose a couple.
I reworded it a bit.
| **2.1
|
| 1st para. s/sharing a URI/sharing URIs/
|
| last paragraph feels orphaned and a little lame. Last sentence is
| worth saving.
It seems OK to me.
| **2.2
|
| 3rd para. The term "scheme" is used before being defined, and kind of
| abruptly too. At least a hyperlink to its definition?
I softened the wording a bit.
| s/scheme specific URI/scheme-specific URIs/
Ok.
| **2.2.1.1
|
| 2nd para. Does the "urn" scheme actually establish a unique
| relationship between a social entity and a URI? Let's assume urn:uuid:
| gets registered some day
|
| awkward phrase: "... based on Internet media type, validity
| constraints, or other constraints." Also, is the phrase "validity
| constraints" well-understood? I might assume that it's referring
| specifically to the result of XML DTD processing? Maybe just "...
| based on Internet media type, user authorization, or other
| constraints."
This section has been substantially rewritten.
| **2.2.2
|
| Wouldn't <cite>The Sting</cite> be better than "The Sting"?
Yeah.
| /me weeps for the lost white whale... dammit, I'll charter a ship out
| of Nantucket and hunt that sucker down in the graveyard of lost
| specifications, I just need a Tahitian harpooner.
Heh. I liked the whale example better too, and I think there are some
other open comments on this paragraph.
| **2.3
|
| This section suffers from severe internal confusion as to how the word
| URI is pluralized.... someone needs to take an end-to-end walk through
| the doc looking at each occurrence of "URI" to see whether it should be
| "URIs".
I took a stab at it.
| **2.3.2
|
| The story makes Dirk look like a doofus. How about an innocent mistake
| instead of a dumb question: "Dirk is editing a Web page, and Nadia
| notices that he has inserted a link to ...08/03/Oaxaca labeled 'Current
| Oaxaca weather forecast'. Nadia spots a cut-and-paste error and
| explains that the resource Dirk has identified is the weather forecast
| for 'Weather on August 3, 2004', and that he should either change the
| label or change the URI to '.../oaxaca'"
Fair enough. Mustn't make Dirk look like a doofus :-)
| **2.4
|
| Para beginning "While Web architecture..." s/significant amount/large
| amount/
Ok.
| **3.1
|
| In the discussion of URI stability, it should be noted that if a
| resource is an information resource, it should stay an information
| resource.
I think the whole issue of "information resources" is in flux (again).
| **3.2.1
|
| <ol> after "Precisely which representations...", #4: suggest rewording
| to say "The world changes over time, and so representations of
| resources are like to change."
Ok.
| **3.3.1
|
| Para beginning "As with any URI", s/licensed by specification/licensed
| by any specification/.
Ok.
| **3.3.2
|
| s/restrictions on, or structure within,/rules for use of/
Ok.
| **3.4
|
| para beginning "In all cases the accuracy"
|
| s/In all cases the accuracy/The accuracy/
Ok.
| **3.6
|
| 1st story s/(and he trusts them more than he trusts the Web site in
| question//, hardly necessary.
Yeah.
| 1st Good practice s/the identified resource/the resource it identifies/
Ok.
| **3.6.1
|
| 1st para, 2nd sentence, suggest rewrite: "For an Information Resource,
| persistence depends on the consistency of representations."
Yeah.
| **3.7
|
| 1st para: instead "exchanging" how about "passing on" or "republishing"
Ok.
| para beginning "For resources that are..." s/applicability/reusability/
Ok.
| **3.8
|
| Bah. Content-free. Unhelpful.
But consistent with other sections and indicative of possible future
directions.
| **4.
|
| Suggest rewrite 1st sentence: Data formats (examples include XHTML,
| RDF/XML, SMIL, XLink, CSS, and PNG) [er is XLink a "data format"?] are
| agreements on the correct interpretation of representation data.
Ok.
| 2nd para s/data sender/sender of data/
| s/data receiver/the party that receives it/.
Ok.
| **4.1
|
| 3rd para. suggest rewrite 1st sentence: If a data format is textual, as
| defined in this section, this does not imply that it should be served
| with a media type beginning with "text/".
Ok.
| **4.2.2
|
| 2nd para after story s/For almost all applications/In general/
Ok.
| **4.2.4
|
| 1st <li> in <ul>
| s/they have little or no effect/they are not intended to affect/
| ... hmm, is this really true? Ask Norm, he understands JFIF
Ok, and yes, respectively. :-)
| 2nd <li> s/to be composed/content/
Ok.
| 3rd <li> s/vocabularies is/vocabularies are/
Ok.
| **4.4
|
| 1st para s/birth/success/
Ok.
| **4.5.6
|
| 2nd <li> in <ol> s/ID assignment/ID recognition/. "Assignment" really
| feels like the wrong word.
I changed it to:
A non-validating, DTD-aware processor can recognize IDs.
| **5.1
|
| last sentence. The "advances into territory" metaphor is perhaps a
| little martial... does it leave the tents of the other specification
| burning and its women weeping? Perhaps "overlaps" would do?
Heh. Ok.
| **5.3
|
| 1st sentence: s/can be well-specified/can be well-characterized/
Ok.
Be seeing you,
norm
--
Norman Walsh <ndw@nwalsh.com> | Everything should be made as simple as
http://nwalsh.com/ | possible, but no simpler.
Received on Friday, 24 September 2004 17:32:32 UTC