2009/dap/privacy-practices Overview.html,1.23,1.24

Update of /sources/public/2009/dap/privacy-practices
In directory hutz:/tmp/cvs-serv20620

Modified Files:
	Overview.html 
Log Message:
editorial changes based on Josh Soref review


Index: Overview.html
===================================================================
RCS file: /sources/public/2009/dap/privacy-practices/Overview.html,v
retrieving revision 1.23
retrieving revision 1.24
diff -u -d -r1.23 -r1.24
--- Overview.html	19 Jun 2012 21:59:54 -0000	1.23
+++ Overview.html	20 Jun 2012 20:54:31 -0000	1.24
@@ -35,8 +35,8 @@
       <p>
         This is a First Public Working Draft of a document that is expected to
       be further updated based on both Working 
-      Group input and public comments. The Working Group anticipates to
-      eventually publish a stabilized version of this document as a W3C
+      Group input and public comments. The Working Group anticipates
+      publishing a stabilized version of this document as a W3C 
       Working Group Note. 
       </p>
     </section>
@@ -93,7 +93,7 @@
         </span></p>
         <p class="practicedesc">
           The end user should have enough information about a service
-          and how it will user their personal information to make an
+          and how it will use their personal information to make an
           informed decision on whether to share information with that service. 
           This should include understanding of the data to be shared,
           clarity about how long data will be kept 
@@ -119,19 +119,19 @@
           other means.</p> 
 <!--         <p class="practicedesc"> -->
 <!--           Examples are the presentation of a "picker" -->
-<!--           interface to a user for selecting contacts fields of -->
+<!--           interface to the user for selecting contacts fields of -->
 <!--           potential contacts returned from a find operation in -->
 <!--           the contacts  API [[CONTACTS-API]], or the selection -->
 <!--           of a file in  -->
 <!--           response to HTML5 <code>&lt;input type="file"&gt;</code> markup -->
-<!--           [[HTML5]].  In each of these cases a user makes a -->
+<!--           [[HTML5]].  In each of these cases the user makes a -->
 <!--           decision of what to share in the context of their -->
 <!--           current activity and indicates that decision through -->
 <!--           the selection process. -->
 <!--         </p> -->
 <!--         <p class="practicedesc"> -->
 <!--           Another similar example is -->
-<!--           drag and drop in HTML5 where a user clearly indicates a -->
+<!--           drag and drop in HTML5 where the user clearly indicates a -->
 <!--           desired sharing of information. -->
 <!--         </p> -->
 <!--         <p class="practicedesc"> -->
@@ -142,15 +142,16 @@
         <p><span id="bp-sp-choices"
         class="practicelab">When learning user privacy
         decisions and providing defaults, allow the user to easily view and
-        change these previous decisions.
+        change their previous decisions.
         </span></p> 
         <p class="practicedesc">
-          A service may learn and remember personal information of a
+          A service may learn and remember personal information of the
          user in order to improve a service. One example is
-         remembering a billing address, another might be remembering
+         remembering a billing address; another example might be
+         remembering 
          payment information. When doing so the service should make it
-         clear to a user which information is retained, how it is
-         used, and give the user an opportunity to correct or remove
+         clear to the user which information is retained and how it is
+         used. It should give the user an opportunity to correct or remove
          the information.
         </p>
       </div>
@@ -159,11 +160,11 @@
         class="practicelab">Focus on usability and avoid needless prompting.
         </span></p> 
         <p class="practicedesc">
-          Focus on usability should improve a service as well as
-          making it easier for a user to understand and control use of their
+          Focusing on usability should improve a service as well as
+          making it easier for the user to understand and control use of their
           personal information. Minimize use of modal dialogs as they
           harm the user experience and many users will not understand how to
-          respond to prompts, choosing a choice that enables them to
+          respond to prompts, instead making a choice that enables them to
           continue their work
           [[GEOLOCATION-PRIVACY]].
         </p>
@@ -231,7 +232,7 @@
           minimum level of detail needed to provide a service.</span></p> 
           <p class="practicedesc">
             As an example, an address book entry is not the
-            natural level of granularity as a user may wish to
+            natural level of granularity as the user may wish to
             share various individual address
             book fields independently. Thus the natural level of
             granularity in an address book is a field and no

Received on Wednesday, 20 June 2012 20:54:36 UTC