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Re: Please review: Updated Draft... incorporating today's comments

From: Sean Stapleford (TecAccess) <SStapleford@TecAccess.NET>
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:43:11 -0400
Message-ID: <004801c3938f$3e0f43a0$0100a8c0@DELL>
To: <mhakkinen@acm.org>, "Public-Wai-Rd" <public-wai-rd@w3.org>

Very Nicely Done, Mark, Marja, Wendy, Jim, et all!

A few MINOR suggestions:

Use Case (As-Is):
"Educators and producers of statistical information, such as
census data, can use visualization to allow viewers with a
broad range of abilities to see trends and relationships of
the data presented that a more granular (individual data
points) view does not provide."

I would add a comma between "data presented" and "that a
more granular"; a 'separation' seems needed.

(Revised):
"Educators and producers of statistical information, such as
census data, can use visualization to allow viewers with a
broad range of abilities to see trends and relationships of
the data presented, that a more granular (individual data
points) view does not provide."

In the Introduction, the original paragraph:
"Users who have cognitive difficulties may benefit from
certain kinds of visualizations or may need simplified
presentations of the very complex visualizations and users
who have difficulties in interacting spatially need means to
refer to the information by sequential commands."

This might be easier to read and understand, if split into
two sentences, and one comma added, as in this revised
version:
"Users who have cognitive difficulties may benefit from
certain kinds of visualizations, or may need simplified
presentations of the very complex visualizations. Users who
have difficulties in interacting spatially need means to
refer to the information by sequential commands."

The first sentence of the next paragraph also seems to need
several commas, for 'logical pauses, clarity, and
readability. The original reads:
"Semantic Web technologies based on metadata often provide a
useful way to present the data and relationships that are
going to be visualized so that different alternative
visualization can be created from them according to the user
needs."

This revision would become:
"Semantic Web technologies based on metadata often provide a
useful way to present the data and relationships that are
going to be visualized, so that different alternative
visualization can be created from them, according to the
user needs."

My Two Cents, for what it's Worth!

My Hat is Off to You, and all others involved, for the Quick
Revision of a Very Complex Draft Document - A Hearty 'Round
of Applause' is in Order, IMHO!

Sean Stapleford
SStapleford@TecAccess.NET
Senior Assistive Technology Tester
TecAccess - http://www.TecAccess.NET/
(804) 749-8646

----- Original Message -----
From: "Markku T. Hakkinen" <hakkinen@dinf.ne.jp>
To: "Public-Wai-Rd" <public-wai-rd@w3.org>
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2003 5:34 PM
Subject: Please review: Updated Draft... incorporating
today's comments


>
> Thank you everyone for your efforts today! I think we are
about done.
>
> Revised Introduction is in place, and the comments,
suggestions, corrections
> are in place.
>
> Slight wording changes on the uses case for consistency,
and one additional
> use case, aimed at financial services (comments on that
one, please)
>
> Updated the submission close date to November 7, but
changed the actual
> event date to December ??.
>
> Added a description of the teleconference event in the
very first paragraph,
> as suggested by Wendy.
>
>
> You can read this version at:
>
> http://www.w3.org/WAI/RD/2003/09/call-vis-papers.html
>
> regards,
> mark
>
>
Received on Wednesday, 15 October 2003 22:43:16 GMT

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