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Re: [Tim Bray] Review of webarch-20040816 (editorial issues)

From: Norman Walsh <ndw@nwalsh.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 13:32:26 -0400
To: public-webarch-comments@w3.org
Cc: Tim Bray <tbray@textuality.com>
Message-id: <87oejvpo7p.fsf@nwalsh.com>

I believe I adopted all but a couple of your editorial suggestions.
Please let me know if you're satisfied with my edits.

/ Norman Walsh <Norman.Walsh@Sun.COM> was heard to say:
| **Abstract.
| s/Within each of these/In each of these/


| 2nd para, make sentence smoother:
| These lead to design choices for and constraints on the behavior of 
| systems that use the Web, aimed at achieving the desired properties of 
| the shared information space:


| **1. Introduction
| 2nd para.  Suggest losing "(on behalf of a person, entity, or 
| process)"... terms are fuzzy (entity?), and it doesn't really add 
| anything.

I'm inclined to agree, as a parenthetical remark it seems unnecessary.
I'm going to leave the glossary definition of web agent unchanged, however.

| 1st story.  lose ", as advertised", redundant & awkward


| list of "three architectural bases"... #2.
| Suggest swapping 1st & 2nd sentences.


| "By clicking on a hypertext link..." well, Nadia didn't, except 
| implicitly in step #3 of the story.  In fact, she typed in the URI.  
| Which doesn't weaken the point.

I added "By typing the URI into her browser, or" to the beginning of
that sentence.

| **1.1.2
| 2nd para.  s/This document strikes/This document strives for/... avoid 
| being self-complimentary


| **1.1.3 <dt>Constraint</dt>
| s/certain properties/desired properties/
| What are "non-functional properties"?  I don't think the division of 
| desired properties into two baskets really helps.  Also, the list is 
| too long and klunky, lose a couple.

I reworded it a bit.

| **2.1
| 1st para.  s/sharing a URI/sharing URIs/
| last paragraph feels orphaned and a little lame.  Last sentence is 
| worth saving.

It seems OK to me.

| **2.2
| 3rd para.  The term "scheme" is used before being defined, and kind of 
| abruptly too.  At least a hyperlink to its definition?

I softened the wording a bit.

| s/scheme specific URI/scheme-specific URIs/


| **
| 2nd para.  Does the "urn" scheme actually establish a unique 
| relationship between a social entity and a URI?  Let's assume urn:uuid: 
| gets registered some day
| awkward phrase: "... based on Internet media type, validity 
| constraints, or other constraints."  Also, is the phrase "validity 
| constraints" well-understood?  I might assume that it's referring 
| specifically to the result of XML DTD processing?  Maybe just "... 
| based on Internet media type, user authorization, or other 
| constraints."

This section has been substantially rewritten.

| **2.2.2
| Wouldn't <cite>The Sting</cite> be better than "The Sting"?


| /me weeps for the lost white whale... dammit, I'll charter a ship out 
| of Nantucket and hunt that sucker down in the graveyard of lost 
| specifications, I just need a Tahitian harpooner.

Heh. I liked the whale example better too, and I think there are some
other open comments on this paragraph.

| **2.3
| This section suffers from severe internal confusion as to how the word 
| URI is pluralized.... someone needs to take an end-to-end walk through 
| the doc looking at each occurrence of "URI" to see whether it should be 
| "URIs".

I took a stab at it.

| **2.3.2
| The story makes Dirk look like a doofus.  How about an innocent mistake 
| instead of a dumb question: "Dirk is editing a Web page, and Nadia 
| notices that he has inserted a link to ...08/03/Oaxaca labeled 'Current 
| Oaxaca weather forecast'.  Nadia spots a cut-and-paste error and 
| explains that the resource Dirk has identified is the weather forecast 
| for 'Weather on August 3, 2004', and that he should either change the 
| label or change the URI to '.../oaxaca'"

Fair enough. Mustn't make Dirk look like a doofus :-)

| **2.4
| Para beginning "While Web architecture..." s/significant amount/large 
| amount/


| **3.1
| In the discussion of URI stability, it should be noted that if a 
| resource is an information resource, it should stay an information 
| resource.

I think the whole issue of "information resources" is in flux (again).

| **3.2.1
| <ol> after "Precisely which representations...", #4: suggest rewording 
| to say "The world changes over time, and so representations of 
| resources are like to change."


| **3.3.1
| Para beginning "As with any URI", s/licensed by specification/licensed 
| by any specification/.


| **3.3.2
| s/restrictions on, or structure within,/rules for use of/


| **3.4
| para beginning "In all cases the accuracy"
| s/In all cases the accuracy/The accuracy/


| **3.6
| 1st story s/(and he trusts them more than he trusts the Web site in 
| question//, hardly necessary.


| 1st Good practice s/the identified resource/the resource it identifies/


| **3.6.1
| 1st para, 2nd sentence, suggest rewrite: "For an Information Resource, 
| persistence depends on the consistency of representations."


| **3.7
| 1st para: instead "exchanging" how about "passing on" or "republishing"


| para beginning "For resources that are..." s/applicability/reusability/


| **3.8
| Bah.  Content-free.  Unhelpful.

But consistent with other sections and indicative of possible future

| **4.
| Suggest rewrite 1st sentence: Data formats (examples include XHTML, 
| RDF/XML, SMIL, XLink, CSS, and PNG) [er is XLink a "data format"?] are 
| agreements on the correct interpretation of representation data.


| 2nd para s/data sender/sender of data/
| s/data receiver/the party that receives it/.


| **4.1
| 3rd para. suggest rewrite 1st sentence: If a data format is textual, as 
| defined in this section, this does not imply that it should be served 
| with a media type beginning with "text/".


| **4.2.2
| 2nd para after story s/For almost all applications/In general/


| **4.2.4
| 1st <li> in <ul>
| s/they have little or no effect/they are not intended to affect/
| ... hmm, is this really true?  Ask Norm, he understands JFIF

Ok, and yes, respectively. :-)

| 2nd <li> s/to be composed/content/


| 3rd <li> s/vocabularies is/vocabularies are/


| **4.4
| 1st para s/birth/success/


| **4.5.6
| 2nd <li> in <ol> s/ID assignment/ID recognition/.  "Assignment" really 
| feels like the wrong word.

I changed it to:

  A non-validating, DTD-aware processor can recognize IDs.

| **5.1
| last sentence.  The "advances into territory" metaphor is perhaps a 
| little martial... does it leave the tents of the other specification 
| burning and its women weeping?  Perhaps "overlaps" would do?

Heh. Ok.

| **5.3
| 1st sentence: s/can be well-specified/can be well-characterized/


                                        Be seeing you,

Norman Walsh <ndw@nwalsh.com> | Everything should be made as simple as
http://nwalsh.com/            | possible, but no simpler.

Received on Friday, 24 September 2004 17:32:32 UTC

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