Panda Mating Fails; Vet Takes Over

Despite months of effort, City Zoo's favorite Panda, Sun-Sun, has failed to mate with our neighbouring city's Ling Ling. "We've tried it the easy way, given her every chance" said City Veterinary Chief Steven 'Steve' Wahoonie, "now it's time to get serious. If we want to preserve these rare creatures then we need more baby pandas. Time to get the big syringe, the camera crew and a D-list celebrity to do the honours."

Tough Wahoonie

"The Panda is one of the most endangered creatures in the world, with habitat fragmentation and poaching taking their toll on a dwindling population", growled Wahoonie. "World Wildlife Fund estimate that as few as 1,600 are left in the wild today. A major difficulty of conserving pandas is that captive breeding programmes have mixed success. That and we just don't have big enough jars to pickle them in."Giant Panda Sun Sun has been one of the biggest attractions at city zoo since he arrived accidentally due to a postal mix-up in 1993.

Return To Sender

"She was originally supposed to be delivered to Berlin," said Wahoonie, "we were expecting squirrels, but didn't like to argue. The delivery guy was pretty big. So I just signed the docket, changed her name from 'Tufty' to 'Sun-Sun' and no one was the wiser. I guess we should eventually tell Berlin Zoo where their panda got to. But not until we get some panda cubs out of her first. Our visitors would really love those cute little tykes. This is strictly off the record, right?"

Man Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

As news of the conviction and sentencing of infamous violin thief Pasquale Ginkgo-Biloba reached city hall, Mayor Auberon 'Slim' Shadi stated that he was furious at the boring sentence handed down by the Judge in the case, and is demanding a review of sentencing policy. This is not the first time that Judges have come under fire for lenient sentencing in musical-instrument related cases. Last year's Trombone Forgery debacle also resulted in a formal rebuke from the Mayor.

Lack of Brains Hinders Research

Brain donations at city hospital (by month)

There has been a significant drop in organ donations as a result of the successful 'Slow Traffic, Safe Streets' policy, say city doctors. "Organ donations are essential, not only for transplant operations, but also for medical research" said Dr. Liam Colluspid of Central Hospital, at a press conference yesterday. "I must ask that the Mayor either dispenses with these road safety measures, or else that every concerned citizen should consider right now whether there are any organs they aren't making much use of at the moment, that they might like to drop in".